Asian Context? and seeking help...

[ceterisparibus]

Hullo all esteemed DJ members!

I was just wondering if the methods listed like kino would be applicable to the asian context cause its kinda more conservative here...

In addition I have this problem I hope all experienced DJs can help me analyze...

There's this girl I've known for at least a decade now, we go for ballet classes weekly since 6. The thing is, up till last year, I'd just treat her like any other normal friend. Perhaps it is due to the fact that we are now in the same High School and High School Dance Society, that I get to know her better that I gradually develop feelings for her. Anyway everyone in the dance society thinks we are like a pair from the start and likes to kinda get us together, 'cause during break between dance practices I would be engrossed in my game console in a little corner away from the group and she would walk over and lean close to kinda see what am I playing. This probably gave them the impression that we are together? I don't know. That was just one of many examples btw.

Just a year before we entered the same high school I was trying to ask her something in msn when she was bathing she her older sis helped her to reply, telling me that she (the girl I was referring to) kept mentioning me at home, that was 2 years ago though, when we were 16. I actually replied "er...so whats it got to do with me?"

Up till last year I was still head over heels with this ballet mate from the same dance class as us. Hence I shrugged off all suggestions that we were together whatsoever cause I never thought we'd be like together or anything... Somehow as I gradually found her more attractive, (I believe its her character that attracts me and not appearance, for if that was the case I wouldn't have not realized for over a decade) she gradually gave me the cold shoulder. As in, she would not be as close as before, like in school and school dance, but during external ballet classes we are still pretty close (comparatively speaking) probably due to the fact that she has more duties in the dance society (elected in the committee)

Then during ballet classes she would just groan and complain to everyone how she has been single and without a boyfriend and no one wants her for 17 years. I was like the only guy in the whole class so I wasn't sure if it was intentional or it was unintentional?

The point is this on and off thing (in school everyday she'd be cold and stuff and in ballet classes it'd be completely opposite) kinda got me desperate? Then just may this year I got a FANTASTIC advice to just confess face to face and I did just that in the most romantic way possible - morning during break in the school canteen. I thought it was alright because it wasn't crowded and there wouldn't be many people around lol. Well at that point she thought I was still in love with our ballet mate and replied "nonono we are just friends just friends, you should be with (our ballet mate who I had a crush on), you know? She like dances much better and everything, and much more pretty? ya..." I actually said no and that now I know who I really like (what all of you would call surrendering power and being a wussy lol) Then after trying to convince me that we are just friends she said she had someone else in mind and that if I wanted to know I would have to ask her best friend and that friend would tell me who he is. (till now I havent even verified this statement though lol)

Now after the confession, ironically she seemed to be warmer to me and strangely speaking we seemed to get closer now we text each other even more frequently than before, hang out occasionally and it doesn't really make sense to me but I dunno whats wrong with me cause I'm actually quite happy with it and am enjoying it thinking that hey maybe she likes me. (Okay I think I sound like a lost cause, but that may be true??? i don't know)

The thing is her birthday's in less than 2 days time and our A levels are in Nov so I was wondering what I should do now???

Please help me analyze critically like is she interested? I really can't see whats wrong here and if there isn't (which I highly doubt so) what should I do now? (besides studying for A levels lol)

 

[jeffthechef]

holy **** man...one long ass complicated story..first of all, use names next time (fake or real), and try to use some transitional phrases lmao...well i started a thread earlier asking about how to tell if someone's interested..and the responses were the same.."a dj doesnt' need to know if she's interested...he does what he has to do" something like that...

stop analyzing..it's a waste of time and energy..i used to analyze this one girl's every move but the truth is we'll never know..unless we ask

You're pulling yourself closer into the friend zone..which i still don't know if i believe exists..but anyways you are..

ask her out somewhere...movies, zoo, park, beach...you'll think of something
only you two..no one else..and if shes insists on bringing a friend because she's nervous..let her know you want her alone..
if she says she's busy and doesn't reschedule..move on
otherwise, see where it goes from there

as for asian conservativeness..kino and all that..kino isn't really outright, in front of everyone P.D.A., it's really just friendly touching that varies on the KINO LADDER....i'm asian..my parents both grew up in Asia..Chinese and all
but kino really isn't that big....and is she asian? her parents asian?
does it even matter if you're asian?>

 

[ceterisparibus]

cool, i'm chinese too, i guess what i'm really trying to ask is if i'm missing any signs, i know i gotta be confident and all but i guess i'd really want to know if i had missed any lol i'm really bad at identifying such stuff...

i used to and still do call her fat, which she is used to it already, knowing i don't actually mean it and during lectures i would just use my index to press against the back of her palm, then press against mine and ask curiously why there is a disparity in hand thickness lol, strangely enough, she would just smile and give the wadever look like she actually enjoys it? nowadays i still do that but i don't have to ask she'll know what i mean by that (like some private joke lol) is this kino? and if it is, it usually just stops there, any ideas on how to progress? in this context i mean... but i find it strange cause its like the implication is that she's erm, fat? which doesnt seem like a nice thing to do lol

thanks for the reply though, appreciate it =D we are both asians by the way, so are our parents lol not that i think it matters

 

[jeffthechef]

Bottom line..DON'T TRUST SIGNS. SIGNS=:trouble: SIGNS=:moon:

You can never tell if those signs are because she's being friendly or flirting
The only way to know if she likes you is to ask her out somewhere..don't ask her out..but to a place..Then, see where it takes you.

I walked this girl home everyday after school...watched a movie one friday afternoon in the basement/hallway of a building..she constantly scooched over towards me during it...we talked every night before she slept..even told me she might go out with me when i asked if she might...I WAS AN AFC/DUMBASS
When i asked her out..she said she wanted to be just friends..of course this was all before i found DJ/SoSuave

SIGNS= OUM HO....OR SIGNS= BU HAO
if you're chinese.. cantonese or mandarin

 

[jeffthechef]

i used to and still do call her fat, which she is used to it already, knowing i don't actually mean it and during lectures i would just use my index to press against the back of her palm, then press against mine and ask curiously why there is a disparity in hand thickness lol, strangely enough, she would just smile and give the wadever look like she actually enjoys it? nowadays i still do that but i don't have to ask she'll know what i mean by that (like some private joke lol) is this kino? and if it is, it usually just stops there, any ideas on how to progress? in this context i mean

Ah..i don't know if calling her fat..even in a joking manner is good..maybe refrain from that...her "wadever look" might be a mask for a possible insecurity

the index finger thing..is sort of negative too because it implies she's fat..so perhaps you could transform that contact a little

after you press the back of her palm...press yours and instead of asking why there is a disparity in hand thickness..you should say something like (feel free to add your own twist), "Your hand is softer." Then, hold her hand...if she moves her hand away, let's go, or appears to be uncomfortable...let go
if thsi happens, slowly work your way up to this..but if she likes you..chances are she'll let you

 

[ceterisparibus]

wow i'm a cantonese chinese too! this is sucha coincidence! was born in hong kong =D

anyway thanks for the idea i shall try that out soon =D

 

[jeffthechef]

ah my parents were born there too...
i happen to be vacationing and typing this reply in hong kong at the moment hehe
and good luck
keep us posted