"As if you cared"

[crossedup]

Last night I went out to party for a good friend of mine's birthday. I was so happy to see all of my friends happy and was having a good time. Two girls were there from my buddy's work. I introduced myself early in the night and was making general conversation, was going alright when one of my best friends from out of town comes up behind me and puts me in a headlock and I commence to sort of wrestle for a minute completely forgetting about the girls and I do not go back to them afterwards. I catch up with my bro instead.

Later on in the night I do something to induce conversation with one of the girls and I get the cold shoulder and a "as if you cared" from her. This really struck a chord with me for some reason I cannot understand. I care deeply about my career, my friends, my family, etc... If a girl who I met 30 minutes past honestly thinks she is that high on my priorities she is delusional! I proceeded to avoid her the rest of the night as I was confused by her response, but at the same time, I wanna get laid. Honestly, I can be quite nonchalant with women as they don't matter all that much to me other than sex, but can I be too relaxed?

I just need this interpreted. I am hell bent on success and I am not focused whatsoever on what she thinks of me, but can I take that attitude too far? Please assist! Thanks! Sometimes it seems that the guys who put a real focus on the girls and act afc towards their needs and whatnot are doing better than me, which bothers me, because I work so hard on the other more important areas of my life. I do not brag about my success and intend to show it, but these stabs at my character really hit home.

 

[Kbomb]

Sounds like your friend just lowered your value by putting you in a headlock. Physically lowering you in front of other people shows you have boundary issues and she might have found that to be unattractive. It is not cool that your friend does this in a venue where you are trying to get laid. It looks like you are the group bish who gets physically invaded against his will and without consequence. Your "best friend" was using you to show the group that he was the alpha and you were his beta, under the guise of horseplay.

 

[crossedup]

lowered my value lol wft? haha seriously kbomb? who the f cares? Would you shove someone out of the way who you haven't seen for months and you lived with for years. I thought nothing of it because sh*t like that does not bother me. If girls base their opinions on a meaningless headlock then wtf is their problem.

Honestly I'm trying to move out of the area to start over because of what you're suggesting. That was me throughout college, the group bish...but not anymore. I have worked my ass off the last couple years to develop my internal qualities already working through management at my engineering firm and tightening my relationships with my friends.

 

[Kbomb]

lowered my value lol wft? haha seriously kbomb? who the f cares? Would you shove someone out of the way who you haven't seen for months and you lived with for years. I thought nothing of it because sh*t like that does not bother me. If girls base their opinions on a meaningless headlock then wtf is their problem.

Honestly I'm trying to move out of the area to start over because of what you're suggesting. That was me throughout college, the group bish...but not anymore. I have worked my ass off the last couple years to develop my internal qualities already working through management at my engineering firm and tightening my relationships with my friends.

You got headlocked and physically imposed upon by another person. That is not how friends act. That is how gorillas act. If he clapped you on the shoulder with a big smile and a hug and said how good it was to see you then that would be what a good friend would do. Using you as a prop to show people what an alpha he is is not what friends do.

The fact that you are so cool with it is a testament to how much you have normalized such behavior and accepted your role as a subservient beta.

 

[crossedup]

I hate to admit it, but you may be right...but.....he is treating me based on how I was in school. I smoked so much weed, was heavily addicted to porn, drank heavily, thought everyone was out to get me. I have completely turned this around and as I said am bent on changing this. That's why I'm trying to move and escape preconceived perceptions from people whose opinions I cannot change at this point.

 

[Purefilth]

You got headlocked and physically imposed upon by another person. That is not how friends act. That is how gorillas act. If he clapped you on the shoulder with a big smile and a hug and said how good it was to see you then that would be what a good friend would do. Using you as a prop to show people what an alpha he is is not what friends do.

The fact that you are so cool with it is a testament to how much you have normalized such behavior and accepted your role as a subservient beta.

Kbomb clearly has no clue.

You ignored them and went to have fun with your bro. These poor weak insecure creatures known as "Females" are very easy to offend.

You hurt her feelings when you took off and she no longer felt like the centre of the universe. She wanted to feel special.

So - in a nutshell - yes, you met her 30 minutes ago and didn't getyourself under her spell and she's butthurt. Maybe she actually had interest in you and felt rejected.

 

[Kbomb]

I hate to admit it, but you may be right...but.....he is treating me based on how I was in school. I smoked so much weed, was heavily addicted to porn, drank heavily, thought everyone was out to get me. I have completely turned this around and as I said am bent on changing this. That's why I'm trying to move and escape preconceived perceptions from people whose opinions I cannot change at this point.

It is a beautiful thing. Try and change the dynamic of the relationship as he is essentially going to keep treating you as his own personal doormat because that is what he needs from you. If you want him in your life you don't want him constantly dragging you down, because then that just retards your progress. Be clear that you need him to respect you. Expect him to get angry and to be resistant. If he can change then he is indeed a friend. Otherwise he was just using you.

 

[Kbomb]

double post

 

[crossedup]

I'm sorry kbomb, you are very, very partially right. You are completely missing the dynamic. We went on to have a balanced conversation. Full of laughs with each other, not directed at me. I can recognize an abusive relationship, because I was in one for a while. Purefilth is right, I honestly dngaf, and she was probably butthurt. I still just wish that women did not judge based on such a small sample size...but women will judge and that's how it is right now, and we need to work with what we've got.

 

[Kbomb]

I'm sorry kbomb, you are very, very partially right. You are completely missing the dynamic. We went on to have a balanced conversation. Full of laughs with each other, not directed at me. I can recognize an abusive relationship, because I was in one for a while. Purefilth is right, I honestly dngaf, and she was probably butthurt. I still just wish that women did not judge based on such a small sample size...but women will judge and that's how it is right now, and we need to work with what we've got.

Ok. I might be wrong but it is definitely important to keep these things in mind. A person should not physically invade you as if he owned you. When you are alone and want to horseplay that is something else, but when you are in front of other people he is clearly communicating something about himself and about your relationship to the people witnessing the action.

For instance I used to have a friend who would constantly grab my drink without asking and drink from it and hand it back without saying anything. This was very clearly a communication that he controlled and owned what was mine and he was communicating it to the group.

To ignore it is your prerogative but I think it will be useful to see how else he communicates his dominance over you in other scenarios and to keep it in mind for the future.

 

[Eph]

Well, for starters, you clearly give a f*ck since you're posting about it. If you didn't, you wouldn't give it a second thought. But yeah, I think PureFilth is right. There's always the chance that she felt rejected and went into auto-rejection mode.

You could have also given off a "player vibe". It kind of goes with what PureFilth was saying, but she could have sensed this and felt like you were only trying to get laid. No one likes to feel used, so hence her saying, "as if you cared".

 

[London NATURAL]

Sh1t test failed.

 

[IndeedSir]

She sounds like a LQ attention *****. I would have instantly called her out on her behavior in a polite, indifferent way to confirm. I don't understand why guys still get caught up caring about these girls. They're garbage. They aren't worth a second thought. When I get attitude like that in cold approaches or from friends do you know what I do now? I laugh in their face, no explanation then I walk away. That's all they deserve.

As for the physical domination you friend did to you. That stuff unfortunately does matter. Sometimes the guys don't know about this and I've had to call a few friends on it in the past. It's subconscious behavior most of the time. If girls see you being physically controlled by another male, they see you as below him. Just how it is. Don't take **** from anyone.