article: Why So Many Women Cheat on Their Husbands

[MatureDJ]

https://www.thecut.com/2017/09/why-women-cheat-esther-perel-state-of-affairs.html

 

[btownbuck2012]

Reason #1,456,781 not to get married.

 

[highSpeed]

https://www.thecut.com/2017/09/why-women-cheat-esther-perel-state-of-affairs.html

This article amounts to nothing more than rationalizing bad behavior. Gee, I'm financially secure riding my husband's coat tails, I'll go have an affair. Gee, I feel like I'm too responsible for organizing family affairs, I'll go have an affair. Gee, I don't go out of my way at all for my husband, we aren't emotionally close, I'll go have an affair. Blah, blah, blah, blah, sounds like you are not committing or investing your marriage, while your partner is. Gosh, do you mean an imbalance of power and investment in the marriage leads to bad behavior on the part of the person who cares less and has less to lose? Never would have seen that coming. Gentlemen, another reason to refrain from marriage.

 

[Alvafe]

only thing I can see of anyone cheating someone is lack of character, and no fear of losing the partner

 

[ubercat]

The only bits that surprised me was the bit about more equal division of labour leading to Better Sex. All the research I've seen shows that as a man you should stick to the male role jobs around the house. Your wife is far more likely to get tingles from you coming back all sweaty from the gym or building sh1t in the yard than you stacking the dishwasher. And for ****sake you're married just Sneak Attack her sometimes and bend over good and hard. I m with @marmel75 on this one your woman should look forward to her ragtime as a chance to rest. If you treat your girl like a snow princess you will create an ice queen.

 

[Julian]

Sloots gonna sloot.

 

[Three]

Totally agree with ubercat. Relationship/marriage/whatever. You have to do man shit to be a man and chicks are hardwired to love it, whether they know it or not...

 

[bmp2cpm]

This article was written by a woman.
Remember, women constantly speak to put themselves in the best light.
Also remember that every word a woman says must be translated. Same applies with an article written by a woman. You will seldom gain deep insight by trying to learn from women’s article.The articles are automatically designed to elevate/maintain/defend the value of the author or women in general.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

This article was written by a woman.
Remember, women constantly speak to put themselves in the best light.
Also remember that every word a woman says must be translated. Same applies with an article written by a woman. You will seldom gain deep insight by trying to learn from women’s article.The articles are automatically designed to elevate/maintain/defend the value of the author or women in general.

Exactly this. It's like what a lot of guys say when it comes to seeking advice about dating/gaming women: don't take advice from women.

 

[Mike32ct]

I believe that there is some version of the High Score Theory behind it.

She looks at hubby and then remembers the top Chad/Tyrone she pulled ten years earlier and thinks, "What's wrong with this picture?"

While she can't go back in time and reach her top video game score of 100,000, she will then convince some landscaper, meat cutter, cop, bartender, or pool boy that "Cheating is ok because I'm getting divorced anyway" and sleep with him.

 

[Elias.Barbarian]

This is again quite a bizarre conflation of social causes and behaviours in relationships. Why is it empowering to cheat?
Why does everything have to be connected to some greater social issue all the time?

But apart from that, I think there is a more intelligent discussion to be had, hidden in this article.

We all know how sexual attraction fades over the cause of a relationship. Therein lies the tragedy of being human in a relationship. On the one hand, your biology demands diversified sexual experiences, on the other hand, you yearn for emotional connection.

Do you guys think that couples can get to a point when they are essentially special friends that for a unit that goes through life together, but are not sexually exclusive?
I think about this a lot because I do not buy this idea of being really wild early in life and then settle down later.

Would this not be the ideal, albeit practically almost impossible because you are also biologically hardwired for extreme jealousy?

The article touches on an interesting point, by stating that some couples seem to arrive at an unspoken agreement over this, which seems to enhance the working of the marriage (Just because women cheat more now, does not mean that men do so any less).

I would be very interested if any of you guys ever contemplate this?

Best,

E.

 

[highSpeed]

This article was written by a woman.
Remember, women constantly speak to put themselves in the best light.
Also remember that every word a woman says must be translated. Same applies with an article written by a woman. You will seldom gain deep insight by trying to learn from women’s article.The articles are automatically designed to elevate/maintain/defend the value of the author or women in general.

Then either abolish marriage or alimony/child support. This creates an immediate imbalance of power in the relationship. Look, no one can lead all the time. It's difficult to lead when you have no power/authority or way of punishing bad behavior. The reality of it is for men, once you get married, you're at an immediate disadvantage. You have a good career, make good money, you're exposed, even if you have a good pre-nup. The judge in family court, which doesn't abide by the constitutional rules afforded those charged with a crime, can throw it out if he/she thinks it's unfair. Even if she is a real scumbag, you still might not get primary/full custody. With that in mind, it doesn't matter, even if she works, you're the primary breadwinner and therefore, subject to more responsibility in the marriage and ultimately, more responsible for paying if the marriage breaks down. So imagine paying for a home you don't live in, to bring another guy into your house to play daddy to your kids. What a kick in the balls that is.

Everyone says, "You should lead. You should withdraw attention, blah, blah, blah, blah..." Sorry to say, she knows you're screwed the minute you put that ring on the finger and have the "official" ceremony. You have said to the world, "I don't care if I'm in great danger of this not working out, I want to be lead to slaughter." Back in the day, before the no-fault divorce, the man had power. Don't do what I want? Get out of here and maybe, just maybe, I'll help you out. Cheated on me, here, take your sh*t, get the f*ck out of here and I'm keeping the kid(s). She knew, if she really screwed up, there was a punishment. Look, we're all subject to the environment we are in. Behave badly, you usually get a bad outcome. Behave well, you usually get a good outcome. However, if you remove responsibility, most people are going to act badly. When you put most of the responsibility on the guy, women are going to behave badly, plain and simple.

 

[resilient]

Good questions man and these are issues I think about often as a man when considering the benefits/risks of a LTR.

Why is it empowering to cheat?

Some just like the rush of not being caught.

Why does everything have to be connected to some greater social issue all the time?

We are intrinsically connected socially as a society. We're wired to think like a tribe, always have.

...your biology demands diversified sexual experiences, on the other hand, you yearn for emotional connection.

There's the rub.

Do you guys think that couples can get to a point when they are essentially special friends that for a unit that goes through life together, but are not sexually exclusive?

That's the comfort phase of boredom that must settle in until the couple decides to re-engage the relationship and interject novelty or excitement again. This can be like experiencing the things that brought the couple together in the first place that gave the spark. Both parties have to want it. If that doesn't work try something completely different and new to generate novel experiences (much like the brain needs novel experiences to strengthen neuronal connections).

I think about this a lot because I do not buy this idea of being really wild early in life and then settle down later.

That's also, an issue isn't it? Getting diversified sexual experiences to sow wild oats, but then many lose the ability to pair-bond in an LTR or marriage. See @Desdinova's High Score Theory thread.

Would this not be the ideal, albeit practically almost impossible because you are also biologically hardwired for extreme jealousy?

That's the hard part with developing a strong emotional bond with our partners... main plate or exclusive LTR... it gets harder to separate emotions from logic after sex many times and carry on without jealousy. One of the ways we discuss often here is to spin plates to balance the emotional/logical battle in our minds. Having options/abundance is sort of our safety net in lieu of monkey branch swinging scenarios.

The article touches on an interesting point, by stating that some couples seem to arrive at an unspoken agreement over this, which seems to enhance the working of the marriage (Just because women cheat more now, does not mean that men do so any less).

True. Though this isn't gender-specific because what we're looking at is two people selfishly giving up on each other and looking at the grass as greener to get a reprieve from relationship realities with a distraction in a fleeting romance with another partner.

 

[Masculinity]

Woman cheats, it's the man's fault. Man cheats, he's a douchebag .

 

[highSpeed]

I think I've probably heard women apologetically explain to me that "they know they can do better" as far as their significant other about 15 times.

And most of those chicks are dreaming. Can they do better? Do you mean can they get a guy to nut on their face tonight? Sure, pretty much any woman can. They could find a high quality, muscular, successful guy to nut all over their face. Can they find a better guy to build a strong, quality relationship with? Hell no they can't. But now society feeds them a steady dose of donuts and "You go girl!!!" and now they think they're entitled to whatever they want. They're entitled to happiness. They're entitled to a top notch guy. They're entitled to money, clothes, cars, jewelry and all of the other status crap. However, and this is the important part, they have no intention of putting any of the work in to do so. Folded some laundry today? Check, you're entitled. Made some dinner? Check, you're entitled. Took care of the kids you said you wanted? Check, you're entitled. Take care of your partner? Hell no, why would I do that as a woman when I can jump on FB anytime I want and find dozens of high quality men who will nut on my face tonight and then forget my f*cking name tomorrow. God, these women are pure bliss, smh...

 

[Mazer]

I️ just returned from a Carribean vacation and the amount of married women who were checking me out in front of their husbands at the pool was ridiculous. Some newlyweds too. No ****ing shame. Couldn’t believe it. Full on stares. Don’t ever get married! Most women can’t be trusted, pretty sure could’ve banged all those women if there husbands weren’t present .

 

[CMNILS87]

Maybe they’re just bored of their life? Sex on the side is dangerous and breaths life into them. Men stop gaming women, stop working out after marriage.

 

[Brad]

Maybe they’re just bored of their life? Sex on the side is dangerous and breaths life into them. Men stop gaming women, stop working out after marriage.

Agreed! We all get fed this idea of marriage will make us happy (both women and men).

When people get there they're like "wtf is this ****, this is what I've been working toward?".

As guys we need to make sure we're always putting in effort (be it game, exercise, whatever).
Women want to be emotionally engaged and most guys don't know how to do that.

 

[Roober]

In order to gain an understanding of the other side, I have been listening to feminist podcasts. It's actually pretty entertaining how warped their views are.

One of these podcasts was a talk with this lady, who released a book of "why women cheat". Based on her research, she actually found that women are cheating more than men now!

The reasons for cheating are still a cry for attention, but I thought the fact that women cheat more with evidence is very interesting.

 

[Ranger]

only thing I can see of anyone cheating someone is lack of character, and no fear of losing the partner

It’s much simpler than that. Moral codes do not apply to survival instincts. All our moral codes do not apply to breeding strategies.
Surprisingly a woman can have virtue and character in every other phase or part of her life. Breeding strategies? She has very little power over the drive. Some do. Some have none. But it’s not really about virtue.