article: What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity

[AttackFormation]

"in cultures around the world men have gone to extraordinary lengths to control female libido: female genital mutilation, head-to-toe chadors, medieval witch burnings, chastity belts, suffocating corsets, muttered insults about “insatiable” *****s, pathologizing, paternalistic medical diagnoses of nymphomania or hysteria, the debilitating scorn heaped on any female who chooses to be generous with her sexuality…all parts of a worldwide campaign to keep the supposedly low-key female libido under control. Why the electrified high-security razor-wire fence to contain a kitty-cat?"

I love how "all women aren't like that" but the moment it's about men, suddenly we all have a collective guilt for what now-dead men and men in other countries/cultures have done. "Men" have done this and that. F*ck off with that sh!t.

I don't even want to visit any country that performs male or female genital mutilation (which by the way is mostly sponsored by females) and I wasn't alive during nor do I propagate for witch burnings or chastity belts, I haven't and don't plan on giving out medical diagnoses and I don't condemn women for having sex at all because it's enjoyable, their body drives it and it's their personal life. I've said before that guys who "slut shame" single women are just stupid and haven't thought about what they're doing, or they feel they need and should be entitled to a virgin woman (who should've waited until they got into her life and trusted him blindly, of course) to complete them because of their mental and control issues.

Monogamy is one of those things in life that doesn't have a perfect solution since life isn't "designed". Being single and in a relationship to raise kids both have their benefits, but you can't have both simultaneously. Personally, I think you should expect the relationship to end sooner or later and view the relationship in the context of what it exists for (probably to give kids a good upbringing). I like to ask the following. If you were alive forever, would you stay with one person for the rest of eternity? no one can say, but the odds are: probably no. I don't think it's fine to cheat while you're in what you agreed to be a "committed" relationship, but even then, you shouldn't expect things in your life to stay the way they are forever. I think ultimately, being a swinger or serial monogamist is the way of the future when you take away the need to raise kids and you're secure in yourself.

 

[The Diver]

For any husband or wife, refusing to have sex with your spouse while expecting them to be monogamous is incredibly selfish

100% agree. ^^^

 

[highSpeed]

I'd recommend to abandon marriage and relationships 100% altogether and just enjoy woman as actual humans. not objects and property to be obtained, locked up, and barred from other men to enjoy.

if some dude locked down a beautiful female all to himself thinking he's covered by God in some legal contract that her fidelity belong to him only until death you bet I'm still going to be running game trying to be fvcking her. and yes alot of wives cheat, don't throw them in prison or stone then because of it xD.

I don't understand that thinking, you get a gold star for banging some married chick? Do you feel better about yourself for ruining some other guy's life? Granted, if she cheats with you, she'll most likely find someone else if you don't but to actively be searching this out? I truly don't understand that. Forget about whether or not someone is going to be head hunting for you after that stunt, it's wrong. So with your logic, hey, just because you bought that car, it isn't yours. If I'm tougher than you, I get it. And if someone is tougher than me, they get it. That's anarchy and that leads to a very broken society. If you don't have property rights, intellectual property rights, contractual rights and responsibilities, society can't work.

 

[highSpeed]

I love how "all women aren't like that" but the moment it's about men, suddenly we all have a collective guilt for what now-dead men and men in other countries/cultures have done. "Men" have done this and that. F*ck off with that sh!t.

I don't even want to visit any country that performs male or female genital mutilation (which by the way is mostly sponsored by females) and I wasn't alive during nor do I propagate for witch burnings or chastity belts, I haven't and don't plan on giving out medical diagnoses and I don't condemn women for having sex at all because it's enjoyable, their body drives it and it's their personal life. I've said before that guys who "slut shame" single women are just stupid and haven't thought about what they're doing, or they feel they need and should be entitled to a virgin woman (who should've waited until they got into her life and trusted him blindly, of course) to complete them because of their mental and control issues.

Monogamy is one of those things in life that doesn't have a perfect solution since life isn't "designed". Being single and in a relationship to raise kids both have their benefits, but you can't have both simultaneously. Personally, I think you should expect the relationship to end sooner or later and view the relationship in the context of what it exists for (probably to give kids a good upbringing). I like to ask the following. If you were alive forever, would you stay with one person for the rest of eternity? no one can say, but the odds are: probably no. I don't think it's fine to cheat while you're in what you agreed to be a "committed" relationship, but even then, you shouldn't expect things in your life to stay the way they are forever. I think ultimately, being a swinger or serial monogamist is the way of the future when you take away the need to raise kids and you're secure in yourself.

I have to disagree, swinging almost never works. One or the other person, usually the guy, will get jealous. What guy wants to think of their main relationship chick getting railed by some other guy? I know I don't. Now if it was something like say, she isn't going to go out and screw other dudes and you could bring home some other chicks, maybe, maybe that would work. Women don't want you to leave them generally, so many would accept this and some happily. And sex to women, it's usually more personal. Guys can separate that kind of stuff out and compartmentalize it. I could bang a bunch of hot chicks and still come home to my wife, not wanting to leave. I'd probably be happier to be honest. I don't think my wife could bang a bunch of dudes and still want to come home to me. Sex is just sex to guys for the most part, it's the other stuff that makes a marriage/relationship a marriage/relationship.

 

[highSpeed]

I honestly agree. Whether you are the husband or the wife. Marriage is the ultimate form of monogamy. If you marry someone and expect them to be monogamous then don't stop fulfilling their sexual needs. For any husband or wife, refusing to have sex with your spouse while expecting them to be monogamous is incredibly selfish and says more about your feelings towards your spouse than the refusal of sex. It says you don't care about your spouses needs in the relationship.
And besides, monogamy means having a sexual relationship with one person. If there is no sexual activity happening, then its technically no longer a monogamous relationship.

Agreed and this is why the laws need to continue to evolve. See the problem with this mindset is, pretty much every state in the US, the guy (not the woman), will be punished if they get caught getting some on the side. I don't want to use cheating because I honestly don't think most married guys end up cheating on a whim. Most guys I see arrive at that destination after a long road, the end of the road. They've tried to please their wives. They make more money. They work out. They help out around the house more. They try to do nice things for their wives. And after all this, if they are still ignored, some percentage of guys will get some on the side. Some won't go this far even. Many guys do all that stuff all the time anyway and still get ignored. Is it wrong, as long as the wife is able to have sex but simply ignores it? I'm of two minds about it. I can definitely see the argument if someone goes out and gets some. I even agree for the most part. However, what if the side piece gets pregnant? What if the side piece gets mental and decides to tell the wife? What if you get caught and now you're going to get slammed in court? Those are the reasons why I hesitate but I won't condemn the guys that go for it anyway. Just be aware it's going to come out at some point.

That being said, the laws need to change. There needs to be clauses that don't punish the man if this is the case and can be proven to some extent. If you're a guy who wants sex and your wife isn't giving it up, you shouldn't be locked down forever because you're afraid of losing your money and your relationship with your kids. If I can compel you to give money to someone long after you're no longer married, she should be compelled to have sex long after you're no longer married.

 

[RangerMIke]

Marriage is an outdated institution that no longer favors the individual in that contract which brings in the lion's share of resources, which is overwhelmingly... men. The sad truth today is if you have a wife that is attractive in any way, she is likely fvcking around on you. The only way you can be sure you have a chick that isn't cheating on you is if she is a land whale.

So you have a choice, (1) a fat nagging and/or ugly b!tch who will not cheat on you.... or, (2) An attractive woman you are sharing with other dudes.

I will take option 2.... and I will not marry her.

 

[AttackFormation]

I have to disagree, swinging almost never works. One or the other person, usually the guy, will get jealous. What guy wants to think of their main relationship chick getting railed by some other guy? I know I don't. Now if it was something like say, she isn't going to go out and screw other dudes and you could bring home some other chicks, maybe, maybe that would work. Women don't want you to leave them generally, so many would accept this and some happily. And sex to women, it's usually more personal. Guys can separate that kind of stuff out and compartmentalize it. I could bang a bunch of hot chicks and still come home to my wife, not wanting to leave. I'd probably be happier to be honest. I don't think my wife could bang a bunch of dudes and still want to come home to me. Sex is just sex to guys for the most part, it's the other stuff that makes a marriage/relationship a marriage/relationship.

Yeah that's why it was swinging OR serial monoganism, whatever is gonna work for you. But staying in a relationship with one person forever? it's a dream. We're impulsive animals, not robots. You can try to stay in a relationship and never have sex with anyone else for as long as you want to but my point is that expecting people to only ever have sex with one person for the rest of forever is impractical simply because of our biological reality, and it's better to face that and deal with it in whatever way is gonna work for you, than to just stick your head in the sand and hope it goes away.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'd recommend to abandon marriage and relationships 100% altogether and just enjoy woman as actual humans. not objects and property to be obtained, locked up, and barred from other men to enjoy.

if some dude locked down a beautiful female all to himself thinking he's covered by God in some legal contract that her fidelity belong to him only until death you bet I'm still going to be running game trying to be fvcking her. and yes alot of wives cheat, don't throw them in prison or stone then because of it xD.

The deal about it is the women are not the property it's the men. Modern marriage is a contract into slavery . Also don't knock folks who prefers the monogamous lifestyle . Some of us don't like being with someone who likes to be with everyone.

 

[R.U.G.]

it has been and still is in some countrys.. and all its doing is persecuting 100s of millions of innocent people.. for having a sex drive. that and it's the epitome of sexual shaming which everybody grows up with.

outlaw marriage and monogamy society would be much better (;

If a person cannot stay faithful to one person, then they should just opt-out of marriage. You can have an open family without marriage.

 

[R.U.G.]

I honestly agree. Whether you are the husband or the wife. Marriage is the ultimate form of monogamy. If you marry someone and expect them to be monogamous then don't stop fulfilling their sexual needs. For any husband or wife, refusing to have sex with your spouse while expecting them to be monogamous is incredibly selfish and says more about your feelings towards your spouse than the refusal of sex. It says you don't care about your spouses needs in the relationship.
And besides, monogamy means having a sexual relationship with one person. If there is no sexual activity happening, then its technically no longer a monogamous relationship.

Unfortunately, most women do not see it this way.

 

[R.U.G.]

Yeah that's why it was swinging OR serial monoganism, whatever is gonna work for you. But staying in a relationship with one person forever? it's a dream. We're impulsive animals, not robots. You can try to stay in a relationship and never have sex with anyone else for as long as you want to but my point is that expecting people to only ever have sex with one person for the rest of forever is impractical simply because of our biological reality, and it's better to face that and deal with it in whatever way is gonna work for you, than to just stick your head in the sand and hope it goes away.

Going to have to disagree with you there. I am not impulsive. I am logical and only part human, half robot. Lol.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Unfortunately, most women do not see it this way.

No they don't . Most don't have a sense of HONOR, some do - God bless those . But for a majority marriage is a method of securing finances and security .

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Going to have to disagree with you there. I am not impulsive. I am logical and only part human, half robot. Lol.

See, man is able to bypass his lizard brain and think. Hence the reason why he's been able to adapt to dominate every animal on the earth.

 

[AJ84]

I have to disagree, swinging almost never works. One or the other person, usually the guy, will get jealous. What guy wants to think of their main relationship chick getting railed by some other guy? I know I don't. Now if it was something like say, she isn't going to go out and screw other dudes and you could bring home some other chicks, maybe, maybe that would work. Women don't want you to leave them generally, so many would accept this and some happily. And sex to women, it's usually more personal. Guys can separate that kind of stuff out and compartmentalize it. I could bang a bunch of hot chicks and still come home to my wife, not wanting to leave. I'd probably be happier to be honest. I don't think my wife could bang a bunch of dudes and still want to come home to me. Sex is just sex to guys for the most part, it's the other stuff that makes a marriage/relationship a marriage/relationship.

Gotta respectfully disagree with women wanting to stick around while their guy is sleeping with other women. If that was the case, there would be more polygamy going on, and there isn't, in fact woman in cultures where that happens are turning away from it.

And most men, of course would never be happy with their woman sleeping around either.

Think about it, how demeaning it would be for a woman (who is not denying her husband sex) to see him bringing home other women to sleep with or going out to sleep other women. That feeling is the same feeling a guy would feel if his wife was doing the same. Even if it was just sex. That's heartbreaking because it's sends the msg that he or she is not enough, lacking. No one would be happy feeling like that in a relationship.

Swinging relationships take a certain kind of couple to be successful, where both people are participating. Not for the faint of heart that's for sure lol. I know I couldn't do it.

If someone really doesn't want to be monogamous, there is no reason why he or she can't just date causally and not commit to one person.

 

[AJ84]

Unfortunately, most women do not see it this way.

Some women don't see it that way, and some men don't either. It's not just wives who stop having sex in their marriage. There are some husbands who stop having sex with their wives but expect her to go without sex.

Crappy deal for anyone.

 

[R.U.G.]

Some women don't see it that way, and some men don't either. It's not just wives who stop having sex in their marriage. There are some husbands who stop having sex with their wives but expect her to go without sex.

Crappy deal for anyone.

Yea, I've read that on some forums too. It bogles my mind. Prob. too much soy in their diet or something. Perhaps bipolar or midlife crisis. As long as the partner takes care of themselves, sex should never be used as a weapon. My ex did that, she didn't last very long.

At one time, marriage was secreted and of high value. Now, it's just a financial security money grab for the spouse who's less well off. It's a sham and a shame at the same time. You can thank Gov./Pres. Reagan for that.

 

[highSpeed]

Gotta respectfully disagree with women wanting to stick around while their guy is sleeping with other women. If that was the case, there would be more polygamy going on, and there isn't, in fact woman in cultures where that happens are turning away from it.

And most men, of course would never be happy with their woman sleeping around either.

Think about it, how demeaning it would be for a woman (who is not denying her husband sex) to see him bringing home other women to sleep with or going out to sleep other women. That feeling is the same feeling a guy would feel if his wife was doing the same. Even if it was just sex. That's heartbreaking because it's sends the msg that he or she is not enough, lacking. No one would be happy feeling like that in a relationship.

Swinging relationships take a certain kind of couple to be successful, where both people are participating. Not for the faint of heart that's for sure lol. I know I couldn't do it.

If someone really doesn't want to be monogamous, there is no reason why he or she can't just date causally and not commit to one person.

Part of my point is that guys can compartmentalize that type of stuff way better than women can. I know for a fact that I could bang a bunch of other chicks and still come home to my wife. I'm not going to get emotionally entangled with women other than my wife. I may want to have sex with them but I'm not leaving my wife for them. My wife on the other hand? If she was running around banging a bunch of other guys, it wouldn't be too long before she'd want to stay with one of them.

I didn't say that women would be able to handle that well. I think they could handle it better than a man could but I'd day it'd be about 50/50 the type of women who would be ok with and who wouldn't. I'd say the same on guy's parts would be like 85/15. Swinging doesn't often work for that very reason. If you're 50/50 to be ok with something and I'm 15% likely to be ok with something, won't be long before there will be problems, perhaps even big problems.

 

[The Duke]

For the less experienced guys out there, here are some key pieces of insight into how women think:

I wanted sex but not a relationship. This is dicey because you can’t always control emotional attachments when body chemicals mix.
-None of them can. There is a emotional connection between their heart and that piece of prime real estate between their legs. A woman loses a lot of control
once she gives in.

All told I communicated with maybe a dozen men during that time in my life, and had sex with fewer than half. Others I texted or talked with, which sometimes felt nearly as intimate.
-Realize that when you text/talk/provide attention for a woman, you are depositing into her emotional bank account. They will gladly accept all of the attention they can get. Stop providing this if she isn't returning the favor in some form of sex. You are being used and in effect driving up the price of pu$$y.