article: All The Single Ladies

[Findog]

I agree some women can be too picky and critical.
But would you advise a guy to settle for a girl if he thought "something was missing"?

If you can't even define what is missing, why throw out the baby with the bathwater? It's easy enough to get laid or be in a relationship. It's not as easy I think to find somebody that you have a great connection with and has similar values and goals in life. I mean, everyone thinks they're the best catch, and wants to find somebody that is their equal in terms of sexual market value or better. Holding out for some sort of ideal is counterproductive when another person, no matter how great they are, cannot meet all of your needs or fit the ideal perfectly. If you've been in the dating scene long enough, you've probably come across people who reveal themselves to be garbage and other people who reveal themselves to be good marriage material. Romantic loneliness happens even to people who are socially functional and physically adequate, so why look a gift horse in the mouth and yearn for greener grass?

This kind of entitlement complex and mindset comes from people with privileged backgrounds, a made-up sense of their own importance. I can understand the idea of something missing, but until you know what that is, why do something (such as in this case ending a stable, healthy loving relationship) when you don't even know yourself why you're doing it? It's overthinking things to the detriment of both parties. I get "Well you want to have children and I don't," or "You're an Atheist, I'm a Christian, this would never work," etc. That kind of stuff I can understand when it comes to parting ways. But a lot of women seem to do this. It seems like most female complaints about men center around being used, as in a guy pretended to love and care about them in order to get sex. And from what I've observed in my own experience and on this board and elsewhere, most male complaints about women seem to center around not appreciating what they have, selfishness, and only being in relationships for what they can get out of them instead of what they could possibly build together.

Worse yet, would you want a woman to marry YOU if she thought "something was missing"? Not me.

This article hits home to me because I went through something very similar and can really identify with the beau she left behind at age 28. In my case, I didn't want her to throw away what we had, because I didn't think either of us were "settling" and things would not have gotten as serious as they did (agreeing to get married, informing both sets of parents, looking at wedding rings together) if we didn't have a strong connection with each other and a great relationship. From my point of view, my ex threw away a stable, loving relationship for no tangible reason, just like the author.I have to admit I did not understand the compulsion to break something that did not need fixing. But I suppose it was better that she ended things when she did than after 5-10 years of marriage she woke up and selfishly decided to pull an "Eat, Pray, Love."

 

[zekko]

I can understand the idea of something missing, but until you know what that is, why do something (such as in this case ending a stable, healthy loving relationship) when you don't even know yourself why you're doing it? It's overthinking things to the detriment of both parties. I get "Well you want to have children and I don't," or "You're an Atheist, I'm a Christian, this would never work," etc.

Well, we're always hearing women don't go by logic, and instead go by their emotions. Whereas men might look for a concrete reason, women might just feel something is missing or something isn't right.

I know it sucks to be dumped, but if a girl doesn't appreciate you as you should be appreciated, I don't think it's really helpful to try to hang onto it, or try to logically convince her to appreciate you. Bottom line: I don't to be stuck with a girl who doesn't appreciate me, for whatever reason.

 

[Kailex]

I always appreciate a good ole tragicomedy blog post.

 

[Burroughs]

But would you advise a guy to settle for a girl if he thought "something was missing"?

.

No..don't settle. Not if as a man you really have your $hit together, looks, finance, career, etc.

But....

there's always a but.

As a man you have to be realistic about what you have to offer and what you can GET. Honestly evaluate your prospects.The 35 year old, slim WASP trust fund brat will have more options than a 38 year old pudgy Indian research scientist. (No offense to wasps or Indians). Each man must maximize his cards but first he must decipher what his cards are. This is where most men....AND women fail. Most people don't have an honest sense of where they stand so they go through life DEMANDING a destiny and a level of opportunity that will NEVER come to pass. Harsh but true.

 

[mrRuckus]

concluded that only 20 percent of the men (those considered to have the highest status) are having 80 percent of the sex, with only 20 percent of the women (those with the greatest sexual willingness); the remaining 80 percent, male and female, sit out the hookup dance altogether. (Surprisingly, a 2007 study commissioned by the Justice Department suggested that male virgins outnumber female virgins on campus.) As Walsh puts it, most of the leftover men are “have nots” in terms of access to sex, and most of the women—both those who are hooking up and those who are not—are “have nots” in terms of access to male attention that leads to commitment.

Sexual willingness? Ha! Sounds like fatties.

 

[limerickdesign]

I watch this show called "tough love" a dating pro for women brings women down to earth in their expectations. There was a group of like 100 guys and the girls stated what they wanted and if the guy didnt meet the criteria then he had to sit down. Needless to say women are a bit spoiled in their expectations but mean well. Watching the show helps you see that women are not monsters or bi**ches. Women are more a victim of conflicting programming that goes against their nature and everyone pays for it in the end.

 

[Nutz]

Author and women like her are reaping what they sow. It sucks for most guys, but for the few of us who are enjoying "soft harems" life couldn't be better.

Hookup culture can be summarized by a Roissy quote: "women prefer five minutes of alpha to five years of beta".