Article about a woman hung up on age

[ketostix]

Here's an article I thought interesting about a woman hung up on the age of men that approach her. I thought the "relationship expert's" advice was pretty good, even spot on. I thought the answer actually applied to various things women believe due to faulty perception.

Ask Lynn: Advice on love
By Lynn Harris
Dear Lynn,
I am a 46-year-old woman; I take care of myself, but I do look my age. “Cute” might best describe me. My question? I simply cannot attract a man my age. They’re either 10-20 years older or 10 years younger. This has been happening since I was old enough to date.

Why is it that a man my age won’t have anything to do with me? My self-esteem has taken a huge blow and now I’m afraid I’ve become obsessed with this. I scan the wedding announcements regularly and find several couples my age getting married. I can’t help but notice that they all look close in age. I realize the midlife crisis thing might be going on (both for me and for the guys), but that’s not what I see on the streets. What I see is, couples — close in age — enjoying each other’s company.

What’s wrong with me?
– Feeling Rejected


Dear Feeling Rejected,
Some of what you are experiencing may in part be a function of your demographic, or — to use a word that really should never be used at all — your psychographic. That is: It’s common at midlife to want to feel young, and a common way of attempting to preserve one’s youth is to date someone younger. So the fellas who are your age are looking for younger women, and the fellas 20 years older than you looking for… you. At the other end of the spectrum, well… here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson.

Of course, there are plenty of people in their 40s who find people their own age, so what gives? And how do we explain your observation that this age weirdness has, for you, been happening all along?

I know you’re going to argue with me here, but it’s partly your perception. You know the red car phenomenon: When you are thinking about buying a red car, you start to see red cars everywhere, though in reality you’re just noticing them more. I’m guessing that’s what you’ve been doing since you were a teenager—noticing the guys not your age even more than the ones who are your age.

I’m not saying there isn’t a pattern, but it’s possible that you may have made choices, even unconsciously, that keep this pattern consistent. Like, not flirted with someone your age because you were too busy noticing that someone twice your age was flirting with you.

Let me ask you one question: Why does a potential mate have to be your age in the first place? Yes, I know: so that you two feel that you’re at the same stage of life together. But you know what? There are plenty of, say, divorced 36-year-olds well-established in their careers and identities, and there are plenty of never-married 56-year-olds who are still casting about. Age tells just part of the story. I’d give some of these guys a chance. Consider which attributes you’re looking for in someone “your age.” Stability? Lack of game-playing? Well-traveled? Then allow yourself to see them in someone else.

Also, though I do believe you didn’t invent this pattern out of the clear blue, I would like to suggest that it serves you—if only to “explain” why you’re still single. My hunch is that what you’re really asking is not “Where the heck are all the men my age?” but rather, “Why the heck am I still single?” I know that can be a terribly vexing, self-esteem-challenging, and lonely-feeling question to be asking, year after year, and I wish all single people could avoid that.

So don’t make it about meeting people your age. Make it about meeting people, period. People who share your interests and sensitivities, not your birth year. I’m not saying meet people who are not your age, I’m just saying to make it not about numbers, but about feelings, flirting and fun. You might be surprised at the number of men who do turn up.

 

[mrRuckus]

Yea that's why i'd date younger chicks. To preserve my youth..

how about because they're hotter and they say yes?

 

[Jitterbug]

She's 46 and still picky?

 

[ketostix]

She's 46 and still picky?

Yeah, isn't it great .

 

[Jitterbug]

I am a 46-year-old woman; I take care of myself, but I do look my age. “Cute” might best describe me

And I suppose "juicy" best describes a squeezed out lemon wedge.

 

[STR8UP]

Yea that's why i'd date younger chicks. To preserve my youth..

how about because they're hotter and they say yes?

LOL...

That's one of the things that older women say about younger chicks....that they "give it up too easy", haha.

It's hilarious to listen to older women try to cut down the competition by saying that younger women are too easy, and that's why guys go for them. It's really funny cause it's total BS. Older women fukk too.

 

[Mr.Positive]

We should pause for a moment and reflect....and, be thankful we're not 46 yo women...

 

[STR8UP]

We should pause for a moment and reflect....and, be thankful we're not 46 yo women...

Isn't it a wonderful thing to know that the tables turn when men get older?

That pu$$y wields great power and influence when it's 20 yrs old, but my status and desirably as a 36 yr old man trumps all that sh!t.

It must suck to realize that when you are a woman your market value peaks at around age 25 or so, then it's all downhill after that. Poor women.

 

[MatureDJ]

Yes, it's typical pickiness. This woman was probably very stuckup in her 20's. Then when she hit her mid 30's, she noticed that men her age that were very interested in marriage seem to be getting scooped up, and that only older men were interested. She continued to insist that she should date only men her age like when she was 20.

Now she is a barren old maid, and only real old guys (who are dating age appropriate) and younger guys (who are looking for a sterile woman so that they don't accidently knock someone up) are interested.

All I can say is

 

[ketostix]

Yes, it's typical pickiness. This woman was probably very stuckup in her 20's. Then when she hit her mid 30's, she noticed that men her age that were very interested in marriage seem to be getting scooped up, and that only older men were interested. She continued to insist that she should date only men her age like when she was 20.

Now she is a barren old maid, and only real old guys (who are dating age appropriate) and younger guys (who are looking for a sterile woman so that they don't accidently knock someone up) are interested.

All I can say is

So true

 

[Bonhomme]

I know you’re going to argue with me here, but it’s partly your perception. You know the red car phenomenon: When you are thinking about buying a red car, you start to see red cars everywhere, though in reality you’re just noticing them more. I’m guessing that’s what you’ve been doing since you were a teenager—noticing the guys not your age even more than the ones who are your age.

The guy made a damn good point.

What percentage of the unattached guys out there are within a few years of her age anyway?

The more tight one's criteria, the poorer quality will be available. Too bad for her she seems to be unwilling or unable to see this.

 

[bigjohnson]

It must suck to realize that when you are a woman your market value peaks at around age 25 or so, then it's all downhill after that. Poor women.

It only sucks because they misuse the gift they are given and I have no (well, very little) sympathy for them. Instead of trying to play with guys and basically torture as many young men as they can they should be doing what they are wired to do. They should be spending the years from 16-22 attracting and locking down a man, and I mean that in a good way.

They should use the youth and beauty they have for that that bloom of youth to attract and submit to a man who can take care of their family. They should demonstrate value and loyalty to him and the family by taking the female role and running with it.

But they don't do that, instead they squander their youth and then cry when nature takes it's inevitable course. Screw her and the horse she rode in on.

 

[JLR]

It only sucks because they misuse the gift they are given and I have no (well, very little) sympathy for them. Instead of trying to play with guys and basically torture as many young men as they can they should be doing what they are wired to do. They should be spending the years from 16-22 attracting and locking down a man, and I mean that in a good way.

They should use the youth and beauty they have for that that bloom of youth to attract and submit to a man who can take care of their family. They should demonstrate value and loyalty to him and the family by taking the female role and running with it.

But they don't do that, instead they squander their youth and then cry when nature takes it's inevitable course. Screw her and the horse she rode in on.

Not very deep of me, but, yeah, what he said!!

 

[ketostix]

It only sucks because they misuse the gift they are given and I have no (well, very little) sympathy for them. Instead of trying to play with guys and basically torture as many young men as they can they should be doing what they are wired to do. They should be spending the years from 16-22 attracting and locking down a man, and I mean that in a good way.

They should use the youth and beauty they have for that that bloom of youth to attract and submit to a man who can take care of their family. They should demonstrate value and loyalty to him and the family by taking the female role and running with it.

But they don't do that, instead they squander their youth and then cry when nature takes it's inevitable course. Screw her and the horse she rode in on.

Totally true, and it's the same entitlement attitude that women have that men shouldn't have standards or qualities men are attracted to in a woman, such as, youth and beauty, but these same women believe they should always be able nitpick over every unimportant thing in a man even when they bring nothing to the table. I have zero sympathy for women like these.

 

[mrRuckus]

Totally true, and it's the same entitlement attitude that women have that men shouldn't have standards or qualities men are attracted to in a woman, such as, youth and beauty, but these same women believe they should always be able nitpick over every unimportant thing in a man even when they bring nothing to the table. I have zero sympathy for women like these.

They judge a man by the shoes he wears.

 

[mrRuckus]

LOL...

That's one of the things that older women say about younger chicks....that they "give it up too easy", haha.

It's hilarious to listen to older women try to cut down the competition by saying that younger women are too easy, and that's why guys go for them. It's really funny cause it's total BS. Older women fukk too.

And the younger ones are more fun and don't hate men as much. or other women.

 

[Last Man Standing]

She doesn't want a younger man because she knows that she, as an older woman, cannot hold him! And she doesn't want an older man because she can't control him!

It only sucks because they misuse the gift they are given and I have no (well, very little) sympathy for them. Instead of trying to play with guys and basically torture as many young men as they can they should be doing what they are wired to do. They should be spending the years from 16-22 attracting and locking down a man, and I mean that in a good way.

They should use the youth and beauty they have for that that bloom of youth to attract and submit to a man who can take care of their family. They should demonstrate value and loyalty to him and the family by taking the female role and running with it.

But they don't do that, instead they squander their youth and then cry when nature takes it's inevitable course. Screw her and the horse she rode in on.

Your best post ever! Are you drunk? This is the natural order of things!!

..

 

[bigjohnson]

Your best post ever! Are you drunk? This is the natural order of things!!

It's absolutely true and also pretty useless info. Why useless? Because women don't behave the way they should, therefore we are stuck in a place where we have to try to compensate for their broken expectations and behavior.

It sucks, but it's the way western society is.