"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Arranging too many dates

Macaframalama

Master Don Juan
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Agreed, don’t get it twisted though I didn't say I love her she’s the one saying that -
My bad. I took it as she was quoting you.
I'm struggling to let go - she is the first girl I loved and been in a relationship with since my mother passed away and I just poured all my emotion into that relationship (while also not taking it seriously) - it's literally like grieving again
I've been there and know this all too well. Lost 3 family members in a 4 month period, with one of those being very tragic w/ young children left behind. Didn't take the relationship seriously, until the final stages, but I was blinded by everything else to see that she had already checked out. She left after the second death. No contact whatsoever. That was a tough fvcking period of time. It's been 4 years since and it's still tough here and there. I also have trouble letting things go, that are out of my control. I do believe, that there is a silver lining in every cloud and you have looked this thing in the face. It has had a tendency to make normal problems and fears seem so trivial. When you watch someone you love pass away in your presence, there is very little you fear after that, with one exception and that is, not living this one life you have been blessed with to the absolute fullest. Your problem is a simple one to fix. It's not an easy one, but the answer for me has been reframing my mindset and perspective on nearly everything in my life. Good luck brother!
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Murk

Master Don Juan
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My bad. I took it as she was quoting you.

I've been there and know this all too well. Lost 3 family members in a 4 month period, with one of those being very tragic w/ young children left behind. Didn't take the relationship seriously, until the final stages, but I was blinded by everything else to see that she had already checked out. She left after the second death. No contact whatsoever. That was a tough fvcking period of time. It's been 4 years since and it's still tough here and there. I also have trouble letting things go, that are out of my control. I do believe, that there is a silver lining in every cloud and you have looked this thing in the face. It has had a tendency to make normal problems and fears seem so trivial. When you watch someone you love pass away in your presence, there is very little you fear after that, with one exception and that is, not living this one life you have been blessed with to the absolute fullest. Your problem is a simple one to fix. It's not an easy one, but the answer for me has been reframing my mindset and perspective on nearly everything in my life. Good luck brother!
Thanks bro this is probably the post I've needed to see the most.

This is the first time I've behaved like such a beta cuck. I'm 29 years old, my relationship lasted 9 months, 2.5 months good the rest terrible. I've been in 2+ year relationships I let go easily with solid 8/10's.

Anyway - I've identified the problem, like you said I'm looking it in the face. I'll get through this and become a better man. I will not be going to the party my ex is definitely going to with her friend tomorrow night. Instead I'm going to a family party with my best friend, around people that love me, and will work on myself and reduce my plates.
 
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