Arranged Marriage Bullsh*t - WTF!

[TheOne21]

Alright fellas, before you jump to conclusions, I am NOT the one being pushed into an arranged marriage..

To set the story, I met this girl at work, we’re both in our mid 20’s. She began to like me early on, but I don't sh*t where I work so I didn't do anything about it.. My contract recently ended at work so before I left, I got her number. We spoke on the phone a few times etc & I told her to come out with me. Went on our 1st date – date went well, she told me ALOT about herself, bit of kino, holding hands etc..

So you ask what’s the problem huh? The next evening she texts me saying that me and her won't work out purely because her family won't accept it. She won't go against her family. She doesn't want to end up leading me on because she knows her family won't say yes to us if we get serious so its better to end it now. She said she knows I won't be friends but if I decide to then she'd wanna be friends..

Now this is where it gets even more f*cked.. My race is Indian/Paki and she’s Bengali so we're both Asians but her family is RACIST! No one in her entire family has ever had a love marriage, no one has ever been married to anyone who's not been a Bengali! Her family will basically disown her if me & her are together.

This is not the 1st time she's mentioned that her family is like that. She's told me that many times. Her own sister had to get married to some random guy from overseas that she barely met.

I'll be straight up, I'm not the player type even though I sometimes do come across that way. I know how to talk to a girl and get her attention. I don't onetis or any crap like that. I obviously don't want to marry her just yet. I like this girl and wanted to get to know her more & see where it leads to.

How do I solve this problem??

I haven't replied to her text as yet, thinking of leaving it for a few days, let her miss me then either pop into work and chat to her face-to-face or call her after a few days and tell her I want to meet her for a coffee & talk to her in person about this - good idea?

Note: She's never had a bf, she gets asked out by loads of guys but never goes out with any of them & she's not the freak or ho type, she's the good girl type (doesn't drink, smoke, doesn't go clubbing) and wants something serious.

 

[VladPatton]

Drop her ASAP. This is one family tree you do NOT wanna climb.

 

[TheOne21]

Drop her ASAP. This is one family tree you do NOT wanna climb.

Bro, I asked for a solution to this - I ain't the running type..

I understand you but someone someday has to stand up to her family.. It's complete bullsh*t being forced to marry a stranger. I'd stand up to them BUT only if I date her and then wanna go further..

 

[FortunateSon]

Sounds like too much hassle to me.

No woman is worth this much trouble unless she is a billionaire and you can milk her for all she's worth.

 

[TheOne21]

Sounds like too much hassle to me.

No woman is worth this much trouble unless she is a billionaire and you can milk her for all she's worth.

I know it may be hassle but how many "good girl" types have you lot come across? It's why she might be worth it..

 

[Tictac]

You typed it yourself - 'she won't go against her family'.

What is it you don't get?

 

[LiveFreeX]

Why not go to Pakistan and pick up a woman from there? You're insane to want to date an americanized version.

she's the good girl type (doesn't drink, smoke, doesn't go clubbing) and wants something serious.

That's just a regular girl IMO at least from the 3rd world. You guys all want to date and hit on the slvtty, stuck up princesses. Why not track down the girl that wants to have 1 relationship forever, they are out there in droves but not int the rich areas. Go down to the 3rd world slums and you'll meet the girls that don't drink, smoke or even know what a club is. They aren't dressed in the latest fashions, have cellphones, cars or money, but their heads are in the right place: SURVIVAL.

In regards to her problem: She could either have you, a horny guy that wants a quick pump and dump OR a rich, mature, marriage-minded 3rd world husband.

Hmm I know which one I'd choose.

Have you ever even been to Pakistan or India? There are tons of women in the countryside. Really though, fvck pakistan, Indian food is 100x better.

 

[TheOne21]

You typed it yourself - 'she won't go against her family'.

What is it you don't get?

Yeah I know I typed that.. But she likes me back and wants me too.. If she didn't want me - I'd be ok with it but it's her family that's the problem - that's why I wanted advice..

 

[LiveFreeX]

Don't be an idiot, eject ASAP... you could be facing a bride burning or honour killing. You want to be responsible for that?

 

[TheOne21]

Why not go to Pakistan and pick up a woman from there? You're insane to want to date an americanized version.

WTF? Why would I go to Pakistan to pick up women? Me and her are from the UK bruh, both born and bred here..

That's just a regular girl IMO at least from the 3rd world. You guys all want to date and hit on the slvtty, stuck up princesses. Why not track down the girl that wants to have 1 relationship forever, they are out there in droves but not int the rich areas. Go down to the 3rd world slums and you'll meet the girls that don't drink, smoke or even know what a club is. They aren't dressed in the latest fashions, have cellphones, cars or money, but their heads are in the right place: SURVIVAL.

"You guys all want to date and hit on the slvtty, stuck up princesses" - Dude you don't know sh*t about me so don't judge or compare me to anyone.

I don't care if she does or doesn't drink, smoke or hit clubs & has never had a bf but I respect the fact that she's like that..

And lastly, I'm not going to a 3rd world country to find a girl.. Why would you even suggest such dumb crap?

In regards to her problem: She could either have you, a horny guy that wants a quick pump and dump OR a rich, mature, marriage-minded 3rd world husband.

Hmm I know which one I'd choose.

Yeahhhhh, she could have a smart young man who she enjoys spending time with, a man with a career, who's going somewhere in life OR some guy from abroad who she's going to meet for the 1st time on her wedding day - you even think before you type bro?

Have you ever even been to Pakistan or India? There are tons of women in the countryside. Really though, fvck pakistan, Indian food is 100x better.

Nope, not been to India or Pakistan, born in UK, raised here & will die here. I agree with the food bit for sure lol

 

[TheOne21]

Don't be an idiot, eject ASAP... you could be facing a bride burning or honour killing. You want to be responsible for that?

If me & her date, get into a relationship and it gets serious then I will take full responsibility for her. I will make sure no one even TOUCHES her..

 

[jafyk]

If me & her date, get into a relationship and it gets serious then I will take full responsibility for her. I will make sure no one even TOUCHES her..

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you are thinking with your d!ck. The problem isn't necessarily that you are but that you are in denial or unaware of it. So, there are 2 scenarios here.

Accept you want to hit it and just focus on the short term
I'm usually for people being honest about their intentions. So, you can go this route and let her know you are not looking for the long term if you think she will be cool with it or you can string her along with long term intentions till you hit it. Although this is dishonest the fact is you don't actually have a future with her based on her family attachment and traditions.

Walk Away
Does this girl seem like someone who will pick you over her family even if you are able to show her that you are the one worthy of her. Do you really want to be the one to tear her away from her family? I'm almost positive you won't even get that choice as most girls are easily influenced by their family. You will waste your time going down that in the long run route and getting invested in her just for her to pick her family over you. The fact you are not willing to walk away from her shows you might be developing ONE-itis. Look at how easy it was for to want to end things even before it started. Walk away.

 

[Pardner]

If the family has the say in it and she won't go against them then there is really nothing you can do.

 

[Tictac]

Six different guys have told you this doesn't work for you or her.

All you do is contradict them about what you want.

What you want is for reality not to be reality.

She won't go against her family's wishes. You typed that yourself.

She isn't coming your way.

Wishing she was won't help you.

 

[TheOne21]

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you are thinking with your d!ck. The problem isn't necessarily that you are but that you are in denial or unaware of it. So, there are 2 scenarios here.

Bruh, I'm not thinking with my d!ck..

Accept you want to hit it and just focus on the short term
I'm usually for people being honest about their intentions. So, you can go this route and let her know you are not looking for the long term if you think she will be cool with it or you can string her along with long term intentions till you hit it. Although this is dishonest the fact is you don't actually have a future with her based on her family attachment and traditions.

I'm the type to be honest with my intentions.. I obviously do wanna hit it but I recon she's the type I'd want a relationship with..

Walk Away
Does this girl seem like someone who will pick you over her family even if you are able to show her that you are the one worthy of her. Do you really want to be the one to tear her away from her family? I'm almost positive you won't even get that choice as most girls are easily influenced by their family. You will waste your time going down that in the long run route and getting invested in her just for her to pick her family over you. The fact you are not willing to walk away from her shows you might be developing ONE-itis. Look at how easy it was for to want to end things even before it started. Walk away.

Tbh, she did tell me once if she were given a choice between her family and the man she loves - she'd pick her family, hands down..

I don't want to tear her away from her family, if we get serious, then I'd want to be part of her family & vice versa..

I don't have oneitis - I've had it in the past for some chick so I know the feeling lol..

 

[TheOne21]

If the family has the say in it and she won't go against them then there is really nothing you can do.

I know but I don't wanna give up so easily..

 

[TheOne21]

Six different guys have told you this doesn't work for you or her.

All you do is contradict them about what you want.

What you want is for reality not to be reality.

She won't go against her family's wishes. You typed that yourself.

She isn't coming your way.

Wishing she was won't help you.

Ok, so if 6 people tell me to jump off a cliff then I should listen? Illogical..

I know, I'm the type of guy who'll challenge anyone..

I know you're all trying to help a brother out & I appreciate all the advice & criticism but I just don't wanna back off because she clearly likes me back..

 

[backseatjuan]

She doesn't want to end up leading me on because she knows her family won't say yes to us if we get serious so its better to end it now.

That don't mean you can't have sex with her.

Note: She's never had a bf, she gets asked out by loads of guys but never goes out with any of them & she's not the freak or ho type, she's the good girl type (doesn't drink, smoke, doesn't go clubbing) and wants something serious.

Yes, I know those nite little girls, virgins, but trust me they all suck and take it in the butt.

 

[TheOne21]

That don't mean you can't have sex with her.

I'm not too sure how far she'd let me go if she's never had a bf.. All depends on my DJ skills..

Yes, I know those nite little girls, virgins, but trust me they all suck and take it in the butt.

I know girls do that to remain virgins but again if she's never had a bf....

 

[SeymourCake]

I'm Indian, and I would drop it. I'm not gonna intervene with her family tradition/values.