Arggh! I can't think straight. How should I play this??

[8ball]

I have to drop off my son at my ex-wife's house pretty much every day.

There is no way to avoid contact w/ her.

Lately, she's been coming home from work, getting dressed real nice and sitting on the porch. The neighbor guy ( who's married w/ a small kid ) is ALWAYS out having a smoke and talking to her.

This didn't bother me at first, but now it's starting to get to me. I dropped him off today and sure enough, there was the neighbor guy sitting out on his townhouse porch just chatting away.

Well, I got pissed,asked her to step inside for a minute, and yelled and acted like a jealous AFC. It bothers me. Our marriage is over, but I was w/ her for 6 years, she's the mother of my son, and it BOTHERS me to see her talking another guy.

She knows this and takes great pleasure in seeing me get upset.

Well, I would like to turn the tables on this situation. I can't go ganji, I have to see her. I can't seem to think straight about this. ( That's always the case when your the one involved I guess. )

Are there any men here that have been in this situation? I want to be the one messing w/ her emotions. What should I do?

 

[Chewy Bagel]

C'mon bro, why not be more mature about the situation. Don't be that guy...

 

[8ball]

Ok..I'll try to be more mature.

How would a mature man act seeing that I am acting immature?

I'm serious..I was hoping for a little bit more than 'act mature'.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

8Ball, why not just drop your child off, make sure he gets to his mother's care and drive off. That's all you need to do. You aren't with her anymore - she can speak to whoever she wants - even married neighbors. There is nothing you can say or do about it without looking like a psycho.

 

[quasimoto]

I think you need to be dead to the situation. If she is not doing anything that puts your son at risk you can't say a thing. Be indifferent no matter how difficult it may be. At least pretend that you are indifferent whenever you are around her.
If you are pissed that's fine, but she doesn't need to see it, and your son doesn't either.
It sounds like you still have feelings for her that run deeper than the "she's the mother of my child" kind. If you do that's cool, but if you act like that around her it isn't going to help you reach your goals, whatever they may be.
I think you need to find a way to get your I give a f*ck level lowered with regards to her. It will help put you in control of the situation.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by 8ball
This didn't bother me at first, but now it's starting to get to me. I dropped him off today and sure enough, there was the neighbor guy sitting out on his townhouse porch just chatting away.

Well, I got pissed,asked her to step inside for a minute, and yelled and acted like a jealous AFC. It bothers me. Our marriage is over, but I was w/ her for 6 years, she's the mother of my son, and it BOTHERS me to see her talking another guy.

She knows this and takes great pleasure in seeing me get upset.

Well, I would like to turn the tables on this situation. I can't go ganji, I have to see her. I can't seem to think straight about this. ( That's always the case when your the one involved I guess. )

Are there any men here that have been in this situation? I want to be the one messing w/ her emotions. What should I do?

I'll be honest and tell you that I've never been in that situation. But then, I'm definitely not the jealous type... It's obvious that your marriage is not over, in your head at least. It's also obvious that she's playing games with you. Probable motivation...
A) She still has a thing for you, and wants to see if you'll admit you do too (with her in control of the situation, of course).
B) She's out for revenge because you dumped her, or let her go (I don't know which, it doesn't matter from her perspective, she's pissed anyway).

Knowing a fair bit about female psycology and their manipulative ways, I'd say B is the more likely scenario. Especially since this guy is married. In either case, the only solution to get back in control of the situation is to call her on her game. You've got to get your jealousy problem under control, and show her that you don't care what she does. If it's A, she'll start sending you more "direct" buying signals. If it's B, she'll try some other tactic to get you mad.

Obviously, since you two were married for 6 years, she knows where your buttons are and how to push them. So if you don't think you can handle yourself around her, just stop talking to her. That's what I did with my ex-wife for the first 6 years after our divorce. I just got sick of her manipulative games and ignored her. Just drop your kid off, and leave. When she starts being nice to you, then talk to her again.

 

[squirrels]

Move on, man. Think of the kid. Is it healthy for him to see you flipping out and fighting with his mom?

YOu have the responsibility of setting a positive, MANLY role-model in your child's life. Don't let your emotions run away with you. Whether she gets off on you getting angry is irrelevant. You are out of control and you NEED to move on. Don't be ignorant, don't forget the good times...just move on.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

For me maturity would be controlling the situation. In this case I would become friends with the neighbor.

Think about it, how would it make your ex feel to see you befriending the guy who she THINKS you hate? How about the neighbor, he has to know how he HAD been making you feel. What would he think if you had an extra ticket for a ball game and you ask him to go along with your son and you leave your Ex behind??????

Now you, being in the catbird seat being in control of the situation from so many different angles, how would that make YOU feel? Powerful? Confident? In control????

Maturity has its privileges

 

[8ball]

Well, for the record, he didn't see me flip out. He was out playing.
I always make sure that my son NEVER sees me any other way other than happy and in complete control of the situation.

As far as she's is concerned, yeah, you guys are right. I know that's the way to play it: distant and unconcerned. It's just hard when you are right there having to look at it. It was just a cumulative effect..the first three times I saw it .. it didn't bother me.

It just wears at you. Here's the thing..I had a woman in my bed yesterday that wins bikini contests for extra money ( no lie ), and here I am wigging over my son's fat mother.

Go figure.

 

[squirrels]

Sometimes we take it personally when things don't work out between us and a certain woman. I've never been married or attached, but I've been AFC'ed out enough over a woman to be there, where I've felt like less of a man because I couldn't connect with her and got jealous when people (not just strangers, but my FRIENDS) got close to her.

It may just not have been meant to be. Stop blaming yourself that the relationship didn't work out. Don't forever judge yourself on how you LOST this woman. You don't need to make every relationship, every encounter, work in order to be DJ. Seek approval from within, from KNOWING that you ARE a man, not from the world around you to tell you that you are one.

You have NOTHING to prove. You control your own reality.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
For me maturity would be controlling the situation. In this case I would become friends with the neighbor.

Think about it, how would it make your ex feel to see you befriending the guy who she THINKS you hate? How about the neighbor, he has to know how he HAD been making you feel. What would he think if you had an extra ticket for a ball game and you ask him to go along with your son and you leave your Ex behind??????

Now you, being in the catbird seat being in control of the situation from so many different angles, how would that make YOU feel? Powerful? Confident? In control????

Maturity has its privileges

LMAO. That's great. Funny and sweet. Even better than ignoring her.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by ZeeOwl
LMAO. That's great. Funny and sweet. Even better than ignoring her.

It DOES work very nicely, but the question then is, 1) does he like this neighbor, and 2) if not, is it worth spending time with someone you can't stand just to see your ex-wife flip out?

In the end, there are many ways you can handle it...but losing control of your emotions is not one of them.

 

[8ball]

I know her pretty good. I'm fairly certain she's doing it because she knows precisely that it will p1ss me off.

But what's weird is, when I get p1ssed, she then goes into her normal speil about how she wishes I would leave her alone and mind my own business. ( I barely talk to the woman as it is. )

Why go through the effort to p1ss me off if you want me to leave you alone????

It makes NO sense!!

 

[THA REALNESS]

Who cares?

You 're divorced ,she still young and she has needs,i'm all for putting women in their place when they get out of line ,but i won't plot and waste my time feuding with any woman.

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

She is playing mind games. She is purposely trying to piss you off and make YOU look like the fool for actually getting pissed off. So don't play the game. Ignore it. No matter how annoying it is, ignore it. Because you aren't still with her, you really don't have a right to dictate who she talks to or where, etc... so just let it go and she will probably stop it when she realizes it isn't working anymore.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by 8ball
I know her pretty good. I'm fairly certain she's doing it because she knows precisely that it will p1ss me off.

But what's weird is, when I get p1ssed, she then goes into her normal speil about how she wishes I would leave her alone and mind my own business. ( I barely talk to the woman as it is. )

Why go through the effort to p1ss me off if you want me to leave you alone????

It makes NO sense!!

She's saying that to piss you off even more, and make you feel like an AFC. Malibu is right on. And from what you just added, it's now obvious that her intention is B). She's out for revenge. No question about it. So the only real question now is, do you want to keep helping her out at it?

 

[Player_Supreme]

She knows this and takes great pleasure in seeing me get upset.


If you know she is doing this deliberately then why would you as a MAN give the f*uck in? Giving in would be the last thing I would do to this type of vindictive manipulation. What I would do is bring a ho with me next time and have her wait in the car. And turn to her every now & then and say I will be just another minute boo!

Anytime a ho is playing games with you just reverse the game right back.

 

[8ball]

She is playing mind games. She is purposely trying to piss you off and make YOU look like the fool for actually getting pissed off. So don't play the game. Ignore it. No matter how annoying it is, ignore it. Because you aren't still with her, you really don't have a right to dictate who she talks to or where, etc... so just let it go and she will probably stop it when she realizes it isn't working anymore.

You're a woman..please help me understand. If she doesn't want anything to do w/ me, then what is the point of going out of her way to antagonize me?

I've been nothing but nice to her. I could have been a HUGE d1ckhead if I so chose, but I've always taken the high road. I flat out gave her $400 dollars a couple of weeks ago to get her car fixed. I could have let her car sit in the shop, then she would get fired from her job and evicted from her house.

I'm not entertaining thoughts that she wants me back. I'm quite sure the relationship is over. I find it absolutely confounding that she would go to this effort to make me unhappy. Hmm..maybe that's it..maybe she's just unhappy and wants to see me unhappy.

This all started when I moved out of my parents basement and got a k1ck-ass single bedroom apartment. I think I just answered my question!

Bottom line: She doesn't want to see my happy. Solution: Be happy, look happy. Look as happy as a frog peepin thru ice.

Heh, heh.

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

I am a woman, but I don't to pull games like this.

I think she's doing it because she can.Without other details that's all I can say. You may have a pretty good relationship, but somewhere along the lines you did something to hurt her and this is her revenge. ?? She might be jealous that you have your act together now (you didn't when you were together? or right after you split up??) and maybe she can't stand the fact that you are happy and maybe she isnt? I don't know.

 

[white_hype]

the sweetest revenge is to lead a good life

stop worrying about your EX wife, just make sure she takes good care of your kid (shouldnt be smoking with kid around)

and move on man, go date other chicks