Are you looking for diamonds in a trash can?

[ChristopherColumbus]

I think this is healthy, however once you get stabbed in the back by a woman who is not THAT hot, the desire to re-enter the game drops so low that only very hot women can pull you back in.

The secret seems to be in finding a woman that doesn't 'scroll' [and yes, I did meet one a few months ago].

If men are egoists, then women are narcissists.... and the condition of narcissism is one of not so much loving your own life as loving your image more than your life [Narcissus could not stop looking at his reflection]. This is the problem with a lot of women today - they are fixated on their image.

 

[Atom Smasher]

If it annoys you so much beautiful women are starting at you and want to make love to you when you go out for a simple cup of coffee, just stop being so sexy.



Bro this is making no sense.

You go out for a drink and beautiful girls are eyeing you and want to have sex with you and make love to you. So much so that it is annoying.

Then you have to go online to find your current girlfriend?

Am I missing something here?

Yes, you're missing a lot. I don't go out for drinks. I'm talking about just being out and about in day to day life.

These women are not desirable to me. These women are looking for me to engage with them, while I just want some privacy and not be the subject of scrutiny.

By going online, I went fishing for a woman who shares my spiritual faith. This is enormously helpful in terms of finding candidates who are partially vetted for compatibility. It saved me from wasting a vast amount of time.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Most men are obsessed with the 'hottie' thanks to full immersion in media. The more decent girls, not desperate for male attention, hardly register on their radar. But it's these hotties that tend to have all the problems... due to too much attention.

I have re-programmed myself to find the 'hottie' distinctly unattractive these days. It's really the uprooting of a false desire, which might go towards contributing to that modicum of happiness we might find in this life.

I'm the same way. I'll take character over hotness any day. I don't find the classical "Miss America" look attractive at all. I simply lucked out with my girl's looks. That's never my prime consideration.

 

[Atom Smasher]

AS clearly stated it was a Christian dating site. He had specific requirements. Ok he's obviously got a fairly healthy ego but hey that's the American way always be selling.

There's a level of cynicism that isn't useful. Sure you'll have to guard against the bad things in life but good things happen too. Why so negative?

Exactly. I have to chuckle about the ego thing... You guys will never believe this, but just tonight my girl texted me, "Atom, you're so humble. That's something I love about you." And I hear that from people quite often. I know, this has to be impossible for you guys to believe. I get that.

That's the online persona at work. The ego thing is more of a writing convention which enables me to spew out my drivel efficiently. In a forum like this, people only see a narrow band of who we really are.

In reality, I come across and healthily humble yet strong... a good mix that people respect. I think that conveying humility is very important for a man, but it is humility that comes from strength and confidence that is true and valuable humility.

Unfortunately, online we come across as somewhat one-dimensional and people only see the tip of the iceberg of who we really are.One of these days I'll start a thread about the mix of humility with strength, as in RL I seem to have found an effective mix. Humility without strength is weakness and "betaness". But there is nothing more attractive than a strong man who also displays an appropriate amount of humility.

Likewise, excess ego, which I sometimes display here, can be annoying and can speak louder than one's words. The ego I display in RL is received as very tongue-in-cheek with a mischievous wink. I can get away with this because people sense my actual humility and kindness.

 

[captain55]

This is absolutely true. I stopped looking in clubs and bars by the time I was 20 years old, having spent 2 years in the bar scene and burning out (drinking was legal at 18).

I was successful with OLD but my method is radically different than most, methinks. I created an extremely effective profile, even quoting my post on another forum about "what a man should be" (one of them being not prioritizing a woman until engagement) and women went hog-wild over it. I essentially espoused the basic tenets of what we learn here, while offsetting any harshness with refinement and the projection of social calibration.

Then I put it out there as bait. I never approached women. I waited for the right one to approach me. I had designed my profile to scare away the modern-minded woman and to attract the woman with old-fashioned values and who want a man who has expectations of women. So there I was, lazily fishing at the pond until I got a nibble, and I reeled here in. She's a definite keeper. She brings me PEACE, not war and strife.

So I do think that OLD can be useful if one knows how to leverage it effectively. In day-to-day life, a man needs to strive to BE the best man he can be, and he will start to notice that positive conversations with women start happening, and that women start looking up to and respecting him.

The bars and clubs are truly the bottom of the barrel, an absolute wasteland.

When you concentrate on BEING and GIVING (contributing to the world and those around you), instead of GETTING or OBTAINING, women will be in the palm of your hand. They're in mine. Does anybody want one of my "spares"? Most likely, if you're like most men, they can't even see you as much more than a "thing" or a placeholder human who is taking up space.

Concentrate on BEING, and CONTRIBUTING, and DEMANDING (demanding proper behavior) and you will have "spares" of your own. You can choose to be a seeker (beggar?), or a MAGNET.

The two forbidden zones are clubs and work, when it comes to relationships. Clubs we have discussed. Work, because when she turns against you she will try to destroy your career, consciously if she is a b!tch, and subconsciously if she is a "nice" girl. Either way, the attempt will happen.

Take what @Epicurus says to heart. Cut bait in unproductive waters.

You will never pull the same quality online that you can in real life. I’m not saying you can’t meet cute hot women online just not as hot as in real life. You don’t have body language to your advantage and it’s simply too much work. Why waste my time getting a girl to meet up with me when I can approach her right in front of me. I really think guys should give up OLD if they really wanna score big. The hottest women I know may have online profiles for the ego boost but do they actually meet up with guys on there? Hell no

 

[Red Legg]

But by going to places like the club, OLD, bars etc looking for these things. The odds are stacked against you even more.

IMO You are overgeneralizing,I found an awesome LTR from Tinder of all places.Does she have her faults ? you bet she does... but we get along great and the sex has been white hot since last December when we met.This is one of the best women I have ever been with and I have been with well over 250 of them.She is a blonde bombshell a solid hb 8 in my eye and we have a sh!tload of fun.Conventional wisdom says she is trash because she is a single mom and I met her on OLD LOL...give me a fvckin break...

 

[The Duke]

Here's another popular SoSuave OVER-GENERALIZATION:

The best quality girls come from social circles!

-Girl #1(HB7, 28yo) I snagged out of a local social circle that I infiltrated recently. Fingered her in my car within 3hrs of meeting her!

-Girl #2 I met thru this same social circle. I've know her for 2yrs, never really talked much. She started coming onto me the past few weeks. So at a Halloween party I danced with her, shared a few "nice" moments, and kissed her. Later she is trying to give me her phone number. Next she is trying to take me up to her apartment. I played hard to get the entire time. Last night I asked her out, she told me she was dating someone! I confirmed this with a mutual friend as well.

It doesn't matter where you find girls. Good ones and bad ones can be found anywhere. And don't get me started on "church" girls. I had two of them. One of them has been married 6 times now. The other gets bored with guys and trades them in for a new one after the new cahk smell goes away.

 

[resilient]

The other gets bored with guys and trades them in for a new one after the new cahk smell goes away.

His lease was up.