I posted this personal rant/note to self in the MM forum, figured I'd post it here as well....do you feel that you are in your head too much? Do you mostly live in the past, present or future?
I was hanging out last night with a former oneitis who gave me the LJBF a few months back. She said something interesting...which was that when she smokes weed, it keeps her in her head, all she does is think about everything. I used to be the same way when I used to smoke, it led me to be more catious and take less chances and to overthink and analyze everything (which is in my nature, but it took it to overdrive). It also led me to never make a move on her and when I did it was too late (friendzoned). That's part of the reason I gave up smoking pot. last night she kept commenting on how relaxed I was and how she always felt safe and had fun with me. Of course part of that is because I'm in the friendzone...I've gotten to know her as a person and it's killed any attraction I had for her (serious daddy issues). I'd hit it, but I realise that we wouldn't be a good match as a couple for several reasons. I can be friends with girls, but I treat them just like one fo the guys. Which means I'm gonna comment on girls, talk about girls I'm dating, watch football, stop changing the channel when girls gone wild commercials come on, beat them at video games, talk smack and crack off a burp unashamed. Screw being on your best behavior she ain't sleeping with me anyways! lol. Now I treat her like an annoying little sister, we trade barbs and just have fun together. Which is funny, cause now she wants to hang out with me alone, not with my group of friends anymore. Whatever.
I gave her some meditations and relaxation techniques on getting out of your head. I try a few of these myself every now and then when I feel I'm getting stuck inside my dome.
One of the simplist techniques for me is to actually observe the world around me. Look at everything, take it in. Notice it. Look at people, notice things about them. When I am looking outward its hard to stay focused inward. It calms the mental gremlins down...it gives them something else to focus on.
Also I try to monitor my thoughts. When I'm dwelling on the past, I label it PAST and mentally throw it away. Same thing for the future...I label it FUTURE and try to throw it away. Then I try to go back to the first exercise to stay grounded in the present.
Focusing on the other person. I ask questions about them, watch their body language and responses and try to focus on learning more about them, this leads to better conversations for me and helps me learn more about the other person. I can't be self concious if I'm not thinking about myself. Also this helps me create more eye contact with the person I'm talking to...something I'm still working on.
Taking a note of my body language and feeling and forcing myself to be more open and relaxed. If I feel myself closing up, or feeling slightly uncomfortable I force myself to have open body language...and even smile. Eventually it will affect my mood and shake me out of my internal navel gazing funk. Especially when in new environments around strange people. I can get panicy in those situations...so I have to force myself to be open.
Handling Snakes theory. When I was a boy scout my scoutmaster used to say "The snake is more afraid of you than you are of it". I try to treat other people like that. They are probably more afraid of me than I am of them. It's no need to be defensive or aggressive, just move easily with confidence and with respect for the other person. Like handling a dangerous snake.
Take some mental time to think about my day in the morning. Spend the energy focusing on my goals and what I want to accomplish. Making a list. And that way I won't dwell on the future...its already committed to paper, now I can just focus on this moment and doing what I need to do.
Seeing the upside and looking for win wins. You have to always look for the upside or the positive even in bad situations. Its not negotiable. You have to strive to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Otherwise why even bother to go on? You have to know things will get better with dedication and hard work. God (or the universe) helps those who help themselves.
These are just a few of my thoughts on how I deal with the battle of being in my head too much. It takes some discipline..but I'm getting better and I notice I'm a lot happier than I used to be. Old friends can tell that I am.
I went to dinner with some old college buddies not to long ago and the commented on how much I have changed. How I have come out of my shell. How I'm not such a negative guarded person. And how I'm so much more fun now. Apparently I was the bitter angry sad sack of the group. But not anymore.
Your life is your responsiblity...you have to take charge of it, if your not happy with something you have to fix it. No one else will. But that's what makes you feel good about yourself. Knowing that you are working towards what you want, and accomplishing your goals.
These are just some of my thoughts and what works for me. I hope it helps someone. If you have any tips or wisdom please share.
I was hanging out last night with a former oneitis who gave me the LJBF a few months back. She said something interesting...which was that when she smokes weed, it keeps her in her head, all she does is think about everything. I used to be the same way when I used to smoke, it led me to be more catious and take less chances and to overthink and analyze everything (which is in my nature, but it took it to overdrive). It also led me to never make a move on her and when I did it was too late (friendzoned). That's part of the reason I gave up smoking pot. last night she kept commenting on how relaxed I was and how she always felt safe and had fun with me. Of course part of that is because I'm in the friendzone...I've gotten to know her as a person and it's killed any attraction I had for her (serious daddy issues). I'd hit it, but I realise that we wouldn't be a good match as a couple for several reasons. I can be friends with girls, but I treat them just like one fo the guys. Which means I'm gonna comment on girls, talk about girls I'm dating, watch football, stop changing the channel when girls gone wild commercials come on, beat them at video games, talk smack and crack off a burp unashamed. Screw being on your best behavior she ain't sleeping with me anyways! lol. Now I treat her like an annoying little sister, we trade barbs and just have fun together. Which is funny, cause now she wants to hang out with me alone, not with my group of friends anymore. Whatever.
I gave her some meditations and relaxation techniques on getting out of your head. I try a few of these myself every now and then when I feel I'm getting stuck inside my dome.
One of the simplist techniques for me is to actually observe the world around me. Look at everything, take it in. Notice it. Look at people, notice things about them. When I am looking outward its hard to stay focused inward. It calms the mental gremlins down...it gives them something else to focus on.
Also I try to monitor my thoughts. When I'm dwelling on the past, I label it PAST and mentally throw it away. Same thing for the future...I label it FUTURE and try to throw it away. Then I try to go back to the first exercise to stay grounded in the present.
Focusing on the other person. I ask questions about them, watch their body language and responses and try to focus on learning more about them, this leads to better conversations for me and helps me learn more about the other person. I can't be self concious if I'm not thinking about myself. Also this helps me create more eye contact with the person I'm talking to...something I'm still working on.
Taking a note of my body language and feeling and forcing myself to be more open and relaxed. If I feel myself closing up, or feeling slightly uncomfortable I force myself to have open body language...and even smile. Eventually it will affect my mood and shake me out of my internal navel gazing funk. Especially when in new environments around strange people. I can get panicy in those situations...so I have to force myself to be open.
Handling Snakes theory. When I was a boy scout my scoutmaster used to say "The snake is more afraid of you than you are of it". I try to treat other people like that. They are probably more afraid of me than I am of them. It's no need to be defensive or aggressive, just move easily with confidence and with respect for the other person. Like handling a dangerous snake.
Take some mental time to think about my day in the morning. Spend the energy focusing on my goals and what I want to accomplish. Making a list. And that way I won't dwell on the future...its already committed to paper, now I can just focus on this moment and doing what I need to do.
Seeing the upside and looking for win wins. You have to always look for the upside or the positive even in bad situations. Its not negotiable. You have to strive to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Otherwise why even bother to go on? You have to know things will get better with dedication and hard work. God (or the universe) helps those who help themselves.
These are just a few of my thoughts on how I deal with the battle of being in my head too much. It takes some discipline..but I'm getting better and I notice I'm a lot happier than I used to be. Old friends can tell that I am.
I went to dinner with some old college buddies not to long ago and the commented on how much I have changed. How I have come out of my shell. How I'm not such a negative guarded person. And how I'm so much more fun now. Apparently I was the bitter angry sad sack of the group. But not anymore.
Your life is your responsiblity...you have to take charge of it, if your not happy with something you have to fix it. No one else will. But that's what makes you feel good about yourself. Knowing that you are working towards what you want, and accomplishing your goals.
These are just some of my thoughts and what works for me. I hope it helps someone. If you have any tips or wisdom please share.
