Are women unromantic?

[Luminescence]

It would of course depend on how one defines ''romantic'', but in it's classical definition, it's usual defining characteristics revolve around deeply positive feelings associated with another person and attempting to express this admiration for them through words and actions. In our culture (and probably many others) women are often thought as being more prone to these feelings of love and desire for emotional intimacy with the opposite sex, but is this actually the case? It's said that girls love the idea of romanticism, and supposedly spend a great deal of time fantasizing over it. Don't we most often fantasize about things that we have not or cannot experience? It seems that women love the idea of romanticism in theory but at heart are mostly dispassionate and pragmatic.

Any thoughts?

 

[Colossus]

My old psych teacher used to say that women were 'empirically' less romantic than men, consistently. I think women like the idea of being wanted and desired to such an extent that a man will do romantic things for her. I also think a lot of it is social conditioning.

 

[Jitterbug]

It would of course depend on how one defines ''romantic'', but in it's classical definition, it's usual defining characteristics revolve around deeply positive feelings associated with another person and attempting to express this admiration for them through words and actions. In our culture (and probably many others) women are often thought as being more prone to these feelings of love and desire for emotional intimacy with the opposite sex, but is this actually the case? It's said that girls love the idea of romanticism, and supposedly spend a great deal of time fantasizing over it. Don't we most often fantasize about things that we have not or cannot experience? It seems that women love the idea of romanticism in theory but at heart are mostly dispassionate and pragmatic.

Any thoughts?

Words and actions.

We all love other people saying and doing nice things for us.

Romance: men saying & doing nice, romantic things for women.

Of course the women love it!

You know any woman who does romantic things for her man? I don't. Some must exist, but they're very rare.

 

[Truebrit]

It would of course depend on how one defines ''romantic'', but in it's classical definition, it's usual defining characteristics revolve around deeply positive feelings associated with another person and attempting to express this admiration for them through words and actions. In our culture (and probably many others) women are often thought as being more prone to these feelings of love and desire for emotional intimacy with the opposite sex, but is this actually the case? It's said that girls love the idea of romanticism, and supposedly spend a great deal of time fantasizing over it. Don't we most often fantasize about things that we have not or cannot experience? It seems that women love the idea of romanticism in theory but at heart are mostly dispassionate and pragmatic.

Any thoughts?

Correct - the idea of romancing a girl to seduce her is myth empowering females and giving them options. In my opinion women want to get f*cked first and foremost and most will give it up as long as your not too sleazy about it without any romance at all....The romance comes afterwards, normally instigated in an exclusivity play by the female.

 

[Luminescence]

My old psych teacher used to say that women were 'empirically' less romantic than men, consistently. I think women like the idea of being wanted and desired to such an extent that a man will do romantic things for her. I also think a lot of it is social conditioning.

Yes something that I didn't really mention, was that this thread was created with the opinion that women are less romantic than men, not just that they are unromantic, but that men are the romantics if either sex is.

 

[jophil28]

Yes something that I didn't really mention, was that this thread was created with the opinion that women are less romantic than men, not just that they are unromantic, but that men are the romantics if either sex is.

Women love romance - true, BUT they regard it as a gift or an entitlement from men, not a mutual process in which women contribute equally.

 

[STR8UP]

It seems we have been touching on a certain theme with a few of the posts lately.

Women are obsessed with "the idea of" rather than "the act of". This includes romance.

When a woman says "I love romance" what it really means is that she loves dreaming about her perfect man weeping her off her feet at the perfect moment.

But there are two issues with this.

1) A little goes a long way. If you dole it out by the shovel full you will quickly pop her little emotional balloon.

2) Since this is all a fantasy, women only enjoy and appreciate romance when it comes from a guy who has them starving for his attention. Unless you are that guy who has the ability to fill her emotional balloon through the use of a little romance, you are actually DEFLATING it.

So unless it's the perfect situation, you are actually killing her fantasy, and thus her attraction for you.

Ever heard a woman recounting a romantic situation or gesture (this ONLY happens when it came from the guy she was starving for) to her girlfriends? They are all giddy as school girls. They relish the moment and dream about the same thing happening to them. But it's all a dream. The reality of it is that if they were the recipient of the same romantic gesture, they would ONLY enjoy it and appreciate it if it was coming from the right person at the right time. And how often is it from the right guy at the right time? Almost never. that's why you should "use" romance sparingly and cautiously.

So yes, women are more in love with the idea of love and romance than they are of love and romance itself.

Just another one of those things where you can't take what a woman says at face value.

 

[jophil28]

It seems we have been touching on a certain theme with a few of the posts lately.

Women are obsessed with "the idea of" rather than "the act of". This includes romance.

When a woman says "I love romance" what it really means is that she loves dreaming about her perfect man weeping her off her feet at the perfect moment.

But there are two issues with this.

1) A little goes a long way. If you dole it out by the shovel full you will quickly pop her little emotional balloon.

2) Since this is all a fantasy, women only enjoy and appreciate romance when it comes from a guy who has them starving for his attention. Unless you are that guy who has the ability to fill her emotional balloon through the use of a little romance, you are actually DEFLATING it.

So unless it's the perfect situation, you are actually killing her fantasy, and thus her attraction for you.

Ever heard a woman recounting a romantic situation or gesture (this ONLY happens when it came from the guy she was starving for) to her girlfriends? They are all giddy as school girls. They relish the moment and dream about the same thing happening to them. But it's all a dream. The reality of it is that if they were the recipient of the same romantic gesture, they would ONLY enjoy it and appreciate it if it was coming from the right person at the right time. And how often is it from the right guy at the right time? Almost never. that's why you should "use" romance sparingly and cautiously.

So yes, women are more in love with the idea of love and romance than they are of love and romance itself.

Just another one of those things where you can't take what a woman says at face value.

Great and mighty words ,STR8uP.

 

[Master Bates]

I made a post about this almost a year ago. I'd never really thought about it until I was reading this book Travels by Michael Crichton and came upon this passage.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=130372

 

[jophil28]

Women are obsessed with "the idea of" rather than "the act of". This includes romance.

When a woman says "I love romance" what it really means is that she loves dreaming about her perfect man weeping her off her feet at the perfect moment.

What you are really describing is a flood or neuro trasmitters in her skull - just brain chemicals - natural feelgood drugs. A big tub of chocolate fudge has a similar effect.
And that, gentlemen, is what motivates woman to choose one man over another,and whether she stays in an LTR with you or branch swings to the next drug supplier... brain chemicals.

Why do you think that 70% of divorces are filed by women ?
The answer is simply that their idiotic belief system has led them to pursue a life of material amd emotional indulgence and if YOU do not supply her with the buzz from these things then she concludes that she and you are "not compatible " or that she has "fallen out of love" ..Ergo a divorce is what makes the most sense as a remedy.

 

[Trader]

Let's define our terms first so we know what we're talking about

The OP defined the word 'romantic' as being

"Deeply positive feelings associated with another person and attempting to express this admiration for them through words and actions."

I agree but I would add one bit to it:


"Deeply positive feelings associated with another person and attempting to express this admiration for them through FLOWERY OR EXAGGERATED words and actions."

Letting a girl know you want her through hot eye contact, is that romantic? You are displaying your desire and admiration but it's not flowery. But taking her to watch some sunset high in the hills is a bit over the top and most would consider that to be romantic.


QUESTION: Do women want men to be romantic towards them?

Ask any woman and she will say: "Of course!" And it is true.

But WHY do women want men to be romantic towards them?

So they can have power over the guy.

Ever heard a woman recounting a romantic situation or gesture (this ONLY happens when it came from the guy she was starving for) to her girlfriends? They are all giddy as school girls. They relish the moment and dream about the same thing happening to them. But it's all a dream. The reality of it is that if they were the recipient of the same romantic gesture, they would ONLY enjoy it and appreciate it if it was coming from the right person at the right time. And how often is it from the right guy at the right time? Almost never. that's why you should "use" romance sparingly and cautiously.

Yes, usually romance backfires on you, especially on beautiful girls. Why? Because romance lets the girls know that they have power over you, and beautiful girls are addicted to CHALLENGE.

My old psych teacher used to say that women were 'empirically' less romantic than men, consistently. I think women like the idea of being wanted and desired to such an extent that a man will do romantic things for her. I also think a lot of it is social conditioning.

If we define being romantic as FLOWERY displays of affection, then yes, women are not romantic at all. But girls do display signs of affection, they are just not flowery.

Now you said that girls like the idea of being desired and wanted. I agree, but that is after you 2 have become bf/gf. In the intial phase, girls LOVE it when they have to 'pull out all the stops' to attract your attention, it makes them feel sexy. Which is why being a CHALLENGE always works.

I'm sure you guys have all experienced this...once the girl is into you, she starts wearing tighter and tighter clothes on dates. She even resorts to the push up bra.

What turned me on so much was, this one girl she was trying to attract me so she wore this super tight pink silk shirt + push up bra on our date. She is normally A cup, but she looked like a C cup that night. All for me. Now check this out. I actually love flat girls...like girls with absolutely NO curves. Later my female friend told that girl about my taste. The next date, she made sure she looked completely flat-chested. All for me.

More examples. I took that girl to dinner and we were looking at the menu. She says: "Oh, you order for me." That's hot.

We're in my car, and I'm listening to Jolin. And she's like: 'Oh I love her songs, I love this singer.'

And I'm like: 'Oh then you should know the name of this song, what is it?'

She's like: 'Uh...umm...oh this must be one her older songs, I can't remember the name.'

I said: 'Actually, this is one of her most popular songs and it came out last year.'

Ha - a girl pretending to like what you like. When a girl wants you, she turns into an AFC!


So yes, girls are not romantic, at least not in the traditional sense, but that doesn't mean they don't show signs of affection.

 

[WalkingStick]

Great stuff, STR8UP.

Pook made a post on this topic called "Romanticism: An Obituary". You can imagine what it encompassed.

As anyone who has been on this forum will know, flowers, cards, candy, and favors are generally considered AFC. As others have said, women want a challenge, and going overboard or early with this will make you look wimpy, desperate, all that stuff.

That's not to say flowers, gifts, etc cannot be used, but they CANNOT be used to buy affection. They can be used as rewards or to mix things up, but they will not take place of strength, determination, independence, and general masculinity to create attraction.

 

[LovelyLady]

What are some romantic gestures you, as men, would appreciate from the women in your lives? (There is talk of what women want/don't want - would you share what is it that you want?)

 

[ketostix]

What are some romantic gestures you, as men, would appreciate from the women in your lives? (There is talk of what women want/don't want - would you share what is it that you want?)

About time this question was asked.

Here's my rough outline of a list:

-Cooking a nice dinner
-Cleaning my house, doing dishes, laundry, etc. To me this is a romantic gesture nowadays.
-Writing cute little letters, giving little cute gifts.

-Ignoring the advancement from other guys, not trolling for other male's attention.
-various compliments and statements of appreciation.

QUESTION: Do women want men to be romantic towards them?

Ask any woman and she will say: "Of course!" And it is true.

But WHY do women want men to be romantic towards them?

So they can have power over the guy.

This is essentially it. Romance to women is synonymous with a man having a high interest level and pedastilizing the women (she has no competition). For a woman, putting a man's value aside, it's all about the man's interest level. That's the real prize for women to win, because sex is a given. A man basically has two "prizes" to "win", sex and then her true interest if he is so interested in that. Most of the game is not giving over your interest in a woman too easily. Once a woman believes she has you really interested in her, she's won her prize and it's equivalent to a guy fvcking the girl and getting off then heading out the door.

 

[Luminescence]

This subject brings up a possibility that I'm surprised has not been discussed with depth here. Go to the very roots of the question and what you begin to notice is that women fantasize more over the experience of loving someone in comparison men fantasize over having someone who will reciprocate their own feelings. This is very interesting because people fantasize over something that is not or has never been a reality in their life. Since women like to imagine themselves loving someone, it suggests that they rarely experience this sensation with any intensity. In fact it seems as if not only is love a less frequent occurrence among women in general but when they do have the experience it is less deep than men's.

Men fantasize over what women have and women fantasize over what men have. Women are the receivers of love and men are the givers.

Physiologically a womens mind experiences love less often and less intensly than men.

 

[Luminescence]

I made a post about this almost a year ago. I'd never really thought about it until I was reading this book Travels by Michael Crichton and came upon this passage.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=130372

Yeah I read this thread a while ago, and it was one of the reasons I started thinking about this subject.

 

[DonGorgon]

Semantics such as romanticism are irelivent its all about what you are willing to do to get her... she can have you and 30 other dudes now if she wants so here you are competing for her... she does not have to me romantic and will only if it ads to her own emotional high, it has nothing to do with you....

 

[Luminescence]

Semantics such as romanticism are irelivent its all about what you are willing to do to get her... she can have you and 30 other dudes now if she wants so here you are competing for her... she does not have to me romantic and will only if it ads to her own emotional high, it has nothing to do with you....

Thats part of it too.

 

[slaog]

Women have feelings too as do men. How often they feel these romantic feelings is whats important here. Since most men are AFCs, women cannot feel those same things they feel for masculine men.

IMO Being romantic is making women feel feminine by you being masculine.

As anyone who has been on this forum will know, flowers, cards, candy, and favors are generally considered AFC. As others have said, women want a challenge, and going overboard or early with this will make you look wimpy, desperate, all that stuff.

That's not to say flowers, gifts, etc cannot be used, but they CANNOT be used to buy affection. They can be used as rewards or to mix things up, but they will not take place of strength, determination, independence, and general masculinity to create attraction.

I think the highlighted part there is the key to this. It's ok to be romantic if it's sincere. That means if YOU like to.

If you're being romantic just for the sake of it then it doesn't mean much. Actually it means you're acting like an AFC and coming on too strong or trying to buy affection.


On a lighter note: Women have no feelings .