Are we so caught up in being alpha that we neglect the primary goal?

[alpha_ash]

Are we so caught up in being alpha that we neglect, even disregard the initial goal that brought us here in the first place? Actually falling in love with someone.

I miss that feeling, which I know everyone will say is total AFC.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Nah, it's not a bad feeling. Heck, it's not even a bad idea for a guy to show a girl he cares for her.

Here's the problem: when guys first get to these boards, they have a lifetime of AFC behavior built into them they have to get rid of. They hear about this thing called "being Alpha" and learn all they can about what it means. Then, they try to put it into practice.

Remember when you first learned how shoot a basketball? For most of us it was when we were little, so ball control wasn't exactly the best. And what do most little kids do when they're learning this new skill? They go overboard - they throw the ball too hard for it to go into the hoop, or their aim is WAY off and they can't even hit the backboard.

This is how it is with guys learning to be "Alpha." They think they have to do a complete 180 and suddenly be TOO aggressive, or they go from being a begging wimp to trying to order a chick around all the time (i.e. "We WILL be going on this date, chick, at THIS time, and if you DON'T show up that's the END of us!" - yes, I've seen these stories on this board before, and I just SMH.)

Because their goal at this point is to be this image of an Alpha male they have in their heads, they end up trying too hard to be that way so they can attract a woman. What they don't realize is they end up with the same problem they had in the first place. Before, they lost women because they were too needy and AFC; now, they lose women because they look like they're trying to be something they're not, or look too bossy and mean.

Unfortunately, it's the stage most guys will have to go through before they can find some balance in their behavior. Going back to the basketball metaphor, once the person realizes they don't have to throw so hard or move around so much to get the desired result, he's able to get the ball in the basket. Same thing with being "Alpha": once a guy realizes he can still be himself while just adjusting a few of his behaviors and knowing what things to do and NOT do, he's able to use the ways of the Alpha male properly.

 

[Purefilth]

^^ Basically that. I'm not bothered about the whole alpha thing, I just do me - I have fun, and I like to see others have a good time too. The whole AMOG thing is a PUA gimmick, and trying too hard there just makes you a Beta - as harry says, it shows through.

Just have fun, help others have fun, and you'll be a pleasure to be around.
If people like having you around, then girls will want to get to know you. Dont worry so much about alpha appearance.

 

[alpha_ash]

Nah, it's not a bad feeling. Heck, it's not even a bad idea for a guy to show a girl he cares for her.

Here's the problem: when guys first get to these boards, they have a lifetime of AFC behavior built into them they have to get rid of. They hear about this thing called "being Alpha" and learn all they can about what it means. Then, they try to put it into practice.

Remember when you first learned how shoot a basketball? For most of us it was when we were little, so ball control wasn't exactly the best. And what do most little kids do when they're learning this new skill? They go overboard - they throw the ball too hard for it to go into the hoop, or their aim is WAY off and they can't even hit the backboard.

This is how it is with guys learning to be "Alpha." They think they have to do a complete 180 and suddenly be TOO aggressive, or they go from being a begging wimp to trying to order a chick around all the time (i.e. "We WILL be going on this date, chick, at THIS time, and if you DON'T show up that's the END of us!" - yes, I've seen these stories on this board before, and I just SMH.)

Because their goal at this point is to be this image of an Alpha male they have in their heads, they end up trying too hard to be that way so they can attract a woman. What they don't realize is they end up with the same problem they had in the first place. Before, they lost women because they were too needy and AFC; now, they lose women because they look like they're trying to be something they're not, or look too bossy and mean.

Unfortunately, it's the stage most guys will have to go through before they can find some balance in their behavior. Going back to the basketball metaphor, once the person realizes they don't have to throw so hard or move around so much to get the desired result, he's able to get the ball in the basket. Same thing with being "Alpha": once a guy realizes he can still be himself while just adjusting a few of his behaviors and knowing what things to do and NOT do, he's able to use the ways of the Alpha male properly.

^^ Basically that. I'm not bothered about the whole alpha thing, I just do me - I have fun, and I like to see others have a good time too. The whole AMOG thing is a PUA gimmick, and trying too hard there just makes you a Beta - as harry says, it shows through.

Just have fun, help others have fun, and you'll be a pleasure to be around.
If people like having you around, then girls will want to get to know you. Dont worry so much about alpha appearance.

Thank you guys! I think needed that insightful lecture. There's no reason to be overly aggressive or demeaning.