"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Are we more attracted, when they're attracted to us?

B

badsmellingbob

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I found that, in general, the women I'm most attracted to were the ones who were attracted to me from the beginning. Of course I don't think every women is attracted to me, but the ones who stood out have turned out being in to me as well. Do we pick up on attraction, or do we see a dragon when it's really just a windmill (a la Don Quixote)?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Zarky

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There were two recent studies showing the following:

Women were most attracted to a man when the women weren't sure whether the man was attracted to them or not.

Men were most attracted to a woman who was attracted to them but not other men.

The studies are on the blog "Barking up the Wrong Tree" but I'm too lazy to find the link.

EDIT:

Ok, here's a link to the first study: http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-uncertainty-increase-romantic-attraction
 
zekko

zekko

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Zarky said:
Women were most attracted to a man when the women weren't sure whether the man was attracted to them or not.

Men were most attracted to a woman who was attracted to them but not other men.
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Makes sense. Men want to be admired and appreciated, they want women to think they are the alpha, the best male, they don't want other males putting their seed into their woman.

With women, since they want a top guy, that guy by definition shouldn't NEED them, shouldn't want them more than she wants him. Think about most of the PUA tips you read about. Most of them seem to be about sending a message to the girl that you're not that interested in her:
Talking to her over your shoulder, leaning away from her, be indifferent, don't react to her, don't be phased by her beauty, don't put her on a pedestal, don't tell her you like her, don't buy her a drink, neg her, show her you have other options, etc.

These are just generalizations though. Individual cases can always vary.
 
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