Are these signs she want to end our relationship

[Duracell_Bunny]

Well going to back to this post - I decided to carry on and it was definatly the right desision.

The girl is amazin, all my mates think shes great and are always asking me to make sures she comes along whenever I see them. To be honest her looks don't bother me anymore.

A couple of months down the line of "offically" being bf/gf she has been acting a bit differently.

• Less bubbly and a little less energy then usual
• She used to invite me over almost every day for food at her place etc.
• Sex is only now once a week
• She isn't as affectionate towards me as before, e.g. when sleeping together she used to say things like "Where are you?" if were not cuddling up together or she would put her arm around me and lightly kiss me on the back of the neck if my back was to her. This has stoped completely.
• It is now always me that has to get things moving to have sex, e,g, she doesn't give anything on impulse, anyting on return is for a very short time
• She used to send random text messages while I was at work with things such as "Can't wait to see you tonight" or "I was thinking about you and got really horny"

Are these definate signs that something is about to occur that I'm not going to like??? This is a one off girl I'd rather be with than any HB could match up to. I wasn't looking for a relationship.

Has she given up on me with the sex as after three months she still hasn't been able to make me orgasm (thats my fault).

I'm unsure what to do here, I have been giving her space and to be honest do enjoy my own "me time" every now and again.

She has complained in the past that I don't tell her thinks like "I like you" or other things. The bible has brainwashed me into not saything things like that. Maybe because of this she doesn't think I'm into her as much as I am.

She used to live with her ex for a few years and they were engaged. Maybe she is expecting too much from me.

Don't get me wrong, she does still want to spend time together and trys to organise something each weekend, due to her work she usually gets back late each week night. It's begining to feel more like a freindship.

 

[lifemisspent]

Gone through the exact same thing last month and she had lost interest. The symptoms you are describing are identical. I gave her space for three weeks and things were ok like you , just not as hot as they were. One night when she was leaving my house at 10 : 30 I finally cracked and told her that I had a feeling she had lost interest in us but that it was only a feeling and I could be wrong, She told me that yup she had and the rest is history.

 

[bukowski_merit]

The girl is amazin, all my mates think shes great and are always asking me to make sures she comes along whenever I see them.

I'm sorry but 90% of threads about GFs and EXs start off this way... I don't think it's by chance that most of these threads are also about how the relationship is sinking/sunk/or on fire.

• Less bubbly and a little less energy then usual
• She used to invite me over almost every day for food at her place etc.
• Sex is only now once a week
• She isn't as affectionate towards me as before, e.g. when sleeping together she used to say things like "Where are you?" if were not cuddling up together or she would put her arm around me and lightly kiss me on the back of the neck if my back was to her. This has stoped completely.
• It is now always me that has to get things moving to have sex, e,g, she doesn't give anything on impulse, anyting on return is for a very short time
• She used to send random text messages while I was at work with things such as "Can't wait to see you tonight" or "I was thinking about you and got really horny"

I wouldn't say that these are signs she wants to END it, but they're all signs of being unchallenged and complacent. It's nothing new though. I go out to eat and look around and see soooo many couple who are obviously living in this state of boredom. Not surprisingly - the man normally notices the change in sexual interest.... This is because there's no challenge for it... There's no challenge to get the spark going.... Your "problem" could be a minor issue on why she's losing interest - but it has more to do with the way of the modern relationship...

2 months is a little soon for all this stuff to be happening.... i've kept women's wheels spinning for 2+ years before (hard hard work)... but ultimately - most wheels will stop spinning.... unless you find that PERFECT one... And this one is not that...

I wasn't looking for a relationship.

Which made you a hell of a challenge.

She has complained in the past that I don't tell her thinks like "I like you" or other things. The bible has brainwashed me into not saything things like that. Maybe because of this she doesn't think I'm into her as much as I am.

VERY dangerous thinking here man. Getting MORE INTO a woman with thining interest will only speed up the process of her completely betaizing you.

But for future reference - it's ok to tell a woman she's beautiful (especially your GF!).... But only when she's done something exceptional.... And NEVER when she's fishing for it... or saying "you don't ever tell me how much you love me" etc....

Girlfriend: You never tell me how much you like me.
Bukowski: That's because i hate you. (with a big @ss sly smile on my face)... (note: she will test hardcore after something like this; something about "never a serious conversation with you" etc.... but just hold ground and grin and then proceed to change the topic.)

NEVER tell a woman what she demands to here! That is the worse type of supplication.

---

She used to live with her ex for a few years and they were engaged.

and? what happened? very important information here...

It's begining to feel more like a freindship.

That's a lot like what it is.... And you are not alone.... I'd estimate 95% of all relationships end up like yours....

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

2 months is a little soon for all this stuff to be happening.... i've kept women's wheels spinning for 2+ years before (hard hard work)... but ultimately - most wheels will stop spinning.... unless you find that PERFECT one... And this one is not that...

That doesn't supprise me, as explained in the previous post this is not a situation I'm used to or been in before.

---



and? what happened? very important information here...

She was still living at her ex's for while (on the sofa she claimed) until she found a place of her own. During this time is when we started dating, then it moved on that she started staying at mine some nights until she finally found somewhere to live. After a few weeks from this point we got together.

Her ex used to treat her like ****. They were abroad and he cracked for a completely unknown reason and got all violent.

 

[Ease]

For some reason, a girls jealousy and insecurity around this low interest danger zone can be a bad sign. Its usually not a bad thing, but it seems to come around when she's actually losing interest. At the same time you get the more obvious bad signs like no sex and no affection.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Shes just sent me text a text of "Are you free on... I need to talk to you about something"

Great, ****ing game over!

Thought this was all too good to true.

 

[Ease]

Be strong bro. Shoot that ho down, ask her what she wants to talk about. End it over text if your sure before she gets a chance to humiliate you.

Put on some upbeat happy music, call your friends and go out.

You didnt think it was too good to be true, let's be honest, you were embarassed to be seen in public with her. she's not that good at all. Infact, if she's as bad as you say, she was an ugly slut.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Her ex used to treat her like ****. They were abroad and he cracked for a completely unknown reason and got all violent.

Ok, that is what i suspected.

I don't know how to put this in a way you would understand (since you probably don't know a lot about the female mind) - but basically - it's my opinion that she's so bored in this relationship because YOU'RE NOT TREATING HER LIKE SH!T!!!!

When she says "you never tell me you like me"... that is not a cry for her to tell her that you like her... it's a sick way to get you to continue to not say it... NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS - she does not want you to be good to her....

Unless you're willing to get violent and treat her like sh!t - i don't think you have a shot (i am not telling you to get violent and treat her like sh!t; if that's not in your nature - forget about it).....

Best you move on and AVOID women who have a history of bad relationships.... They LIKE bad relationships... and being in a typical one will bore them fast!

You can still fvck them, just not date them...

---

As for her text - yeah, it doesn't sound good.... If she wants to end it - take it in stride and count your blessings.... she has given you a great gift!

 

[lifemisspent]

Tell her you are busy that day and then ask her what's up.

When she starts giving you the speech just say ya ok whatever, ok bye bye then..................... and end it there that my friend is how you build respect.

I wish I had the guts to do that, I will the next time now I found this site.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Well she hasn't responded, normally the type that can send texts in a matter of seconds.

Its now midnight here, this is so bad I'm not gonna get any sleep or be able to work tommorow. I'm not far of 30 and this is all I've been capable of.

Oh and just to add all I said was what did she wanna talk about I have felt that something has been up recently.

 

[lifemisspent]

Her not responding is equivelant to torture..............very cold, she knows you suspect something and she knows you will not sleep tonight.

*****.

 

[lifemisspent]

Her not responding is equivelant to torture..............very cold, she knows you suspect something and she knows you will not sleep tonight.

*****.

 

[thewickedm]

Hmm. My gut tells me she has someone on the side.

 

[Serg897]

I have been here before - this situation seems just all too familiar.

Wow, the parallels are truly striking. There really is a common thread here, one that links all of these situations together. A woman will behave in a predictable way if the relationship becomes too convenient, too easy, too predictable, too boring. Once you become far too invested in the relationship its so easy to end up here. Its the sad nature of things.

Duracell, this is what you need to do. Firstoff, you need to approach the situation with all options open. You must become content with the possibility that she may want to end it, as hard as this sounds. Even if her "talk" ends up being about something trivial, your mindset needs to change fundamentally if this relationship is to survive.

To be honest, the only way I've been able to really start to "get it" is to go through many breakups like this. The symptoms you list do sound indicative of lower IL, and IMO you need to back off a bit. If she breaks up with you, do NOT let her see you sweat. Take it in stride and walk away. You will be fighting an enormous internal battle as you do this, but in the end, if you are able to resist the temptation to call her it will do you very well in the long run. I still haven't been able to do this - so to see someone else do it would make me happy.

In the end, its all about independence, and being content with yourself. You've probably seen this theme on the forum before. Realize that you don't need her, and that in the long run she is replaceable. If you do this, you can turn this into a victory for yourself.

Good luck - I hope this helps.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Well after a night of no sleep and getting up a couple times to be sick I have woke up feeling similar to a hangover and to find this text:

"I'm just feeling a bit unsure of this with us. I like you VERY much but im not sure I want to be in a relationship. I thought I did but I think I want some time to to other stuff. Will talk to you Thursday, if you don't hate me that is. X"

This is the offical ending isn't it? Where no longer together

Regardless of what other people have said is there anyting at all that can be done to save this??? I hope you understand I have an issue where I can't orgasm (physical conidtion) so the sex isn't really that much of an issue for me which is not what this relationship was about.

When we first got together I was a little unsure about wanting to be with someone, but now after taking things steady with her I got accustomed to the change of life style with her and like it. She had knowlage that I havn't been in any type of relationship or felt intimate with someone before.

I also agree with thewickedm that she may have been cheating on me.

Should I just not respond to her until we next meet or is there anything at all? What would happen if I ask if she has been seeing someone else? I don't have any solid evidence of this but the signs are all there - e.g. only sex at the weekend, like shes getting it elsewhere in the week. Her ex only works weekends.

When we see each other on Thurs night would putting up a fight to keep things going be hopeless or should I smile and wave???

Is it worth contacting one of my female freinds about this before Thursday? She met her through me (I would like to point out that I ****ed that I had a one night stand with this overweight freind, a one off drunken mistake that happened before I met the girl I'm with now).

and WTF is this reference to "other things"??? Other men???

I'm the ****tist b/f on the planet.

 

[Falcon25]

This is over. Now, you not being able to orgasm may have something to do with it. She feels inadequate. But more importantly, she has TO SEE YOU WITH OTHER WOMEN. You have to be with other girls, move on. Play some games with her. Tell her "I agree, I'm not looking for a relationship either. You are a nice girl and everything but you can't even make me ***. I can't see myself with someone like that. I have been dating and seeing other women. I'm glad you did this before I had to explain what was going on".

SHE HAS TO SEE YOU WITH OTHER WOMEN. She will come back if you treat her like a piece of asss. You have to invoke jealousy. If she is not interested, it doesn't matter. YOU HAVE TO BE AN ASSHOLVE.

 

[thewickedm]

Hey Duracell,

Just offering my pov on this situation of yours. Take it with a grain of salt, and take in everyone else's too, then decide on a course of action then take it.

First, let me just look at what she said.
"I'm just feeling a bit unsure of this with us. I like you VERY much but im not sure I want to be in a relationship. I thought I did but I think I want some time to to other stuff. Will talk to you Thursday, if you don't hate me that is. X"

I read that as "I don't feel attracted to you anymore, i like you, but i don't love you. I just want to be friends so that you will be nice to me, but I don't want to be in a relationship so that I don't have to be nice to you. I thought you were attractive, but things turned out otherwise and now I have better options (whether or not she is banging them has no bearing on your situation tho, more on that later) and I want some time to do other stuff, just not with you in my life. I hope you don't hate me, I don't like to feel guilty about this"

Now I will suggest that you don't meet her. Tell her you've some other stuff to do, wish her well, and read and implement this

Then read this too.

In times when I fouled up on my journey towards becoming a don juan and got dumped, these always pulled me through. Girls are a dime a dozen, it's finding girls that are worth keeping and are interested in you that is what we are all here to do. So, NEXT. and don't look back. We could spend a month analysing what went wrong, whose fault was it, whether it could be salvaged. But from my own experience, it's just not worth it.

oh. i forgot to add. it doesn't matter whether she is cheating on you, or whether she was intending to do so. Her actions are a result of low or lowered IL in you. Sure there are many ways of trying to salvage it for awhile, but a low IL guarantees that you will be faced with similar **** more often than not in the future. I've been there. So, just pour all you are into improving your life, living life for yourself instead of mulling over this. You will find yourself happier. Stop analysing what she says and why she says or does anything from now onwards. The focus in on you.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

thewickedm, cheers for the links. I will have a good read of these after work tonight over a cold beer.

She has just sent another text now saying "No reply? x".

I can easily say I was called in early, she knows I don't text back while at work anyway. So that should give me time to ponder until tonight.

I note your opinion and have breifly skimmed over the posts.

From the situation it is all towards as you say everything makes sense not to meet her and not respond to any further contact at all for the next couple of months.

What makes me vier towards thinking otherwise is that in the early stages when she said "am I your g.f?" where I responded "lets wait until etc. etc." she burst into tears and said she loved me and "you don't like me do you? Thats fine I'm used to it".

Could her recent text just be one of her stunts to cause a bit of drama?

But then I'm thinking if she was so obsessed over me she wouldn't be saying she's thinking of ending what we have.

I'm thinking of responding tonight with something like "Server went down this morning, got called in early and it looks like I'll be working late to fix it. I want to continue our relationship and look forward to spending the bank holiday weekend with you. Although if this is not what you want I respect that and hope everything turns out well for you." After that just ignoring any request from her to "meet for a chat".

I really don't want to loose her.

 

[hansol]

If I can suggest ONE thing you can do: Ignore her now. She "made her bed", told you she doesn't want to be with you. So now she doesn't get to be with you at ALL. No texts, no drunken conversations. She's cut off.

Yes, it will drive her crazy and she will blow up your phone with texts, but more importantly it's better for you.

Don't text her back/call/anything. Game over for her. She gambled and lost YOU, remember that. You're the prize, not her.

"I'm thinking of responding tonight with something like "Server went down this morning, got called in early and it looks like I'll be working late to fix it. I want to continue our relationship and look forward to spending the bank holiday weekend with you. Although if this is not what you want I respect that and hope everything turns out well for you." After that just ignoring any request from her to "meet for a chat"."

Don't even come close to saying that! Dude! She doesn't want a relationship. You have to see that now. It's over. Done. Why in the hell would you respect a chick who basically just told you you're boring and suck at life and she'd rather shag some smelly biker dude? Seriously? Get some dignity first. Cut this chick off. Don't "try" anything. It's ironic, but the "trying" part is what kills you. If you cut contact and move on, I guarantee it will work waaaaay better than any "trying and respecting" on your part.

 

[Igetit!]

Ok, that is what i suspected.

I don't know how to put this in a way you would understand (since you probably don't know a lot about the female mind) - but basically - it's my opinion that she's so bored in this relationship because YOU'RE NOT TREATING HER LIKE SH!T!!!!

BINGO.


I hate this about girls. I absolutely HATE IT with a PASSION....but it still true with some girls. I don't know it this is the case with this girl or not,but it is possible.



All those signs you've mentioned Duracell are signs of low/waning interest.


And that thing she said about "feeling" unsure about the two of you,and not being sure about wanting to be in a relationship are just witnesses to her loss of interest.



Can this be salvaged? Well....it is possible,although I don't see why you'd want to save it.



The thing is this....although this is reversable,it may be too late.



All of the "signs" you've mentioned about her possibly wanting to end the relationship must have been happening for a while.



Women don't just get unhappy with a relationship on Monday,then end it on Tuesday. She must have been unhappy for a WHILE for whatever reason.

You said that she used to complain IN THE PAST about you not telling her things like how you like her and other romantic remarks.




There was something EMOTIONAL she was trying to get from you. She had some type of EMOTIONAL need she was trying to get you to fill.



And when you didn't fill it,she just continued to be with you being UNHAPPY until she couldn't take it anymore.



What most girls do is nag and complain a lot. They complain over and over and over again until one day,it just stops.



She no longer nags or complains,she just seems sort of.....distant,sort of no longer there "emotionally" in the relationship. Kind of like she's just going through the motions with her heart not really being into it.



When that happens,it's usually too late to do anything about it.



As long as she's nagging and complaining and griping about things,there hope,but if she ever goes silent on you,you've got a PROBLEM.



Check out this thread here:http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=156533



Don't worry,it's not 10 pages of posts to read,there's just one reply I think you should have a look at.


Just skip down to reply number 14,and read it.

It should shed some light on the situation you're going through.