Folks, do any of you have some suggestions in terms of approaching women on buses and trains? Many times, I don't feel very encouraged or motivated to do so in those environments because of the setting and unwanted attention. This morning, I walked into the bus around 7:56 a.m. and noticed this tall, slender blonde woman wearing a black jacket over a short, black skirt and long, leather books. She seemed to be checking me out from the moment I walked in-her eyes kept wandering in my direction up until when I eventually found a seat in the back and sat down. Our eyes met, but when I smiled at her and tried to make further eye contact with her, she immediately looked away, straight faced, and made no eye contact with me again since. I had wanted to get up from my seat and take a seat next to her, as she was sitting by herself. Yet, buses and trains can be risky. If a woman doesn't think she wants to talk to you, she could simply get up from her seat and sit somewhere else. Of course, everyone would figure out what's going on. Also, based on what I've heard personally from some women, they tend not to be too hot about the idea of being hit on very early in the morning, so sometimes the timing could be off in that respect as well. It was quite a tricky situation.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
Approaching Women on Buses and Trains, and Early in the Morning
- Thread starter Frank2500
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
MisterNigma
Don Juan
Forget About Mornings
I am not a morning person. I hate "morning" people.
As far as the approach itself, I guess either be very direct, or very indirect, anything in between will make you come of as being weird.
Personally I think indirect openers are always best, definately safer.
As far as people on the bus, what does it matter what they think?
-E.Nigma
I am not a morning person. I hate "morning" people.
As far as the approach itself, I guess either be very direct, or very indirect, anything in between will make you come of as being weird.
Personally I think indirect openers are always best, definately safer.
As far as people on the bus, what does it matter what they think?
-E.Nigma
Simple approaches.
Me: Good morning (smile)
Her: Good morning (smiles back)
Me: Where abouts you goin? (casual innocent look/question)
Her: Blah blah
Me: Oh cool. Is there much of a gang problem around there? i saw some grafitti trash cans in that area once
Her: blah blah
Me: Is that where you work?
Her: Yes
Me: Does your job offer morning pilatis? Mine just started this exercise program in the morning but nobody seems to be going.
Her: No we dont have anything like that.
Me: Yea the worst thing is they have fresh donuts on the table at the entrance to the workout class. So you might say "Im a regular" (C&F)
Just an example.
Me: Good morning (smile)
Her: Good morning (smiles back)
Me: Where abouts you goin? (casual innocent look/question)
Her: Blah blah
Me: Oh cool. Is there much of a gang problem around there? i saw some grafitti trash cans in that area once
Her: blah blah
Me: Is that where you work?
Her: Yes
Me: Does your job offer morning pilatis? Mine just started this exercise program in the morning but nobody seems to be going.
Her: No we dont have anything like that.
Me: Yea the worst thing is they have fresh donuts on the table at the entrance to the workout class. So you might say "Im a regular" (C&F)
Just an example.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
MisterNigma
Don Juan
I have never done any approaches on a bus, and don't see them as very viable.
Here are the problems with you typical coach style bus if you approach;
If she's sitting by a window, and you sit down, she feels trapped.
If she's sitting in the isle sit, you can't really just come up and sit down.
If you end up standing as she's sitting you're demonstrating low value, and possibly intimidating her.
If you sit down across the isle, it will be hard for you to hear each other well.
So, for these reasons, I don't think a bus approach is the best place. Use a different environment.
One possibility, and I tried this back in college on a train. Start chatting with a girl while standing waiting for a train to come in. Then it's not so weird to just sit down and continue talking when the train arrives. Same thing should work for busses. My approach didn't lead to anything at the time though.
-E.Nigma
Here are the problems with you typical coach style bus if you approach;
If she's sitting by a window, and you sit down, she feels trapped.
If she's sitting in the isle sit, you can't really just come up and sit down.
If you end up standing as she's sitting you're demonstrating low value, and possibly intimidating her.
If you sit down across the isle, it will be hard for you to hear each other well.
So, for these reasons, I don't think a bus approach is the best place. Use a different environment.
One possibility, and I tried this back in college on a train. Start chatting with a girl while standing waiting for a train to come in. Then it's not so weird to just sit down and continue talking when the train arrives. Same thing should work for busses. My approach didn't lead to anything at the time though.
-E.Nigma
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Me thinks it could be a wonderful opportunity to make the day of a beautiful femme fatale.Frank2500 said:
Here in NYC subway trains are VERY optimal for approaching...
Especially 7 - 9 pm after the business crowd gets home. Most of the hotties are coming back from the libraries and the cars are empty and you can easily approach...
The mornings in NYC.. OUT OF THE QUESTION... If you're not physically stunning to her, you're not even going to get a sidewards glance...
-Cod3r
Especially 7 - 9 pm after the business crowd gets home. Most of the hotties are coming back from the libraries and the cars are empty and you can easily approach...
The mornings in NYC.. OUT OF THE QUESTION... If you're not physically stunning to her, you're not even going to get a sidewards glance...
-Cod3r
MisterNigma
Don Juan
I don't know about subways, I don't live in the city, but regular trains, definately.Cod3r said:
Glad I'm not the only one who thinks mornings are out.
-E.Nigma
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
Charm said:
Hey Charm you got any more good examples like comming home in the evening and you see a girl you want to meet. (I had that situation a few days ago. I saw a cutie but the train was full of people and was 8:00pm. I wasnt sure how to begin the approach to her.)
Thomas94305
Senior Don Juan
Frank2500.. I disagree with some of the others, that mornings suck for approaching.. I go to a coffee shop to study and work in the mornings, and I find it some of the best times to approach. People aren't too happy about going to work, and want the comfort of a friendly face. And, their bytch shields are not up. You're on a utilitarian train/bus/etc, and can be that charming guy to make her morning brighter.
As in all approaches, be prepared to do most of the talking at first. I like what Juggler says about this.. if you bring up a topic, have something to say about it. That way, if her response is flat.. most women are not great conversationalists, and need warmed up.. you have your own material to put out there.
People here can give you spicier material than me.. I'm still working on making my convo's more interesting. However, the following is a good frame:
Me: Hey.. good morning (with a friendly smile)
HB: Morning
Me: How's your day so far? (open ended question, don't expect her to say much)
HB: OK.... Ugh, this crappy thing happened.. or whatever
Me: (Follow up on what she gave. If she did not give much, make statements about your morning/day/week) I'm having a fine morning. I'm rushing around getting a lot done this week. I'm seeing brothers, and nephews this coming week. I want to have quality time with them, no worries about work, so I want to get this stuff taken care of. I hope to do some skiing/snowboarding.. etc..
At this point, I've opened up the topics of seeing people over the holidays, what I do for fun, getting things done and the holiday stress, kids, etc. Is easy to go into gift shopping, ask opinions on what I should get someone, etc. She'll probably "need" to talk about something there. If not, you can introduce more material. Or, she may just be uninteresting, and you can try another person.
As in all approaches, be prepared to do most of the talking at first. I like what Juggler says about this.. if you bring up a topic, have something to say about it. That way, if her response is flat.. most women are not great conversationalists, and need warmed up.. you have your own material to put out there.
People here can give you spicier material than me.. I'm still working on making my convo's more interesting. However, the following is a good frame:
Me: Hey.. good morning (with a friendly smile)
HB: Morning
Me: How's your day so far? (open ended question, don't expect her to say much)
HB: OK.... Ugh, this crappy thing happened.. or whatever
Me: (Follow up on what she gave. If she did not give much, make statements about your morning/day/week) I'm having a fine morning. I'm rushing around getting a lot done this week. I'm seeing brothers, and nephews this coming week. I want to have quality time with them, no worries about work, so I want to get this stuff taken care of. I hope to do some skiing/snowboarding.. etc..
At this point, I've opened up the topics of seeing people over the holidays, what I do for fun, getting things done and the holiday stress, kids, etc. Is easy to go into gift shopping, ask opinions on what I should get someone, etc. She'll probably "need" to talk about something there. If not, you can introduce more material. Or, she may just be uninteresting, and you can try another person.
Thomas94305
Senior Don Juan
I appreciate Juggler. Mystery offers unique insights, and that's always a good thing, but it's cold. I want to connect, I don't want to do routine after routine.. I'm not here to do a performance, she can go to vegas and buy a ticket. Juggler lets me just go and talk, without being in my head about ending act one, time to do a costume change, and start act 2, etc.
Like anything else here, reading = about 10% of the work/benefit, practicing = 90%
Like anything else here, reading = about 10% of the work/benefit, practicing = 90%
I love trains. the ones with seats faceing each other. Just have some train stories. Tell her about the train driver that read out a funny poem over the loud speaker, about the crazy guy who was telling you he is god. and about the drunk guy sitting next to you anouncing to the whole train he just farted (true stories) make her laugh. tell her to put her number in your phone and your set
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Just make a LOT of approaches frank. Thats where youll learn. Lets say you start an approach and totally screw up. Even if you see her again, who cares. Approach someone new. Eventually youll learn from all of these and get better, smoother and more quick on your feet (like a sales person har har or lobbyist).
You need a bunch of practice and never doubt that time of day means you can't approach. If you learn to feel out situations, any time can work even 4AM!
You need a bunch of practice and never doubt that time of day means you can't approach. If you learn to feel out situations, any time can work even 4AM!
Snow Plowman
Master Don Juan
Some of you guys are just being a pusvy. Why make an accuse that approaching in the morning is out of the question? Yea there may be some problems with the approach but there is always ways around it. (Crowded bus your in the front she is all the way in the back sitting)
Like your acting like this has a specific time where it works and doesn't. The same stuff works anywhere and anytime. If your approaching a girl who is sitting down like the poster said you can't be standing up for an extended time. But who says you can't take her seat or attract quickly (Under a min or 2) and then move her to another place that way she isn't sitting and ur left standing up trying to talk.
You really don't need no tips for this just do the same exact stuff that you use everywhere else.
Like your acting like this has a specific time where it works and doesn't. The same stuff works anywhere and anytime. If your approaching a girl who is sitting down like the poster said you can't be standing up for an extended time. But who says you can't take her seat or attract quickly (Under a min or 2) and then move her to another place that way she isn't sitting and ur left standing up trying to talk.
You really don't need no tips for this just do the same exact stuff that you use everywhere else.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.