I don't have a problem going up to a woman and say "Hello my name is...." or something along those lines. I know I have enough confidence to make a move. My problem is having a convo with them at a bar setting. What do you DJs say after the opener line to keep the convo flowing? Tonight, I approached a couple of girls at a bar, ask a couple of questions and I could tell it went nowhere just by their reactions. I just need a few examples to go with to have some great convos and to close out with a number.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Approaching Women at Bars/Lounges
- Thread starter NYCJoey22
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Mike32ct
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2007
- Messages
- 8,411
- Reaction score
- 5,176
A good conversation requires mutual interest.
Your interest:
1. Only approach women you REALLY want to meet. Don't force yourself to approach just for the sake of it. That makes it mechanical and women pick up on that. Be a sniper. Use your gut to figure out who you REALLY want to talk to. MOST IMPORTANTLY, let your gut instinct tell you who WILL LIKELY BE RECEPTIVE to your APPROACH. Random approaches where you roll the dice is ok and can work sometimes, but ideal is to approach women you have a good FEELING about.
Her interest:
1. This is the part that we don't control. Obviously, do what you can to optimize your look. Start the conversation and you will know in a few minutes (max) if they want to talk to you or not. Girls that find you attractive will HELP with the conversation. Girls that don't like you will give you one word answers and let the conversation die out. Don't be afraid to eject if conversation goes nowhere.
General conversational tips:
1. Have a hobby or interest you are passionate about. I play the ballroom dance card. Yours might be skiing, martial arts, guitar, rock climbing, traveling, writing, or whatever. Find a way to drop it in the conversation.
2. Observe your surroundings. Talk about the music or the venue or other cool places you've been to.
Your interest:
1. Only approach women you REALLY want to meet. Don't force yourself to approach just for the sake of it. That makes it mechanical and women pick up on that. Be a sniper. Use your gut to figure out who you REALLY want to talk to. MOST IMPORTANTLY, let your gut instinct tell you who WILL LIKELY BE RECEPTIVE to your APPROACH. Random approaches where you roll the dice is ok and can work sometimes, but ideal is to approach women you have a good FEELING about.
Her interest:
1. This is the part that we don't control. Obviously, do what you can to optimize your look. Start the conversation and you will know in a few minutes (max) if they want to talk to you or not. Girls that find you attractive will HELP with the conversation. Girls that don't like you will give you one word answers and let the conversation die out. Don't be afraid to eject if conversation goes nowhere.
General conversational tips:
1. Have a hobby or interest you are passionate about. I play the ballroom dance card. Yours might be skiing, martial arts, guitar, rock climbing, traveling, writing, or whatever. Find a way to drop it in the conversation.
2. Observe your surroundings. Talk about the music or the venue or other cool places you've been to.
NewAndImproved
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2008
- Messages
- 373
- Reaction score
- 13
Assumptive openers are money. This is pretty much all I do these days.
"You look like you're from Chicago."
"You've gotta be from L.A."
Of course you've gotta play to your strengths. I've traveled a lot so I trust my instincts and the assumption is right more times than it's wrong.
The good thing about openers like this is that the girl is always really curious how you knew that about her... even if you're wrong, she's curious about the "vibe" you picked up in her. The other night, after I opened like this, the girl pretty much just carried the conversation for the next ten minutes. She was really curious about me and the fact that this was a random approach completely dissolved.
It was so good that her friend got in between us, grabbed me, started asking all these questions about me and said I should go back and make out with her friend.
Winning.
"You look like you're from Chicago."
"You've gotta be from L.A."
Of course you've gotta play to your strengths. I've traveled a lot so I trust my instincts and the assumption is right more times than it's wrong.
The good thing about openers like this is that the girl is always really curious how you knew that about her... even if you're wrong, she's curious about the "vibe" you picked up in her. The other night, after I opened like this, the girl pretty much just carried the conversation for the next ten minutes. She was really curious about me and the fact that this was a random approach completely dissolved.
It was so good that her friend got in between us, grabbed me, started asking all these questions about me and said I should go back and make out with her friend.
Winning.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
PlayHer Man
Banned
After opening, I try to learn a little bit about her so I know the best conversation topics. Some good questions are:
"So are you in college?"
-- If she is over 25 this will be so flattering its not even funny. She will love you for this question.
"Are you on vacation?"
-- If she is just visiting she might be good for a ONS
"What do you think of the music in this place?"
"What is your favorite drink?"
You also want to make the interaction FUN for her and try to have fun yourself. Be playful. Don't take yourself to seriously. Don't seem too goal oriented.
The girl will help you out and ASK YOU QUESTIONS if she is interested.
Another neat trick is asking her for a favor. I'm not kidding.. women love to help people and asking her for a favor will actually make a stronger impression on her. Something like:
"Any chance you can watch my drink for me? I hate taking drinks into the restroom."
OR
"Can you request a song for me? The DJ's always listen to pretty girls more than guys."
"So are you in college?"
-- If she is over 25 this will be so flattering its not even funny. She will love you for this question.
"Are you on vacation?"
-- If she is just visiting she might be good for a ONS
"What do you think of the music in this place?"
"What is your favorite drink?"
You also want to make the interaction FUN for her and try to have fun yourself. Be playful. Don't take yourself to seriously. Don't seem too goal oriented.
The girl will help you out and ASK YOU QUESTIONS if she is interested.
Another neat trick is asking her for a favor. I'm not kidding.. women love to help people and asking her for a favor will actually make a stronger impression on her. Something like:
"Any chance you can watch my drink for me? I hate taking drinks into the restroom."
OR
"Can you request a song for me? The DJ's always listen to pretty girls more than guys."
My openers usually focus on something going on in the vicinity. If you are good at pointing something stupid out and can deliver it well, they'll jive and start talking to you. My standard MO is to entertain the banter for a short while, but get back to my friends so I can set up an approach later. If they are looking at me with the fvck you eyes, I go in for another conversation about anything..usually about them. Thats easy to keep flowing. The key is seeing how they respond to the initial approach, and what their eyes do. Their eyes are a signal for "come talk to me more". After that, it doesn't matter what you talk about just as long as you keep the non verbal stuff going.