Approaching Vs Engaging

[Connect4]

Alright guys,

Lately I've thinking about the difference between approaching and engaging a woman.

The way I look at it is this, APPROACHING someone is creating an opportunity with premeditation, whereas ENGAGING someone is taking the opportunity when the situation arises.

It's like when you approach someone, you already have an intention/agenda behind the approach.

You may or may not know exactly what you're going to do, but you ALWAYS know WHY you do it, and many times it may be somewhat awkward for both parties.

On the other hand, when you engage someone, it's like the situation is already there, you either take the opportunity or you reject it, and it feels much more natural to speak with them.

What is the best way of doing this? As of right now, I am convinced that it is far better to engage woman than to approach them, simply because it feels natural. I have no problem talking to beautiful woman when I am engaged with them.. but not when approaching them.

The dilemma is this, say you're you're interested in an attractive girl, but the situation does not allow you to ENGAGE the girl... WHat is there to say to her? There is nothing.. nothing in the situation that allows you to make the 'engagement,' unless you FORCE it into an approach.

And to be honest, I don't want to force it...
The only way I can think of to increase that success rate of engaging more women is to simply put yourself into situations that allow for it. Putting yourself out there, and getting out of your comfort zone. In other words, doing a lot of stuff.

What are your opinions? What WORKS for you and how can you improve that success rate?

 

[BadsnakeUK]

If you want to be really successful you need to do both. In fact I don't really see these as two separate things, just part of the same process.

If you see a hot girl, go and approach her, but remember you'll need to get her engaged and invested in the conversation or she'll walk. You also need to be engaged in the convo to convey genuine interest (this is where most wannabe PUAs come off as sleazy-they aren't interested in her as a person).

As for what to say in an approach, that's a fairly big question with a lot of competing theories to answer it. Personally I just use something observational. Compliments also work well, but don't overdo them. You really need to be one of those people with the 'gift of the gab' in this situation as you will need to move the convo on and carry the lion's share at first. Open ended questions are good, but you will need to show interest here and reward her when she commits with an answer. They key really is to practice and just get good at talking to people generally. But mainly, be interested in her; its a very flattering thing.

 

[Connect4]

You know what.. I really don't know how to respond to that post, except that I agree with you.

And you're right, I need to start practicing talking to people even when I don't feel like it. I think a lot of us are having trouble doing that. We don't want to waste energy talking with people we don't know or we have no interest in...

 

[Chimera]

If a girl is already attracted to you on some level, you can approach with pretty much anything. It doesn't really have to be contextually relevant. While I agree that it seems way less natural, it's just a learned skill that you have to pick up on. The only thing is that you can't come off as some sort of creep. If you can pull that off though, you're in the clear.

And if you forcefully try to talk to people that you have no interest in, there's not really any motivation. Either find something genuinely interesting about a person or don't bother at all.