That girl. She's so pretty. You want to approach her, but you're afraid. What's holding you back? You've studied seduction, you know what to do, and more importantly, what to avoid. You should be able to pull this off. She's giving you IOIs. But you just stand there and drive yourself crazy with your mind.
You know what's holding you back. The past. You've never had much success with women, and you just assumed the girl who you were after and didn't want you wasn't ''the one'' – because if she was, she would be with you. Now you realize it wasn't them, it was you. You've expressed some very anti-seductive behavior, every mistake in the book, actually. Obviously you realize, on logical level, that past doesn't equals the future... But on some level, it seems you still have this belief that even if you try something with her, it will be the way it has always been. That's just ridiculous! It won't be, it can't be, because fundamentally something changed inside you while studying seduction. Your perspective shifted in a way that can never be the same again. The past is gone, there's nothing really you can do about it. You won't even think about it anymore. You're a different man now.
You don't put women on pedestal anymore. You realize they're just human beings, and like you, have some good traits and some bad traits. You realize that their strong, confident appearance is merely a facade they're hiding behind. You're noticing just one of her traits, her beaty, and blowing it waaay out of proportion. She's no better than you because of her beauty. Probably you're more intelligent than her, sharper than her, more witty than her, more mature than her... Hey, you're the superior one and you will act like accordingly. You qualify her, not the other way around.
You feel better about yourself now, you've improved your self-image, you're aware of your body language and everywhere you go, girls notice you. You make piercing eye contact and instantly you attract attention. Obviously, that makes you feel good about yourself. But if you approached her and she blew you off, your little illusion you created in your mind would turn into dust. It would turn out you're not such chick-magnet after all. It's an ego thing, really. Your fear it will turn out your not that special. Well, guess what? You're not. Accept that.
In your mind, you've created this stupid belief that her acceptance/rejection is an indicator of your value as a person. Bullsh!t! She doesn't know you. You've talked a few minutes, she literally doesn't know anything about you. She thinks she does, but she doesn't. If she rejects you, it's not about you, it's about her tendency to judge and read into everything you say and make ridiculous associations and generalizations about you based on some superficial comment you made. ''Oh, he said/did X, that means he's Y''. No, it doesnt' mean that, she just doesn't realize she's creating things in her head that don't exist in reality.
Which is exactly what you do when you don't approach her. You start to worry that she'll be mean to you and her friends will laugh at you and you'll be totally humiliated in front of everybody. You allow some mental images, which have no rational basis whatsoever, to scare you to death. But never, ever, was a girl really mean to you. Sure, some were kinda b!tchy, but looking back, it was sooo not big deal. Even if she's a real b!tch; that doesn't say anything about you, it just says she's an immature creature with no empathy who doesn't respect the dignity of fellow human being. Would you feel bad if a 10 year old kid would tell you that you're a moron? Of course not, you would laugh. Hey, she's acting exactly like that 10 year old, so screw her.
If you're prone to creating mental images in your mind, why not use this tendency in your favor? You have 100 % control over your thoughts. That's the only thing you really control. You don't even control your body to the same extent. Sometimes it does things on its own. When you cough, for example. Or fart. But thoughts, thoughs are 100 % your domain. So why not create some positive mental images? After all, favourable outcome is possible.
Sometimes you're afraid you'll say something stupid, or stutter or something. Or you'll run out of things to say and then there will be that uncomfortable silence. You really shouldn't worry about that. Every person on the face on earth does things like that. It's no big deal. You should just acknowledge your mistake with light humor and forget it. It's not the mistake that counts, it's how you handle it.
You don't like the feeling of anxiety, which is the companion of the approach. But you forget that feeling in your gut is not really anxiety, it's merely excitement. It's just an indicator of adrenaline flow in your body, which happens always when you're leaving your comfort zone. That's all it is. It's not a prophet of some terrible disaster which will mutilate you in some incorrigible way. Like David D. says, ''it's a biology doing its little thing.'' There's no way around it. Don't think you'll be completely relaxed while approaching if you read one more book, one more post. If you wait for that, you'll read forever. You should treat it like a rash. It annoys you, you'd rather see it's not there, but you act in spite of and just don't acknowledge its existence; you focus elsewhere, because you know if you scratch it, it will only make matters worse.
You also think approaching her is a meaningful event. It's really not. Even if we talk about a girl you have feelings for, which you shouldn't before you get to know her... If she rejects you, you'll barely remember her, or even totally forget about her in a few years, probably much sooner. I don't think event can be categorized as a meaningful if it's forgetable so easily. Rejection is very common event, there are thousands of guys all over the globe at this moment who go through rejection. You'll have lots of company.
What if you knew you'll day tomorrow? Take a moment and really imagine it. This is your last day on Earth. Tomorrow you're gone, who knows where. You go out, walking on the streets of your town you'll never see again. You look at the tree in front of your house and realize you never noticed how magnificently beautiful tree is. You look at it the way you've never looked at it before. And then you see a woman. What a wonder of nature that is! Do you have any problem approaching her? Ah, it's easy, nothing to it. Try to recreate the feeling of anticipation of death as much as humanly possible. After all, you could die tomorrow.
We're talking about approaching a woman here, not guerilla warfare in Iraq. There's no real danger. It's about approaching a tiny creature who's physically weaker than you. It doesn't even really demand a courage, because there's nothing to be courageous about. It's not a life or death issue, it's a completely simple task – you walk up to her and talk. In fact, it's so simple it doesn't even deserve a second thought.
You avoid pain associated with rejection. And many times, you don't approach just to avoid this pain, which may possibly happen. Not that it will happen, but it may possibly happen. Out of mere possibility of rejection you give up on pursuing something priceless. And I'm not talking about her, you know. Sure, it would feel sooo good to stroke her body, but the real prize is the feeling you get about yourself when you achieve your goals. You feel like a champion. A top of the world.
And you don't really avoid pain if you don't approach. There's a pain of loneliness, but the thing is, you're used to that. It's actually worse than the pain of rejection, it's just that you're numb to it. But it's there, every f*cking day of your life and it eats you alive. And then there's that feeling of... something... that you can't quite pin-point. But you know, on some level, that this is not quite the way you should live. You know you're cheating yourself short. You know your not living to your full potential. It's not her, it's not the fact you're broke half the time, it's not your introverted personality, it's not some universal conspiracy against you. But it's easier to blame outside circumstances and events than face the abyss. You are the source of your suffering.
At the moment of the approach, surrender. You go in, you do your best and then, whatever happens, happens. Don't even think about it, you did the thinking part earlier. Oh, God knows you did the thinking part. Now it's the doing part. Refuse to be in your head. Get lost in the moment. Let the whole world dissapear while you're interacting with her. Imagine she's the most wonderful girl ever and she's into you and you're into her. How would you act? If she acts annoyed, you know she's just pretending. If you go too far with C+F, you know she'll forgive you. Don't analyze. Observe her responses so you know in which direction to move, but don't analyze. Torpedo zig-zags its way to the target by constantly correcting the course as it moves. It doesn't stop in the middle and goes, ''okay, let's see...'' Be that torpedo. You know what to do. And sometimes, torpedo misses its target. That's just the way it is.
You know, you don't have to approach. You don't. It's not like anybody is forcing you. You can just let the opportunity pass. And later, you'll see her making out with some other guy and you'll feel like s*it. Actually, how many times that already happened? How many times have you jerked off on the internet porn while some other guy was banging the girl you could have if only you made a move? Remember how it hurt? Close your eyes and really remember it. Fell the pain. Enough. Enough of this bullsh!t.
In the name of everything you stand for, go out there and make it happen.
You know what's holding you back. The past. You've never had much success with women, and you just assumed the girl who you were after and didn't want you wasn't ''the one'' – because if she was, she would be with you. Now you realize it wasn't them, it was you. You've expressed some very anti-seductive behavior, every mistake in the book, actually. Obviously you realize, on logical level, that past doesn't equals the future... But on some level, it seems you still have this belief that even if you try something with her, it will be the way it has always been. That's just ridiculous! It won't be, it can't be, because fundamentally something changed inside you while studying seduction. Your perspective shifted in a way that can never be the same again. The past is gone, there's nothing really you can do about it. You won't even think about it anymore. You're a different man now.
You don't put women on pedestal anymore. You realize they're just human beings, and like you, have some good traits and some bad traits. You realize that their strong, confident appearance is merely a facade they're hiding behind. You're noticing just one of her traits, her beaty, and blowing it waaay out of proportion. She's no better than you because of her beauty. Probably you're more intelligent than her, sharper than her, more witty than her, more mature than her... Hey, you're the superior one and you will act like accordingly. You qualify her, not the other way around.
You feel better about yourself now, you've improved your self-image, you're aware of your body language and everywhere you go, girls notice you. You make piercing eye contact and instantly you attract attention. Obviously, that makes you feel good about yourself. But if you approached her and she blew you off, your little illusion you created in your mind would turn into dust. It would turn out you're not such chick-magnet after all. It's an ego thing, really. Your fear it will turn out your not that special. Well, guess what? You're not. Accept that.
In your mind, you've created this stupid belief that her acceptance/rejection is an indicator of your value as a person. Bullsh!t! She doesn't know you. You've talked a few minutes, she literally doesn't know anything about you. She thinks she does, but she doesn't. If she rejects you, it's not about you, it's about her tendency to judge and read into everything you say and make ridiculous associations and generalizations about you based on some superficial comment you made. ''Oh, he said/did X, that means he's Y''. No, it doesnt' mean that, she just doesn't realize she's creating things in her head that don't exist in reality.
Which is exactly what you do when you don't approach her. You start to worry that she'll be mean to you and her friends will laugh at you and you'll be totally humiliated in front of everybody. You allow some mental images, which have no rational basis whatsoever, to scare you to death. But never, ever, was a girl really mean to you. Sure, some were kinda b!tchy, but looking back, it was sooo not big deal. Even if she's a real b!tch; that doesn't say anything about you, it just says she's an immature creature with no empathy who doesn't respect the dignity of fellow human being. Would you feel bad if a 10 year old kid would tell you that you're a moron? Of course not, you would laugh. Hey, she's acting exactly like that 10 year old, so screw her.
If you're prone to creating mental images in your mind, why not use this tendency in your favor? You have 100 % control over your thoughts. That's the only thing you really control. You don't even control your body to the same extent. Sometimes it does things on its own. When you cough, for example. Or fart. But thoughts, thoughs are 100 % your domain. So why not create some positive mental images? After all, favourable outcome is possible.
Sometimes you're afraid you'll say something stupid, or stutter or something. Or you'll run out of things to say and then there will be that uncomfortable silence. You really shouldn't worry about that. Every person on the face on earth does things like that. It's no big deal. You should just acknowledge your mistake with light humor and forget it. It's not the mistake that counts, it's how you handle it.
You don't like the feeling of anxiety, which is the companion of the approach. But you forget that feeling in your gut is not really anxiety, it's merely excitement. It's just an indicator of adrenaline flow in your body, which happens always when you're leaving your comfort zone. That's all it is. It's not a prophet of some terrible disaster which will mutilate you in some incorrigible way. Like David D. says, ''it's a biology doing its little thing.'' There's no way around it. Don't think you'll be completely relaxed while approaching if you read one more book, one more post. If you wait for that, you'll read forever. You should treat it like a rash. It annoys you, you'd rather see it's not there, but you act in spite of and just don't acknowledge its existence; you focus elsewhere, because you know if you scratch it, it will only make matters worse.
You also think approaching her is a meaningful event. It's really not. Even if we talk about a girl you have feelings for, which you shouldn't before you get to know her... If she rejects you, you'll barely remember her, or even totally forget about her in a few years, probably much sooner. I don't think event can be categorized as a meaningful if it's forgetable so easily. Rejection is very common event, there are thousands of guys all over the globe at this moment who go through rejection. You'll have lots of company.
What if you knew you'll day tomorrow? Take a moment and really imagine it. This is your last day on Earth. Tomorrow you're gone, who knows where. You go out, walking on the streets of your town you'll never see again. You look at the tree in front of your house and realize you never noticed how magnificently beautiful tree is. You look at it the way you've never looked at it before. And then you see a woman. What a wonder of nature that is! Do you have any problem approaching her? Ah, it's easy, nothing to it. Try to recreate the feeling of anticipation of death as much as humanly possible. After all, you could die tomorrow.
We're talking about approaching a woman here, not guerilla warfare in Iraq. There's no real danger. It's about approaching a tiny creature who's physically weaker than you. It doesn't even really demand a courage, because there's nothing to be courageous about. It's not a life or death issue, it's a completely simple task – you walk up to her and talk. In fact, it's so simple it doesn't even deserve a second thought.
You avoid pain associated with rejection. And many times, you don't approach just to avoid this pain, which may possibly happen. Not that it will happen, but it may possibly happen. Out of mere possibility of rejection you give up on pursuing something priceless. And I'm not talking about her, you know. Sure, it would feel sooo good to stroke her body, but the real prize is the feeling you get about yourself when you achieve your goals. You feel like a champion. A top of the world.
And you don't really avoid pain if you don't approach. There's a pain of loneliness, but the thing is, you're used to that. It's actually worse than the pain of rejection, it's just that you're numb to it. But it's there, every f*cking day of your life and it eats you alive. And then there's that feeling of... something... that you can't quite pin-point. But you know, on some level, that this is not quite the way you should live. You know you're cheating yourself short. You know your not living to your full potential. It's not her, it's not the fact you're broke half the time, it's not your introverted personality, it's not some universal conspiracy against you. But it's easier to blame outside circumstances and events than face the abyss. You are the source of your suffering.
At the moment of the approach, surrender. You go in, you do your best and then, whatever happens, happens. Don't even think about it, you did the thinking part earlier. Oh, God knows you did the thinking part. Now it's the doing part. Refuse to be in your head. Get lost in the moment. Let the whole world dissapear while you're interacting with her. Imagine she's the most wonderful girl ever and she's into you and you're into her. How would you act? If she acts annoyed, you know she's just pretending. If you go too far with C+F, you know she'll forgive you. Don't analyze. Observe her responses so you know in which direction to move, but don't analyze. Torpedo zig-zags its way to the target by constantly correcting the course as it moves. It doesn't stop in the middle and goes, ''okay, let's see...'' Be that torpedo. You know what to do. And sometimes, torpedo misses its target. That's just the way it is.
You know, you don't have to approach. You don't. It's not like anybody is forcing you. You can just let the opportunity pass. And later, you'll see her making out with some other guy and you'll feel like s*it. Actually, how many times that already happened? How many times have you jerked off on the internet porn while some other guy was banging the girl you could have if only you made a move? Remember how it hurt? Close your eyes and really remember it. Fell the pain. Enough. Enough of this bullsh!t.
In the name of everything you stand for, go out there and make it happen.