Approaching cold - need feedback on my technique!

[MrLuvr]

Hi guys,

Newbie here. I am working on my technique of approaching women cold.

I was at a bookstore yesterday and saw this very attractive, well dressed woman, on her own just browsing through the books. We didn't make eye contact or anything.

Here is what happened:

ME: " Hello. I couldn't help noticing you. I was wondering if asking you to join me for a coffee would be too forward."

HER: She kinda laughed and said, "Yes it would be." Shook her head saying "NO". And continued to browse the books.

ME: "Well then, maybe I could give you a call sometime"

HER: "No".... pause.. "I have a boyfriend"

ME: "Oh.. well then best of luck"

HER: "Thank you"

All the time I was kind of half smiling. She was also very polite and gave me a nice smile when I left.

I am wondering if I had pressed her more, she would have given me her number. Not sure if she really had a boyfriend, it sounded like she was thinking about what to say..

I would like some feedback on my approach. Was my starting line too cheesy? Should I have tried a follow up conversation even though she said NO, like maybe asked her where she was from (she looked East European)?

Any help on my technique would be greatly appreciated.. thanks..!

MrLuvr (DJ wannabe)

 

[testdrive00]

the way i see it, there wasn't anything wrong with your approach, then again, it's how you delivered it;
you decided to be straightforward and probably did the right thing, but after that, going into fluff talk wouldn't have been a good idea anyway, since you had already revealed your intentions

that's just the way it is with cold approaches, she wasn't receptive at the time, maybe even had a boyfriend, who knows.

delivery is all, i can't tell you if you sounded cheesy (did you?); sure, if it came across as a rehearsed line, it sounded cheesy, otherwise i wouldn't say that.

 

[cyjay201]

Any help on my technique would be greatly appreciated.. thanks..!

MrLuvr (DJ wannabe) [/B][/QUOTE]

You were fine, don't worry about it. I've gotten that once before too. Just keep practicing, it will only get easier.

cyjay

 

[splinterkb]

You gotta smooth talk to her first for a while to get the in. you cant just plain out ask or you'll probably get turned down.

 

[GodsGiftToFatBirds]

Congratulations on approaching!

Couple things i'd point out:

1. In your opening line, you're displaying self-doubt by actually questioning out loud what you're doing 'would it be too forward?' To show confidence, you've got to sound sure of yourself - summat like "i'm just about to go get a coffee, why don't you join me?'
May sound a bit trivial but it comes across completely different.

2. I wouldn't ask for the number so soon - even if i was going for a direct approach such as this one, i'd make sure i'd got some fluff talk in first. It's important to display high value, and you're not doing that by asking for the number of a woman who's just rejected you and then turned away.

That's not meant to be criticism though - keep practising and i'm sure you'll improve.

 

[DJDanny]

Definately need some fluff talk before coming out that straight forward. Grab a random book in the area shes looking at and ask her if she's read it and if so what she thought about it then use that as a lead in to get a cup of coffee or something.

 

[Tao walker 2005]

Well I am noob too, and this is the major area I need help in... but for my 2 cents worth I think you need to adopt a more dominant attitude. Eg. don't ask the woman if you can give her a call - give the woman a pen and tell her to write down her number. Of course I haven't ever done this. The success I have is through making a connection and talking about some common interest first, then it is natural that she will want to continue the conversation over coffee or email or something.

 

[MrLuvr]

Originally posted by DJDanny
Definately need some fluff talk before coming out that straight forward. Grab a random book in the area shes looking at and ask her if she's read it and if so what she thought about it then use that as a lead in to get a cup of coffee or something.

That is the thing. I am not too good with straight out fluff talk.

I figure, if the girl likes me, and likes the way I look and carry myself, just a straight up, would you like to have coffee with me should be enough.

As for sounding cheesy, I don't think I did. I approached her quite confidently, with a smile, not a smirk and seemed genuinely interested in getting to know her. I didn't rush my sentences. I spoke calmly... so I think my delivery was ok.

Maybe I will try to throw some fluff talk in there up front before I get straight to the point.

 

[SIXPAKGQ]

Originally posted by MrLuvr
That is the thing. I am not too good with straight out fluff talk.

I figure, if the girl likes me, and likes the way I look and carry myself, just a straight up, would you like to have coffee with me should be enough.

As for sounding cheesy, I don't think I did. I approached her quite confidently, with a smile, not a smirk and seemed genuinely interested in getting to know her. I didn't rush my sentences. I spoke calmly... so I think my delivery was ok.

Maybe I will try to throw some fluff talk in there up front before I get straight to the point.

I can picture that near perfectly....that was a bad move....atleast start a conversation and get to know her, make her laugh a little to put her in comfort zone....I am sure she'd be freaked out if soem stranger walked up to her and asked her out.

it does not matter even if u look like bradd pitt. you gotta do the things I described then you can do ur coffee part....hell i would just get the number and then call her to setup something...