Approach Paradox.

[Luke Skywalker]

The Paradox that I tend to encounter in offline approach is that I'll freeze up and sort of think that it's not necessary to approach, and then once the stimulus is gone from the environment, then all of a sudden all the right magical openers come to mind and it doesn't seem as difficult to have approached once the opportunity is gone.

It seems to be a curious type of thing. I feel I'm a bit spoiled with the internet dating because I feel that people give lots of information about themselves on a profile, while in real life approaches, you dont know nothing about the person, what her religion or faith is, or any insights into her personality, and it seems rather ackward to start a conversation with a random stranger to digging for information.

Today for example, I was sitting on a floor full of seats in a civil court area waiting for my number to be called up. There was this hb8 or something sitting down that looked intelligent and everything, that I just felt I should have approached. But then I'm worried I may be stalking her if I approach, or she may wonder where I came from.

But when she leaves, then all of a sudden the light shines and I think, gee, it would have been easy to approach her and try to chat her up by asking her if she was a paralegal or something since you think you've seen her here before and was wondering if she was in that profession - and then go BTW - and follow a direct approach with exchange of contact information - or go on talking to get more info about her before closing.

The fact is, the only time I get this 'light' of a probable smooth opener and conversation starter is when the opportunity is gone. While there is opportunity, I'm like worrying about a zillion things that could go wrong even on just approaching her and just think it's more efficient to not worry about it and ignore her.

Again, I think it's PARADOXICAL that I seem to always be confident to approach when the opportunity seems to be dispensed, but lack confidence when there is opportunity as though my mind were playing tricks with me. Anyway, just noticed this phenominon.

 

[TONYMONTANA523]

Why dont you try just talking to girls without trying to get at them, that you way you wont freeze up, youll be comfortable, but eventually work yourself up to picking up chicks. What works for me is treating every girl i meet except friends girlfriends as a potential target. That way if i ever wanna escalate the oppurtunity is there.

 

[lougv22]

hey Luke,

Here is an idea, the next time you see a girl you want to approach DON'T THINK about it, just DO IT! My rule is this, if you have to think about it, you are in trouble.

 

[rrrrr]

this is what the 3 second rule is for, and i think i'm going to start using it.

 

[PRMoon]

Why don't you let your curiosity get the best of you? Most of the time when I'm doing an approach on a girl I've got a million questions in my mind. You actually list alot of the same thoughts I'd have if I were in your situation. Then while all these thoughts are going through my mind, twisting it in a knot of mental fustration, the thought of "Man I just gotta know" hits me and I'll go over and say hello. I might be nervous, a little aprehensive, but really I know she's going to do most of the talking if I ask the right questions. All I really need to do is chime in every now and again when I see fit and she'll talk to me. Many times this ends in us saying nice to meet you and parting ways but at least I've met someone new. If I see that same person somewhere else, now I've got an openning because I know who it is and I've got some backround with the person in question.

True I've let some go in the same situation but those were times that I was less motivated or not in a good mood to do any gaming , which is okay too but it's just as easy to just say hello as it is to sit there and do nothing.

 

[Distant Light]

Plain and simple you don't know how to open. You haven't got passed this hurdle yet. This is like the first stage of a lot of other stuff that may hold you back. Your best bet is to practice just opening chicks.

 

[rrrrr]

Distant Light I think you hit the nail on the head.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Plain and simple you don't know how to open. You haven't got passed this hurdle yet. This is like the first stage of a lot of other stuff that may hold you back. Your best bet is to practice just opening chicks.

It seems the openers come to mind after the chick is gone. In the mean time I feel like some stupor come over me whenever the opportunity is there. Then the most 'obvious' opener will come to mind afterwards.

Let's deal with some fears of approach. What is the difference between approaching and stalking behaviour? It's important to distinguish this because this is allot of anti-approach thought is "what if she thinks I'm stalking her".

I know I seem to be posting more advanced threads about kissing and going on dates with women and I cant seem to approach random women. The reason for that discrepency is I'm going with very soft approaches (i.e. meeting women online, or that are already in my sphere of influence, but not an offline stranger for example).

 

[rrrrr]

It seems the openers come to mind after the chick is gone. In the mean time I feel like some stupor come over me whenever the opportunity is there. Then the most 'obvious' opener will come to mind afterwards.

Let's deal with some fears of approach. What is the difference between approaching and stalking behaviour? It's important to distinguish this because this is allot of anti-approach thought is "what if she thinks I'm stalking her".

I know I seem to be posting more advanced threads about kissing and going on dates with women and I cant seem to approach random women. The reason for that discrepency is I'm going with very soft approaches (i.e. meeting women online, or that are already in my sphere of influence, but not an offline stranger for example).

Why would she think you are stalking her??? You are talking to a woman you met the first time. That is never stalking. Stalking is following/watching for prolonged periods of time/trying to pursue someone who has said they have no interest in you/collecting information about her, etc. There is nothing "stalking" a woman you met at some random place for the first time. The way I see it, women enjoy being hit on, especially women that aren't hot. Basically stalking means they have no interest in you but you continue to infatuate over them.