Approach Artist vs. PUA

[Juando]

I've gotten really good at approaching, not necessarily always approaching with no fear but successfully approaching when I make the move.

Yesterday I approached three women and did not number close. I was attracted to all three (separate approaches not a set) for different reasons and was glad I approached, had interesting conversations so there was satisfaction.

Did I want to number close? Yes, definitely with one of them in the past I would have- but I'm feeling insecure. Feeling insecure because my almost 100% success rate number closing is out of whack with follow up- these women don't want to see me when I call, make excuses, too busy, etc.

-The rapport and IL feels good when I approach; good eye contact, no rush to leave on their parts, etc. They seem genuinely interested.

-no resistance at all to giving me their contact info

-I've tried it all different ways, calling after three days, one day, a week, not stuck on any particular "wait time".

-When I call I'm flexible, not desperate; sometimes I call to set up a meeting, sometimes to chat if they seem to need more rapport.

-The end result lately has been the same, low IL, evasion, avoidance.
At first I assumed I was just on a bad streak hitting low IL women but now I'm pulling back to regroup thinking that there's something wrong with my radar in the the women I'm picking and/or I'm doing something to sabotage myself.

In terms of the big picture, I'm still healing from a LTR breakup but I feel like I've given myself enough time- I may not be 100% "over it" but I'm definitely ready to dip my toes in the water again.
I do have a couple of plates spinning but they are not the end-all be-all, it's time for "fresh blood".

Suggestions/advice to get me over this, ahem, hump?

 

[Juando]

went for a swim in the ocean tonight, was approached by a writer struggling with her characters. Told her I enjoyed her, how can we continue the conversation? She was very receptive, and it felt good.

We shall see how the story unfolds...

 

[Juando]

****crickets******

I know I'm not the only one with this issue... nothing to add, you guys?

 

[wjh]

I've recently decided to stop pursuing new girls/cold-approaching so that I can re-group and focus on myself for a while. I have some goals I need to accomplish and I can't do them as effectively if I'm going out all the time. I feel my confidence isn't where it needs to be due to some issues in my life and I want to work on them. If I stop thinking about new cold-approaches, following-up, building rapprt, etc. I can spend that time and energy on myself.

I don't have any advice for you, you've lived twice as long as I have, but I know I'm not so utterly desperate for women's attention that I become a slave to the desire. I have to put it in check for now and get my self centered again.

I have no problems talking to most girls under most situations, but last night I got some approach anxiety over this really stunning girl (I wasn't expecting it). Usually I'm geared up and pumped under most circumstances and cognizant of women and pick up and thus push myself. I wasn't yesterday. And now, this morning, I saw a girl on the train who I held eye contact with but didn't approach. She was also stunning.

 

[Juando]

I've recently decided to stop pursuing new girls/cold-approaching so that I can re-group and focus on myself for a while. I have some goals I need to accomplish and I can't do them as effectively if I'm going out all the time. I feel my confidence isn't where it needs to be due to some issues in my life and I want to work on them. If I stop thinking about new cold-approaches, following-up, building rapprt, etc. I can spend that time and energy on myself.

I don't have any advice for you, you've lived twice as long as I have, but I know I'm not so utterly desperate for women's attention that I become a slave to the desire. I have to put it in check for now and get my self centered again.

I have no problems talking to most girls under most situations, but last night I got some approach anxiety over this really stunning girl (I wasn't expecting it). Usually I'm geared up and pumped under most circumstances and cognizant of women and pick up and thus push myself. I wasn't yesterday. And now, this morning, I saw a girl on the train who I held eye contact with but didn't approach. She was also stunning.

WJH I share a lot of your sentiments. I'm torn because I don't want to be a monk, and though I've made peace at times with focusing on myself, I ultimately don't want to be a recluse, don't want to eliminate from my life one of its great gifts- the ability and opportunity to connect with others physically, emotionally, and intellectually, the opportunity to share ourselves with those we're attracted to.
I posted the encounter with the writer because it's illustrative: You see somebody interesting, attractive, perhaps available to at least be approached. What do you do? Maybe after you got to know them you would be confronted with their heavy baggage... but, but what if they're really cool and could make for an interesting, maybe awesome relationship... and you walked away and will never know... regret?
She and I have exchanged friendly messages, so who knows? But all I had to do was walk my dripping self over to her and the rest was easy, and the irony was that it happened just after I posted my doubts and insecurities about approaching with little to show for it. And maybe she'll be another zero, but what if she does pan out? And even if she doesn't she'll be a step, another step closer to ?????
Do I have time for this? Could my time be better spent? I definitely have more going on in my life so that's a very personal judgment call.

I would like to think that I will always have at least a little time for.... fun and games.

 

[wjh]

Maybe because I'm younger, but personally, the most important thing for me right now is just having a lot of sex (whenever I want it) with very attractive girls.

I'm seeing a girl who, at first, would do little things to hide certain physical things about herself. I won't get into details, she's a good looking girl, but the mystique of what I originally met/saw/discovered has changed and thus I'm not happy/elated with her anymore.

I feel like I was sold a faulty package. Meaning, I thought I was getting something that turned out to be different. I feel let down, but it's purely physical. Right now, the physical/superficial characteristics are very important to me. Luckily for this girl, she makes up for a lot of those things with a great personality and a high degree of femininity. Still, I feel short-changed, so this "relationship" that I'm in feels, to me at least, destined to fail eventually.

I know myself well enough to know that I'll probably branch-swing with this one. I've never done that before. I've never actively pursued other women while in a "relationship" of sorts. Yet, I have to center myself first because I realized that after feeling short-changed with this girl, I did not automatically next her.

I see a lot of girls, and I have approached a lot, even spent time with a few doing different things, some times spontaneously, and have had the chance to sleep with some but don't follow through.

At the end of the day, I know what I want, but don't feel great about myself right now. And truthfully, there are some important things in my life I really do need to change. I feel as if actively approaching/dating/etc. right now with new women will only complicate and distract me from the things I need to do.

So I'm taking a time out. But I definitely see what you're describing with the writer. You're still open to the opportunities the world throws your way (so to speak). Which is fine, and I don't think either of us should be hermits, but I don't want to focus on dating at all right now. If I get something that's too good to pass up, ok, I'll take advantage of it. But I'm too much of an introvert at times. I need to make a conscious decision to shut that part of my brain off so that I can focus on making the other deficiences in my life better.

 

[Juando]

Maybe because I'm younger, but personally, the most important thing for me right now is just having a lot of sex (whenever I want it) with very attractive girls.

I'm seeing a girl who, at first, would do little things to hide certain physical things about herself. I won't get into details, she's a good looking girl, but the mystique of what I originally met/saw/discovered has changed and thus I'm not happy/elated with her anymore.

I feel like I was sold a faulty package. Meaning, I thought I was getting something that turned out to be different. I feel let down, but it's purely physical. Right now, the physical/superficial characteristics are very important to me. Luckily for this girl, she makes up for a lot of those things with a great personality and a high degree of femininity. Still, I feel short-changed, so this "relationship" that I'm in feels, to me at least, destined to fail eventually.

I know myself well enough to know that I'll probably branch-swing with this one. I've never done that before. I've never actively pursued other women while in a "relationship" of sorts. Yet, I have to center myself first because I realized that after feeling short-changed with this girl, I did not automatically next her.

I see a lot of girls, and I have approached a lot, even spent time with a few doing different things, some times spontaneously, and have had the chance to sleep with some but don't follow through.

At the end of the day, I know what I want, but don't feel great about myself right now. And truthfully, there are some important things in my life I really do need to change. I feel as if actively approaching/dating/etc. right now with new women will only complicate and distract me from the things I need to do.

So I'm taking a time out. But I definitely see what you're describing with the writer. You're still open to the opportunities the world throws your way (so to speak). Which is fine, and I don't think either of us should be hermits, but I don't want to focus on dating at all right now. If I get something that's too good to pass up, ok, I'll take advantage of it. But I'm too much of an introvert at times. I need to make a conscious decision to shut that part of my brain off so that I can focus on making the other deficiences in my life better.

Sounds like you are in a good place, man. I wish you well.

I think the world has a way of throwing us what we need, especially when we are in a good place about ourselves.