approach anxiety suuuuucks!!!!!

[iondiscover]

this girl saw me out last summer acting like an alpha male and being funny(i was drunk of course) and commented to a mutual friend about me. i wuld see her at work from time to time and she would inititate a hello and or smile. started being interested in her lately. in the last month ive initiated conversation with her about three times. today at work talked to her during a couple breaks. later in the day we wer in the same area of our building i was about to approach her for a number close....my heart starts pounding,throat gets dry, and i totally choke. didnt approach her. i was worried my nervousness wuld be visible to her and i wuld do more harm than good. i know 20 chix that like me that im not interested in and i am totally calm relaxed and witty around them. the second i care about the outcome with a girl i turn into a fn afc. so why i am i bothering you fine gents with this? im looking for encouragement,ideas,support,advice,etc......thx in advance. -steve

 

[NoCommitments]

I fight AA everyday bro..I'm a total dj with women but the approach is a thorn in my side

There's a couple pointers I can give you:
First: never EVER think about the approach!!! As soon as u see her, go to her. Don't wait 5 10 seconds. That will drive u nuts & ur logical brain will take over.

Second: try, even though its hard, to picture her being one of the 20+ chix that u don't care about. In other words don't concentrate on gaming her so much. Just be cool, fun & jovial like, if she walked away who cares. That's what I've done & it works like a charm. Girls can sense anxiety

Third: Make sure the interaction is light, nuthin too heavy. & relax, who cares right? This is all fun man!

Get urself pumped before u thnk u might see her. This keeps the adrenaline flowin & ur heart doesn't start racing all of a sudden.
Another thing I do before approaches is get on the phone with another chick that's into me or a hyper, supportive friend. That boosts my confidence thru the roof

Go for it & let me know how it went down

 

[iondiscover]

awesome reply.especially second pointer.

 

[Groovy]

If you know that you're gonna be anxious when you approach a girl, why do it? It will make you feel bad. I say don't do it, save yourself! Excitement is a different thing, tho.

I think that approach anxiety many times is physical, and that is largely ignored IMO... Of course it can also be mental, but many times it's both. So don't forget to exercise and sleep well and a balanced diet... Also, you may wanna stop masturbating for now... (recommended read: semenloss.info) Approach anxiety is a PROBLEM, you must do EVERYTHING in your power to overcome it!

People say you must face your fears to overcome them. Sure, but does it apply to AA? If the problem's physical, I doubt it. Perhaps ignoring it will make it go away, so the longer you spend not feeling that approach anxiety, the better it will be for you.

Anyways if the benefits outweigh the not so good parts then I'd say go. If you know that the girl is gonna be friendly to you and you're gonna have fun, GO. If you are going to feel better after approaching then you felt before- GO FOR IT.

But sometimes it's the best decision to not go at all!

BTW, you care what she thinks- that is understandable to a certain point. You don't care in the way like: "oohh, she will like me, I'm gonna feel so good with myself now that I am validated as a cool son of a gun". That is, well... let's not even go there. If you care in the way like: "It'd be so cool if this chick digged me, I'd maybe bang her later on and we have so much fun together, of course I like her and it's gonna be great if she is into me too." then what is wrong with that? Of course, if she doesn't there are always more girls, bla bla bla, and don't seek approval of yourself... Hope I made myself clear.

Good luck to you AA "sucks" hehe but that doesn't mean that the solutions aren't simple... It may take time, sure, some time... But I'd say there are more difficult things out there then mastering AA! : D You seem to have an advantage on your side, btw: You spin plates. That's a great start man. Plus you come to this site and ask for advice. Keep it up...

 

[iondiscover]

Excellent point on seeking validation. Validation really has no value. I should b seeking her vagina not her approval. The desire for validation is an evolutionary thing.

 

[Gray The Prince]

Read DJ Bible and remember, rejection is always better than regret oh and join in the Approach Anxiety competition.

 

[Soyoushave]

1 word: propranolol

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I definitely have approach anxiety in cold-approaches situations. But in a case like yours, where you already know the girl, there's no need to worry. You already know each other on some level. And it's not like you're flat out asking her for a date. You just want a number.

All you had to do was start a conversation with her like you've done before. Then you talk about your social life.

You: Do you know John? I saw him at a party last week.
Her: Yeah I know him. What party?
You: Blah blah blah. It was a lot of fun. You would have liked it. I'll let you know next time something fun is going on. What's your number?

Now you have her number. No pressure. No clever pickup lines or corny flirting. It's just "hey, I'm a fun guy. If you like to have fun, you should give me your digits."

Your anxiety probably came from you thinking "If I ask her for the number, she'll totally think I like her, and I want a date, and I want to bang her!"

I've been there before. Just relax and realize that a number is just a number. Especially in a situation like this where the girl is already a part of your social circle.