Mind_Body_Soul
Senior Don Juan
This topic has been addressed on this site ad-nauseum, but I wanted to share a few of my thoughts about it that I'm only recently coming to realize.
This country (USA) has fostered a nation of insecure people. We are encouraged to isolate ourselves in front of computer screens, televisions, video games, etc. We do things with people, but are essentially isolated. We go to the movies and stare at the screen. We watch TV and stare at the screen.
At our most social - we are still antisocial. This is a problem. We aren't learning how to relate with others. We are becoming shy, weak, little creatures. (I will not use the term introvert because this is not the same thing).
I am the perfect example of this problem. As a child, I spent all of my time in front of video games. Aside from gaining weight and becoming a chubby adolescent, I was not learning any social skills. Granted, I had friends that I would hang out with, but I did not feel comfortable in social situations.
As I became a teenager, the problem only got worse. I spent more time on the Internet, video games still. I did not feel comfortable meeting new people, talking to women, etc.
This became a problem for me with women. For the longest time I had no idea how to conquer it. I would study tips on approaching, how to talk to women, pick up lines, how to calm down, 3 second rules, etc. all of these things in the hope that I would somehow become better at approaching and talking to women. I knew (from experience) that I could escalate attraction as soon as I had initiated communication with a woman, the only issue was that initial hurdle.
I have improved in this aspect of my life, and I wanted to share a bit of what my problem was.
First of all - I was focusing entirely on approaching women. And more specifically, women that I was sexually attracted to. I wasn't thinking about approaching old women, ugly women, handicapped women, and I certainly wasn't thinking about approaching men (not in a gay way you pervs).
What is wrong with that?
The problem is, I wasn't addressing the inner problem -> I WAS NOT A SOCIAL CREATURE or rather, since human beings are biologically social creatures, I wasn't BEING SOCIAL. I was not acting the way human beings should act.
I realized all of this when reading a post on here about being social. I realized that I just wasn't social at all. At this point I could approach women, but I still felt fear, I just pushed through it.
In the past few months, I have been talking to everyone. If I want to know something about someone, their job, what they're doing, or if I have a comment to make on the weather, the local news, celebrities, etc. I just say it. I don't care who the person is. It could be an old lady at the grocery store, a teenage dude at the gas station, whatever. It doesn't matter. The point is WE NEED TO START BEING MORE SOCIAL to get over this whole concept of approach anxiety.
This morning it all solidified in my head. I realized that what I was doing was working. I walked into the gym as I do every morning and there was this HB8 that I used to watch in the gym but never said anything to. WITHOUT EVEN THINKING, I said hi to her the second I saw her. I didn't even think about it. I didn't think, oh hot girl should I approach? I didn't have a second of hesitation. I just said hi and smiled.
How can you use this to your advantage?
If you struggle with approach anxiety, it's very easy to overcome. Really. And it doesn't even involve talking to women initially. Go out and start talking to EVERYONE. It doesn't matter where or when or who or about what. Don't try to think about something clever to say. Just talk about whatever. Talk about Britneys' new doo or the weather or which brand of peanut butter to buy.
As you start to see people responding to you, you are going to be overcoming several hurdles. You are going to realize that people will NOT reject you. People will accept who you are. You are becoming more social with EVERYONE which is going to help you when you go to a bar scene in obtaining social proof. Women are going to notice that you are a social creature and may even come up and talk to you without you doing any work. Your conversation skills are going to improve. There are so many benefits from doing this and you don't even have to talk to a single HB.
Give it a shot and I assure you, you will improve.
This country (USA) has fostered a nation of insecure people. We are encouraged to isolate ourselves in front of computer screens, televisions, video games, etc. We do things with people, but are essentially isolated. We go to the movies and stare at the screen. We watch TV and stare at the screen.
At our most social - we are still antisocial. This is a problem. We aren't learning how to relate with others. We are becoming shy, weak, little creatures. (I will not use the term introvert because this is not the same thing).
I am the perfect example of this problem. As a child, I spent all of my time in front of video games. Aside from gaining weight and becoming a chubby adolescent, I was not learning any social skills. Granted, I had friends that I would hang out with, but I did not feel comfortable in social situations.
As I became a teenager, the problem only got worse. I spent more time on the Internet, video games still. I did not feel comfortable meeting new people, talking to women, etc.
This became a problem for me with women. For the longest time I had no idea how to conquer it. I would study tips on approaching, how to talk to women, pick up lines, how to calm down, 3 second rules, etc. all of these things in the hope that I would somehow become better at approaching and talking to women. I knew (from experience) that I could escalate attraction as soon as I had initiated communication with a woman, the only issue was that initial hurdle.
I have improved in this aspect of my life, and I wanted to share a bit of what my problem was.
First of all - I was focusing entirely on approaching women. And more specifically, women that I was sexually attracted to. I wasn't thinking about approaching old women, ugly women, handicapped women, and I certainly wasn't thinking about approaching men (not in a gay way you pervs).
What is wrong with that?
The problem is, I wasn't addressing the inner problem -> I WAS NOT A SOCIAL CREATURE or rather, since human beings are biologically social creatures, I wasn't BEING SOCIAL. I was not acting the way human beings should act.
I realized all of this when reading a post on here about being social. I realized that I just wasn't social at all. At this point I could approach women, but I still felt fear, I just pushed through it.
In the past few months, I have been talking to everyone. If I want to know something about someone, their job, what they're doing, or if I have a comment to make on the weather, the local news, celebrities, etc. I just say it. I don't care who the person is. It could be an old lady at the grocery store, a teenage dude at the gas station, whatever. It doesn't matter. The point is WE NEED TO START BEING MORE SOCIAL to get over this whole concept of approach anxiety.
This morning it all solidified in my head. I realized that what I was doing was working. I walked into the gym as I do every morning and there was this HB8 that I used to watch in the gym but never said anything to. WITHOUT EVEN THINKING, I said hi to her the second I saw her. I didn't even think about it. I didn't think, oh hot girl should I approach? I didn't have a second of hesitation. I just said hi and smiled.
How can you use this to your advantage?
If you struggle with approach anxiety, it's very easy to overcome. Really. And it doesn't even involve talking to women initially. Go out and start talking to EVERYONE. It doesn't matter where or when or who or about what. Don't try to think about something clever to say. Just talk about whatever. Talk about Britneys' new doo or the weather or which brand of peanut butter to buy.
As you start to see people responding to you, you are going to be overcoming several hurdles. You are going to realize that people will NOT reject you. People will accept who you are. You are becoming more social with EVERYONE which is going to help you when you go to a bar scene in obtaining social proof. Women are going to notice that you are a social creature and may even come up and talk to you without you doing any work. Your conversation skills are going to improve. There are so many benefits from doing this and you don't even have to talk to a single HB.
Give it a shot and I assure you, you will improve.