Approach Anxiety - How do you deal with it?

[I'm in the Mood]

Hey guys. Sometimes, like many guys out there, I have approach anxiety and trick my mind into thinking I have nothing to say.

This is very troublesome because if there's a cute girl in one of my classes or in the halls that I want to talk to, I'm stuck with believing that I don't know what to say. And I'm definitely not bad at having conversations.

I know the "Hey, what's your name" thing is a little strange if you're trying to set the frame for attraction, but I'm going to try this out eventually and have her guess mine to set a spark by being challenging and mysterious.

Well other than that, I only have "Hey, how are you?" in my arsenal of openers. The problem with this is that if I have nothing on my mind, I can't transition. I could try some opinion openers, but it has to be sincere for me to pull it off. I hate trying this canned stuff if I'm not incredibly excited about it.

So I really have 2 questions here:
1. How do you guys deal with approach anxiety?
2. How do you guys prepare to open and transition into rapport?

 

[BongDuy]

I believe there are two ways to deal with Approach Anxiety. It's also the same concept most people deal with their fears.

1) Desensitization - AKA baby steps. What you do is you do small things every day and build up to a point where you can confidently just get used to talking to strangers.
2) Flooding - AKA Sink or swim. You jump in and get it over with. much faster and what most people do.

So for example, if you're taking the baby steps you can one day make eye contact, and smile. if she returns the favor, its no longer much of a cold approach, its more of a "warm" approach. jump into a conversation

If you want to talk to her fast, grab your balls and just walk up/ sit next to her and start talking. If there is a cute girl in one of your classes, you could just spark a conversation about the class itself. for example : After a teacher gives a lesson, or assigns work " hey, do you understand what we're doing?" then start talking. Introduce yourself and let the convo flow.

I'm not a big fan of PUA stuff about transitioning from opinion opener or anything anymore. just from my past experience, it's ended up screwing me over more than a lot of other stuff.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Man I don't really like that example you used, it's too typical and it's almost like a DLV, but I used to use that one haha

It happened with my oneitis today, I couldn't even say hey.
It's weird because I asked her out last friday and I was able to say hello on monday...I think she made me jealous by talking to the person sitting next to me and that amped up my approach anxiety.

Today sucked as far as game-wise and not much happened, but hey I got some juicy secrets to try out.

I think frame of conversation is more important though.
"Hey how are you doing?" is friendly (not attractive though unless you have a good transition or it's cold.)

I'm trying to get the social interactions flowing, I'll get it though, I dunno what happened today honestly.
I was probably thinking too much as usual.

Thank you for your response.

 

[56andre]

I got an answer for both of your questions

1) Who gives a $hit

2) Who gibes a $hit

Just go up to her, you don’t even have to say $hit, just look at her, it doesn’t matter!!!

Just say whatever comes to your head, "do you like apples?", this will probably work better than, "hi what’s your name", because it's totally unexpected and will through her of her guard and will make you different.

This is what will happen if you do this:

She sees you approaching her:

Girl: Oh, he's going to say hi or hi what’s your name, or any of thoughs common social fixed openers.
You: Do you like apples?
Girl: WTF

Point is it doesn’t fvck'n matter.

If she likes you, then she likes you

If she doesn’t like you, then she doesn’t like you

If she likes you, then you fvck her

If she doesn’t, then she can fvck herself

Point is, it doesn’t fvck'n matter

You should have such a strong idea of yourself that it wont fvck'n matter!

 

[56andre]

Use the apple thing & get back on the form & let us know how it went!!!

 

[Igetit!]

I got an answer for both of your questions

1) Who gives a $hit

2) Who gibes a $hit

Just go up to her, you don’t even have to say $hit, just look at her, it doesn’t matter!!!

Just say whatever comes to your head, "do you like apples?", this will probably work better than, "hi what’s your name", because it's totally unexpected and will through her of her guard and will make you different.

This is what will happen if you do this:

She sees you approaching her:

Girl: Oh, he's going to say hi or hi what’s your name, or any of thoughs common social fixed openers.
You: Do you like apples?
Girl: WTF

Point is it doesn’t fvck'n matter.

If she likes you, then she likes you

If she doesn’t like you, then she doesn’t like you

If she likes you, then you fvck her

If she doesn’t, then she can fvck herself

Point is, it doesn’t fvck'n matter

You should have such a strong idea of yourself that it wont fvck'n matter!

I like this dude.


He tells it like it is.


+1 rep.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Haha I'll try that.
My advisor has apples

That doesn't exactly help though because it's hard to be creative when you're under anxiety. There must be some kind of switch that you can set for yourself to chill out when you're in the moment.

You're absolutely right about the random apples question though. I can just imagine her reaction haha.

 

[56andre]

You're absolutely right about the random apples question though. I can just imagine her reaction haha.

Who gives a $hit

I only put the apple thing in because that's the first thing that came into my head when I was posting the reply.

If you have a walkman or something, give her the ear piece and say, "listen to this".

Doesn’t fvck'n matter!!!!

 

[56andre]

That doesn't exactly help though because it's hard to be creative when you're under anxiety.

Why are you under anxiety???

Is it because you're worried about what others think???

There must be some kind of switch that you can set for yourself to chill out when you're in the moment.

Yea, there is!!!

Who gives a $hit!!!