"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Apophis, Friday April 13 2029 4:36 greenwhich time

backseatjuan

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It will circle the moon and come down towards Earth at 45,000 kilometers per hour. Possible impact area include east eurasia, pasific ocean, north america, atlantic ocean. An impact would wipe out whole continent. Debreath will fall down to earth for an hour.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBu_XLY0DWc

Scientists devide into two categories, those who think it will hit, and those who think it will go by, the latter agree if it will go by it will hit us on next orbit in around 150 years.

Russia planned to launch gravity tractor towards it in 2020 to study its structure.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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