Apologising

[Some Call Me Tim]

I wanted to put this to you guys. Is apologising ever the right thing to do? My alpha male instinct says that apologising when you are actually in the wrong is an admirable thing to do, and makes people respect you. That being 'man' enough to apologise when wrong is a good thing. Obviously, you apologise once, and you move on, assuming that you've done something worthy of an apology.

However, I've seen a number of experienced DJs insisting that a DJ never apologises, ever.

I can't assume there is a cast iron rule around this, but what do you all think?

 

[SamTheHobit]

Alpha means being who you want to be, say what you want,love who you want and apologize without needing to ask permission.

 

[Diaforetikos]

What Sam said. Never ever apologizing is conceded.

 

[Jariel]

My alpha male instinct says that apologising when you are actually in the wrong is an admirable thing to do, and makes people respect you.

Yes, absolutely. Just don't keep apologising and don't let anyone guilt trip you for it. And only apologise if it's something worth apologising for, if you've genuinely hurt somebody or wronged them, not for trivial crap.

 

[Strelok]

Most of the time someone "expect" your apologies is nothing about apologies but an evaluation to see if they can bender you or not.
It's a power struggle,nothign different from parents-kids conflict.

If you hurt someone close to you and you're wrong there's nothing wrong in it,but if you spoke the truth and the fat girl or the imcompetant man is angry at you do not fall on the shaming tactics.

"real men never hurt someones feelings" is a line you hear everytime some idiot does something he/she should not and you dare to point his/her mistake.

 

[DonJuanit0]

We are all human beings, non of us is always right! Apologizing for doing/saying something wrong is absolutely normal! I can't even think a reason for not apologizing! I did something wrong I apologize! For example, you broke your moms vase, when you were young you would propably try to hide it and say that wind did it, it wasn't you! When you grow up and start being a "man" you have to take responsibilities for your actions! You f*cked up? you accept the guilt and apologize!

 

[Atom Smasher]

Here's the deal...

Apologizing excessively can SEVERELY weaken your position.

A man needs to understand that apologizing should be saved for very rare occasions, when he really screws up. Normally, for a small mishap, an apology isn't necessary. In lieu of an apology, a man should very casually say, "Oh, I should have blah blah". If appropriate, you can even add, "From now on I'm going to blah blah." This shows a manly PROACTIVE understanding of your mistake without lowering yourself unecessarily.

This way, she sees that you understand that you should have taken a different course of action but that you're not fazed by it. You retain a powerful frame. It must be said casually and matter-of-factly.

Now if you really do hurt her and an apology is in order, it's critically important to apologize ONE TIME ONLY. Don't keep doing it and don't say anything self-effacing. For example, don't say "What a bone-head I am".

Don't do that! The phrase "bone-head" is the ONE THING that will forever remain in her memory bank. Of course, plug in whatever self-effacing name you might tend to use into my example. Instead, make your apology, and you can make it very thoroughly and sincerely, and then drop it. Do not do it twice. If she keeps on harping on the transgression, I have found it useful to say, "When I told you I was sorry, do you think I really meant it? Of course I did. Now let's move on."

That's what has worked well for me. Use them very sparingly.

 

[Cherokee]

If you've done something genuinely wrong, then apologise.

Don't ever apologise for who you are.

e.g. if she says "Omg what's with your stubble??"

Don't be like

"Oh... you don't like it?...sorry, I'll shave it off

 

[sinnerman]

I wanted to put this to you guys. Is apologising ever the right thing to do? My alpha male instinct says that apologising when you are actually in the wrong is an admirable thing to do, and makes people respect you. That being 'man' enough to apologise when wrong is a good thing. Obviously, you apologise once, and you move on, assuming that you've done something worthy of an apology.

However, I've seen a number of experienced DJs insisting that a DJ never apologises, ever.

I can't assume there is a cast iron rule around this, but what do you all think?

as atom smasher said apologizing weakens your position.
Never apologize unless you've done something extraordinarily wrong.
Saying sorry for trivial things sends the signal that you care so much about the normalcy in your relationship that you'll put your ego and self respect aside and take a bow for maintaining the normalcy. that in other words translates as neediness.

Ive done this mistake.I used to apologise and make my ex up for every quarrel we used to have..with enough persistence it used to work also however those tactical victories cost me strategic defeat as she started getting offended over all sorts of things real and perceived while her whimsical behaviour carried no apologies or even when she'd apologize she'd not stop doing things which I didnt like. When I'd call on her double standards instead of apologizing she'd get offended about me calling on her and again I'd apologize and it became a sort of pattern.

So use apologies very very sparingly like a trump card. And NEVER EVER give in to threats such as ''if you do this or dont do this its over between us'' 99% of the times its a bluff and you should call that bluff.