Anyone here not have any affection/love through life?

[sharpshooter]

I'm talking about never getting any direct type of affection from anyone in their life. I'm 21, and I can openly say that in my family, no one has ever hugged each other or anything of that nature. Not even once. Family wise I grew up in a cold type of environment, love was taken for granted, and it wasn't ever expressed in any other way (other than just having my family around? i don't know)

Now I have a ton of friends, i'm a really open and outgoing guy, but affection wise i've lacked so much that I don't even know how it would be to "love" somebody. I used to wake up everyday hugging my god damned pillow, thank god those days are over, but they still creep up on me sometimes. I sometimes say things to people that hurt them, but I don't really know that I do until it's too late.

Even though i'm outgoing as hell, social, have tons of friends, i'm pretty good with the ladies, I can't STAND seeing couples out in public (especially if they're holding hands). It just sometimes makes me so angry, because i've always lacked that love/affection in my life. I shove it all inside.

I know i'm heading for the better of it though, I can feel it, but once in a while I just have these types of days.

 

[sharpshooter]

damn, it won't let me delete the double post, sorry about this first reply

 

[Crank_It_Up]

my wife grew up in an orphanage where there was no love and lots of abuse... to this day she doesn't like holding hands, kissing, or cuddling, but sex is another story.

 

[Adrian]

I know how you feel Sharpshooter. I'm exactly the same way as you.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

I think I want a relationship now, I feel I am in a position where it would be good for me.

 

[Trickster_guy_2001]

I hope you aren't making out with the pillow... heh

Actually, I have no real female friends to speak of, and my family isn't big on hugs. Being 24 years old, it's fine. Sure it'd be nice to have a girlfriend to get all huggy with, but for right now, I can't do that.

And I'm not interested in dudes, and am not the least bit interested in hugging a guy. I'm savin my touchy feely sensitive stuff for a great woman.

I just focus on other things. And depending on what it is...that's fine. At the moment I'm more concerned with getting better (I've had a flu and eye infection all week), and will be waiting on socializing until I feel and look great. This also might help my ******d appearance of self confidence. Getting to go out does wonders if you've been couped up in a house for a week or longer.

Once in a while I'll get mopey about being single, but really at this point, women can be more of a hassle than it's worth. I'm not where I want to be at the moment. So... I can hold off for a little while.

That's the only suggestion I can give you. Keep working your mojo. lol. And don't force any relationship just because you're desperate for lovin'. focus on other stuff like self improvement, etc.

I'm going to use a great quote form the movie Bruce Almighty: "Since when do people know what they really want anyway?" You may think you're ready, but you could just not be quite there yet.

anyhow good luck.

 

[516]

I am the same way as you, Sharpshooter. It was just assumed that everyone loved everyone in the family, and so love was not expressed in any way. I'm 21 and still havent really experienced or partaken in any real show of love or affection. I have recieved 6 hugs since elementary school. All within the past year; 3 from girls at work, during work, 1 from some other girl that I was never interested in, and 2 hugs from a great girl that I have always liked and we see eachother occaisionally. But yeah, I feel the same way as you, Sharp. But things are changing slowly for me and I think soon things might work out.

 

[sharpshooter]

wow, it feels good to know that there are some people in the same boat as me

yea, whenever i've cuddled with a girl i've always thought of it as something sexual, same with hugging. Cuz i was never hugged, or cuddled, or anything as a child. My personality would suggest otherwise because i'm a really outgoing/fun guy to be around and i love social situations. So in that sense it's weird, isn't it.

 

[516]

Yeah I'm really outgoing and fun also. I wonder how I will react when things start happening. I hope everything just comes naturally and smoothly. First hug it was a little awkward...she initiated it and I was like wtf I dont know how to hug people lol.

 

[duke007]

Me too. Nobody hugs or shows affection in this family. It's got to a point where it would be weird if something happened.

Before I came to this site, I was always tentative when greeting a girl I know (do I hug or what?). I saw other guys do it all the time with a kiss on the cheek but to me it was strange.

I definitely have lacked that affection but I'm mostly fine with it. Never hugged my pillow!

I know what you mean about the couples though. Some days when I'm in a bad mood for whatever reason or have been rejected, I see couples everywhere. The "Couple Days" piss me off a bit because that's all I see whenever I turn my head as if I'm being mocked. Then I realise that I'm thinking like an AFC and snap out of it.

And like sharpshooter says, it's strange because I'm a social person and don't appear cold-hearted or emotionless

 

[Zircon]

Hey, yep, you're in the same boat as I suspect a lot of people are on this board.

In some way you have been rejected by one or both your parents. This doesn't mean they have to openly say "I don't like you loser", it just means that you subconsciously or otherwise INTERPRETED it as such. In your mind you have been rejected. Now you don't feel worthy of any affection from anyone. I mean, think about it, if you feel on some level that your parents couldn't accept you, how can you expect a stranger to accept you?

So what's the solution to all of this? I don't know, really. As far as I can see, it's about reaching the balance between your wants and needs, which are obviously quite strong. Maybe it's not a bad idea for you to go and talk to someboady about it - if you only talk to yourself you tend to go in circles, whereas with a professional they can point you in teh right direction and let you discover som ethings for yourself.

I speak from experience - this is one of the most painful things to go through...you feel you need something, yet you cannot allow yourself to have it.

 

[sharpshooter]

yeah. I actually call my grandmother "mom" and my grandfather "dad"

that's just how I grew up.. haha

 

[bobby87]

i can totally relate with most of you. i never got hugged as a kid by my parents, there wasnt much love at all. i remember during the start of high school when gals were going around giving hugs and **** i was like what the fuk, ive never been hugged before, it just hit me like that. ive now gotten used to it with the more gals ive been out with but it was definitly weird at the start

 

[Maxtro]

I’m in a somewhat similar boat as the other guys here. The major difference is that I was blessed to be brought up in a very affectionate family. So there is no shortage of love.

But outside of my family I have been hugged by four girls my whole life. The first time happened in 6th grade by a mulatto girl, who then asked if I was hard The other two girls were twins that my brother and I grew up with. The last girl I hugged was before I drove home after having sex with her last week. That averages at about one hug from a girl about every 3 years. The only girl I've ever kissed or been kissed by was my step-cousin, on a dare and that was on the cheak.

So 22 years and that’s the extent of me getting affection from girls in my life. No wonder I’ve turned out to be so confident and smooth with women

 

[plaqueman]

I grew up the same exact way, my dad was a military guy and ever since i was able to walk i had to adhere to strict rules and guidelines. I never really saw my parents hug or kiss or be affectionate, and i remember my dad always telling me that friends are bull**** all that matters is family. I grew up extremely cold and sometimes came off as cruel, to this day its hard for me to express any type of emotion except anger " Thats all that our family did was argue" At 23 i am finally learning what it means to be a true friend, which is treat others as you would like to be treated. Same goes for females when i dated the affection would usually be all on the part of the female, i wouldnt show any in public, this is another aspect of my life i am trying to improve on... people are starting to say i have an awesome personality..... which is better than being called an ******* or jerky like i was 3 years ago/

 

[duke007]

And kino is difficult to learn for guys like us.

At first I felt like a weirdo sleaze, as if I was acting really sexual jsut with an arm touch.

And also, getting my hair washed at the hairdresser always used to give me a semi . I still like it now....but that was the closest I'd ever got to affectionate touching at that stage.

 

[sharpshooter]

Originally posted by duke007
And kino is difficult to learn for guys like us.

At first I felt like a weirdo sleaze, as if I was acting really sexual jsut with an arm touch.

And also, getting my hair washed at the hairdresser always used to give me a semi . I still like it now....but that was the closest I'd ever got to affectionate touching at that stage.

yeah man, it took me a long time to finally feel somewhat comfortable with kino