Anyone go back to gf after long nc?

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#1
I dated a girl for a year and she broke it off very coldly and abruptly.

Hurt and pissed, I deleted all her contact info, threw out everything I had of hers and that she gave me. I was pretty torn up. Six months later, she sent me a text with a cutesy inside joke message. I was just starting to get on with my life and forget her. I did not respond to her message and nothing more came from her.

Now six months more have passed, I have dated a lot, but still miss and want her. Its not killing me, but what would you do from here? Drop it? Reach out? I'm kind of lost and stuck...
 
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#3
Yeah, thats what I tell myself over and over again... Never been so stuck on one before.
 

jophil28

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#4
PokerInTheRear said:
Never been so stuck on one before.
Precipitous rejection can do that to ya.

Time, and more dates with good quality women will help the healing.

Avoid the shanks and bar girls. Somehow they can depress you even further when the sun comes up and they are talking about going out for breakfast and then she wants to spend the day together.
 

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Demodulate

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#6
if you broke up once, you will break up again..

just think how much progress you have made since last year, and how devastating it would be to reach out only to be rejected again..

they all come back at some point, but its usually for selfish reasons..

I know your thinking how special this one girl is.. but she really isn't..
 

Scaramouche

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#7
Dear Poker,
I have done it on two occasions,never worked for me and in general it was not worth the effort....Just move on.
 
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#9
Forget her and move on. I speak from experience here....going back will only result in more pain and suffering when the inevitable happens again. Think about how badly you hurt the first time and how far you've come since then. Do you really want to start the vicious cycle over again?
 
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Howiestern

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#11
I've done it twice and it failed both times.

Look at it as an experiment in gaining knowledge on the in's and out's of women.

You should try it just to learn what it feels like. All of those bad signs you saw in the end the first time will come to light again. It will probably reiterate that women are on ego trips and full of ****. If you do go that route try your best to protect your heart. It will still sting a little when it comes undone........again.
 

Kailex

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#12
Think of it this way:

If YOU would have dumped HER instead, would you want to get back with her?

VERY, VERY doubtful.
But women don't think like men do. I'd say a LOT of us that dump a woman would be hard pressed to go back unless we were completely out of options... and guess what, she probably is completely out of options.

Don't do it.
Save yourself the trouble and the time and the effort.

Have you ever seen a classroom chalkboard after a professor has written and erased on it many, many times? The chalk residue builds up and after a while, it's hard to read? Everytime you erase the board and write on it again, it's not as pristine as a perfectly new chalkboard being written on the very first time.

Get yourself a new, clean chalkboard.
 

AMDG

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#13
PokerInTheRear said:
Six months later, she sent me a text with a cutesy inside joke message.
Mine was with 32 hearts made of flowers - I didn't bother to reply.
 

jophil28

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#14
I think of it this way -
Imagine that you had a motor vehicle that started to break down and was generally unreliable and became a pain to own and maintain. It started to cost you more money, time and irritation than it was worth.
So you trade it in for a newer model.

WE have all done that, perhaps a few times, right?

SO how many of you have tracked down that old clunker a few months later and bought it back home again?
 

jophil28

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#15
PokerInTheRear said:
I dated a girl for a year and she broke it off very coldly and abruptly.
Now six months more have passed, I have dated a lot, but still miss and want her. ...
Human nature is like that .
Your feelings of longing and yearning for someone who was an 'investment' are quite understandable. Acting on them by contacting her is certainly not in your best interests. If she has dumped you once she will most likely do it again after she got what she wanted. She contacted you because she was lonely and you were her best bet to get a 'supply' of attention. You were "sure thing guy" ,or so she thought until you did not reply.

The hardest thing to accept sometimes is that your 'feelings' may never be entirely resolved and there may always be a lingering desire inside you to see her again and sleep with her one more time.

LIfe is not cut and dried and neat .Often we have to learn to live with unfinished business or untidiness in our emotional life. "Closure" is a comforting myth and a hoax, mostly.

However there is a very good chance that your 'feelings' for her will subside into the background when you meet someone who attracts you as much, or more than your ex did.

In the meantime, live your life like the resilient man that you are . That is your mission.

Carry on, soldier.
 
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#16
jophil28 said:
Human nature is like that .
Your feelings of longing and yearning for someone who was an 'investment' are quite understandable. Acting on them by contacting her is certainly not in your best interests. If she has dumped you once she will most likely do it again after she got what she wanted. She contacted you because she was lonely and you were her best bet to get a 'supply' of attention. You were "sure thing guy" ,or so she thought until you did not reply.

The hardest thing to accept sometimes is that your 'feelings' may never be entirely resolved and there may always be a lingering desire inside you to see her again and sleep with her one more time.

LIfe is not cut and dried and neat .Often we have to learn to live with unfinished business or untidiness in our emotional life. "Closure" is a comforting myth and a hoax, mostly.

However there is a very good chance that your 'feelings' for her will subside into the background when you meet someone who attracts you as much, or more than your ex did.

In the meantime, live your life like the resilient man that you are . That is your mission.

Carry on, soldier.
Very true... I've come to understand the answer(s) to my 'why' question will never come. There is nothing she can say to make me understand it. I think I've known that from the start and it's part of the reason I never responded to her contact.

The hurt is my fault entirely... I threw my pearls before swine.
 

Buddha_Mind

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#17
jophil28 said:
Human nature is like that .
Your feelings of longing and yearning for someone who was an 'investment' are quite understandable. Acting on them by contacting her is certainly not in your best interests. If she has dumped you once she will most likely do it again after she got what she wanted. She contacted you because she was lonely and you were her best bet to get a 'supply' of attention. You were "sure thing guy" ,or so she thought until you did not reply.

The hardest thing to accept sometimes is that your 'feelings' may never be entirely resolved and there may always be a lingering desire inside you to see her again and sleep with her one more time.

LIfe is not cut and dried and neat .Often we have to learn to live with unfinished business or untidiness in our emotional life. "Closure" is a comforting myth and a hoax, mostly.

However there is a very good chance that your 'feelings' for her will subside into the background when you meet someone who attracts you as much, or more than your ex did.

In the meantime, live your life like the resilient man that you are . That is your mission.

Carry on, soldier.
This was one of the greater responses I've seen on this forum -- so spot on. I struggle too with unresolved emotion, it is difficult when we do not have a nice neat fitting "cap" for emotional issues we've experienced or suffered from.

This can relate to things well beyond women, but anything in life that is emotionally intense and upwelling.

But also keep in mind in life to move forwards sometimes we've got to work to establish new good things rather than re-work and re-organize the negative experiences.

A lot of life is what we choose to focus on.
 

Buddha_Mind

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#18
PokerInTheRear said:
The hurt is my fault entirely... I threw my pearls before swine.
No man the hurt is not your fault entirely. You both were involved together and she ended it, whether or not where fingers are pointed, the pain you experience is not a direct result of only your actions.

You learn from it and move forwards and you almost must know that a greater level of happiness and relationship is possible than from what you've experienced from this person.

You've just got to focus on moving your life in the right direction.
 
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