CasanovaFrankenstein
Don Juan
- Joined
- May 19, 2007
- Messages
- 80
- Reaction score
- 5
I highly recommend this book, because it deals with why when people have dreadful experiences, some become bitter and give up and for others it makes them stronger and more capable than ever before. The author spent decades studying POW's, holocaust survivors, suvivors of abuse, natural disasters, rape, parents of murdered children, anyone who has not only gone through a catastrophic life experience but who do not carry emotional and mental scars as a result of these experiences.
Siebert says that he found several things that people in each group (those who thrived and those who were left emotionally crippled by their experiences) had in common. One of the major ideas I got out of the book was what the author calls "the good child handicap". A person with this affliction is someone who has gone through life passively being told what to do, and especially what NOT to do. "Bad kids do this, bad kids do that, don't you be a bad kid." People who have trouble shrugging off major disappointments and crises in life also have very rigid ideas as far as "I'm supposed to be like this, other people are supposed to be like that, life is supposed to be like this." Then when these folks get into situations where things aren't the way they're "supposed" to be, they're lost.
Survivors on the other hand, have the flexibility to deal with each situation as it comes. They learn through trial and error what works for them, not from what they've passively learned from others. Survivors don't lose that sense of playful curiosity they had as kids, because playing (for humans and in nature) is how we learn. Siebert uses the example of a baby knocking its food on the floor, which her parents then clean up and bring her more food. He says this is a young scientist doing an experiment: discovering that when I knock this over, those big people move around and do stuff. They have an internal locus of control, meaning they believe they are in control for the most part of what happens around and to them.
If there is such a thing as an Alpha Male (outside of the animal kingdom), I believe that the Alpha Male is the one who is the most prepared if something catastrophic were to happen. The Alpha Male is the most evolved of the species (they change and grow and adapt to meet major challenges in life: which is really what evolution is). If god forbid something like the holocaust or 9/11 were to happen again, I think the Alpha Males (and if you like, Alpha Females) are the ones who the smart money would be on to be able to not only survive if at all humanly possible, but come out of the experience stronger than they were to begin with.
I was just wondering if anyone else has read this book (he also wrote "the Resiliency Advantage" which has a lot of overlap with this book") and what you thought of it.
Siebert says that he found several things that people in each group (those who thrived and those who were left emotionally crippled by their experiences) had in common. One of the major ideas I got out of the book was what the author calls "the good child handicap". A person with this affliction is someone who has gone through life passively being told what to do, and especially what NOT to do. "Bad kids do this, bad kids do that, don't you be a bad kid." People who have trouble shrugging off major disappointments and crises in life also have very rigid ideas as far as "I'm supposed to be like this, other people are supposed to be like that, life is supposed to be like this." Then when these folks get into situations where things aren't the way they're "supposed" to be, they're lost.
Survivors on the other hand, have the flexibility to deal with each situation as it comes. They learn through trial and error what works for them, not from what they've passively learned from others. Survivors don't lose that sense of playful curiosity they had as kids, because playing (for humans and in nature) is how we learn. Siebert uses the example of a baby knocking its food on the floor, which her parents then clean up and bring her more food. He says this is a young scientist doing an experiment: discovering that when I knock this over, those big people move around and do stuff. They have an internal locus of control, meaning they believe they are in control for the most part of what happens around and to them.
If there is such a thing as an Alpha Male (outside of the animal kingdom), I believe that the Alpha Male is the one who is the most prepared if something catastrophic were to happen. The Alpha Male is the most evolved of the species (they change and grow and adapt to meet major challenges in life: which is really what evolution is). If god forbid something like the holocaust or 9/11 were to happen again, I think the Alpha Males (and if you like, Alpha Females) are the ones who the smart money would be on to be able to not only survive if at all humanly possible, but come out of the experience stronger than they were to begin with.
I was just wondering if anyone else has read this book (he also wrote "the Resiliency Advantage" which has a lot of overlap with this book") and what you thought of it.