Anyone advice me

[Thinking101]

Understand we've had plenty of "women" come on here with some type of story and they are either trolling or just out to try and shake us up because they believe in feminism to some degree.

Anyway, my take on this is you both suck at communication. You're both young though and seem inexperienced. A lot of people think that things like what you describe will simply "work their way out" on their own if given enough time. No, you prioritize, what appears to be, certain acts of kindness or what words are said to you. He prioritizes physical affection; I'm actually the same way. He said he was ok with your views on sex and holding off for a while - he was not. He can't clearly communicate what is important to him. You allowed him some level of physical intimacy but not everything he values and continue to allow him to be in some type of a relationship with you because you are "in love" with the idea of being in a relationship. You cannot clearly communicate that you love this idea rather than the person.

You claim you love him? I honestly don't think you know what love is. I, along with just a couple other men on this board, am married for 10 years now and love is something you allow yourself to feel because you are taking the burdens of another person's life as your own. Love is not the fairy tale romance crap you see constantly in movies. Have you ever watched some movie where they performed some kind of crazy stunt with a car, like jumping over a building or falling off some high place to land just right? We all know it's fake and setup, yet so many people can't make that same deduction when they watch these romance movies targeting women that set the stage for their fairytale of sweeping a woman off her feet at just the right place and right time with the right guy and everything just magically comes together. And so many women today think that that is what love in real life is supposed to be.

Don't delude yourself.

I honestly don't think this guy loves you and like I said earlier, I don't think you love him. You love the idea of being in love with him. If you truly loved him, you would submit yourself to him to make him happy and help him succeed in whatever his goals are. You'd share in whatever pains he has in life and try to help him overcome them. I'm not placing all of the blame on you though, this guy has plenty of blame to share too. He exhibits certain beta qualities, can't adequately communicate what is a priority for him when seeing a woman, thus he also can't articulate what goals he has for the future. It's sort of nice in a way that he plans on taking over the family restaurant; does he have any idea how difficult it is to succeed in that industry today? Does he understand what sort of cash flow he needs to make a decent living not just for himself but for a woman in his life and possibly a family one day? Does he understand how to adapt to changing tastes of customers and how to market to them properly? Hell these are all basic questions; has he educated himself properly in order to succeed?

I don't see it working out.

It wasn't about the fairytale, I didn't care about the fancy stuff nor did I seek it. I've come across people with similar traits to him but I guess he just stood out. I value the person's traits, how they are with their family, outlook on life and the feeling I get when around them. That's why I haven't had many relationships, I'm waiting for the right guy for me. I see it this way, when things don't go to plan or either one of us is angry the only thing which will show through is their traits. The things I value will last a lifetime, although people do change but a good soul is a good soul.

I haven't known him that long but I would have taken all of his burdens as my own. I understand where your coming from I guess it seems like my feeling weren't genuine because I wouldn't put out. I just felt pressure like it was all on me and didn't seem like it would pass with time. Guess you're right, it won't fix itself, he wants sex and I don't want it like that.

Yeah he is educated in the industry, he studied business and finance at uni. I myself am studying mathematical physics, I haven't quite figured out what I want to do. I just went for it because I really like physics and thought I couldn't do much with supporting it with something stable, like maths. I graduate this summer. He has been working in the family businesses for his whole life. He knows how much money he has to make to keep the business running, how much more he needs to make to think about improvements and how much he needs to sustain himself and his future wife. From what I gathered he was really driven in that sense. He was really committed to it, he makes a decent amount now but his goal was to get the one his working for now and then possible by shares into other businesses. I guess we didn't see in the whole money thing the same, he has to work hard to earn a living and I was born into it. Nevertheless, after maturing I am independent I work for my living and sustain myself. I want to work for a living but I don't value money the same way, but who doesn't want financial freedom. He had it all figured out. He was so motivated and set on making it work, I know someday he'll find the woman right for him. I wish it could have been me but nevertheless as long as he's happy I guess some good came from this. I can't help but wait for it all to work out, I know it's wrong.

 

[ubercat]

Hmm @Fruitbat I'll be a little bit careful about getting into psychology too much. most pyschs I've known and in some cases dated have been bat**** crazy. the spectrums you were talking about are for diagnosing personality disorders. in other words they only predict people's behaviour at the extremes. from astrology through Myers Briggs people have been trying to categorise behaviour for a long time. I haven't seen any studies that have proven these systems can accurately predict behaviour.

 

[ubercat]

Hmm @Fruitbat I'll be a little bit careful about getting into psychology too much. most pyschs I've known and in some cases dated have been bat**** crazy. the spectrums you were talking about are for diagnosing personality disorders. in other words they only predict people's behaviour at the extremes. from astrology through Myers Briggs people have been trying to categorise behaviour for a long time. I haven't seen any studies that have proven these systems can accurately predict behaviour.