Any way to save this?

[shaunuk]

alright lads (and girls)...Here's a situation at the moment, as far as I'm concerned it's ruined basically, but I'd appreciate any advice if you think it's reparable..

Since I finished with my last gf a girl who knows both me and my ex from school started talking to me on facebook chat. She repeatedly told me she's really horny because she hasn't had sex in 4 months. I got sexual straight away and escalated the flirting over a few days to the point where we agreed to meet at a local pub and mess about/have sex.

We were due to meet tonight...then she got me on facebook chat this morning and told me how she's heard some stuff about me...that at university last year I cheated on my gf a lot and that she should basically "stay away from me". She was told this by her gay best friend who I also knew from school...he apparently heard this stuff on the grapevine.

She went on to tell me she needs to feel safe and that she can't mess around/fvck with me because I mess people around, and that she doesn't want to get hurt again. Her last relationship ended terribly in that she ended up getting accidently pregnant and her boyfriend was cheating and laughed in her face that he was glad when she had a miscarriage.

I can understand why she's now hesitant to have anything to do with me...I've been honest however and I have no intention of hurting her. As far as I'm concerned the situation is irreperable and in a way I deserve the result due to a reputation getting around.

Any thoughts? Flames aren't needed. Cheers lads

 

[Vypros]

This is the power of your reputation.

What so few men focus on when trying to get with women is that what you do today ABSOLUTELY has consequences for tomorrow. Women have an intense social network and you better bet your ass that they use it to their fullest ability to check out the guys they date.

Never, ever take for granted the power of your reputation.

 

[shaunuk]

Thanks for the wise words Vyp. I'm starting to see that now. That 'rep' serves me pretty well in places where people thought i was single. but in this case it's bitten me in the arse as it was known in this area that I had a gf (not anymore tho). Again, I know this is my fault..

 

[WalkingStick]

I wouldn't call it irreperable, though it's not the easiest situation. I think there are few ways to go about this.

1) You could try convincing her that her view of you is wrong. No doubt you've probably already tried this, but it could (in theory) work. If she's absolutely convinced, this wont do much good and will probably just make her think you're trying evern harder to get in her pants.

2) You could try a relationship first so she trusts you. I don't know if this is what you're after, and it might take a while, but it's an option.

3) You could ignore her. If she's REALLY attracted to you, she'll start things up again. She might just be trying to throw you off.

I Don't know how much this'll help you, and I might be replying just because I'm bored, but you asked for thoughts and I gave them. Keep in mind that your reputation will be affected by whatever you end up doing. Enjoy.

 

[Igetit!]

This girl's excuses sound stupid to me. She contacts you by facebook telling you that she hasn't had sex in 4 months,and that she is so horny, then when she found out some other things about you all of the sudden all that horniness just goes away? Yeah, right. So between the time she said all this crap about horniness up until tonight when the two of you were supposed to get together, she did all this research and background checks on you to find out more about you? Then, she used what she found out in order to cancel the date you had planned? Idk, it all seems fishy to me. I honestly don't know why you would want to save this in the first place.

 

[shaunuk]

Igetit!: well she met up with her friends last night and I'm guessing they told her this when she said she had a 'date' with me. Remember the fact that she lost a baby and ended up being sh1t on by the bf? I'd say she's a bit messed up from all that so I'm probably in dangerous territory anyway. I probably shouldn't be trying to save this. This is just my last ditch, I don't realistically expect anything to happen now...maybe its for the best

Cheers for your advice btw mate.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Vypros is right about reputation.
As much as many posters on here will tell you that morality and integrity is overrated, that stuff DOES matter--you would be surprised how something from years ago can come back to bite you in the a$$.

That said, I don't think the situation is hopeless. A little negative feedback usually isn't enough to dissuade an interested girl. You're just gonna have to move a little slower with this one.

Would you believe it if I told you that all the sexual dialogue she started with you was a s#it test?? It's actually pretty common---ESPECIALLY on AIM, Facebook, and other semi-fake forms of communication. A girl you just meet will escalate (or denigrate?) the conversation to a sexual level and gauge your reaction. If you jump at the chance and start trying to get her to come have sex with you, you fail the test. If you act nonplussed or say things like, "Whoa there, you're bad--let's slow this down, I hardly know you," you pass. It seems counterintuitive, but that's just how it works.

Forget about trying to meet her to have sex. Instead, suggest meeting at a time and place where sex is UNLIKELY. Set a time constraint, too---"I only have an hour to hang b/c bla bla bla." You want to appear non threatening to this girl--once you do that, her attraction will kick in again and you will actually be fending HER off.

 

[DonGorgon]

She loves the drama and the fact you are a player she is intregued by your exciting reviews from the grape vine...LOL.. She wants you to prove that you are that cool player dude the risk of getting hurts excites her soo much..

And she is testing to see if you will break down and start explaining everything to her as though she deserves andy explanation.. You need to chastise her for wasting your time with rumors from poofs... Let he rknow that you know how to F her well proper and that should be her focus...

 

[aifia]

simple, ask her what she's looking for; a relationship or a FB