Originally posted by Quiksilver
It's late, so bear with me.
I understand, through reading countless posts on here, that many people have difficulty making friends and socializing in school. Is this you? It was me last year, and I finally understand what I started to do differently. (this can also be applied to any facet of life)
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It is in fact very simple.
Treat everyone you meet as if they are ALREADY your friends.
How do you treat friends in school?
You say "hey" when you pass them in the halls. You smile at them. You hold eye contact with them. You joke around with them. You touch them. You share stories with them. You ask for advice and help with things from them. YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH THEM.
Now, enter classroom setting. This is where many people have trouble.
You are now in a classroom with perhaps one or two friends, the rest are strangers. These people may look different, dress different, act different, whatever. But to you, they are STRANGERS.
This is the biggest mistake you could make. Never treat people as if they are strangers.
Tomorrow morning, yes, TOMORROW MORNING you will go to school and show up right at the bell, not early, not late. You will sit in your seat, beside your friend, alone, beside a stranger, whatever. Here is the catch...You WILL treat everyone around you--whether it be beside, behind, infront--as if you are already their friend. Say hi to them, ask a simple "what's up?", a very bland "Did you finish the homework?" , mabye even a little "How was your weekend?".
Hold eye contact with them, smile like you mean it, and be interested. BE INTERESTED. To make friends like this, you must treat it like getting to know each of these friends IS YOUR JOB. You damn well better remember their name, you'd better remember what they told you afew minutes ago. Make mental notes, even take jot notes if it seems important. BE SOCIAL LIKE IT'S YOUR JOB.
Talk to that girl beside you who you haven't spoken to all year. Ask her about her homework, her weekend, basic things.
Talk to that dude behind you, say afew words, let him know that you aren't shy.
From your point in the classroom, in one or two weeks TOPS, you should be friends with everyone directly surrounding you. Now I know you won't be really tight with them right off, people just aren't like that. But, you should be at the end of two weeks at the point where you can tell them, or suggest, that you should hang out sometime, or go get lunch, or anything.
In contrast to all of this(referred to by normal people as being social), DO NOT be that guy who doesn't talk to anybody all year. DO NOT be the dude in the corner with his head propped against his hand bored out of his mind, yet toooo shy to talk to the dudes or ladies around him.
Treat everyone around you as if you are their friend already, and guess what? THEY WILL BE YOUR FRIEND.
There will be the odd prick or ***** in there, but who cares? Their loss right?
Ever heard the phrase, "Expect and you shall recieve."?
If you treat somebody like a friend, naturally you EXPECT them to treat you like a friend in return. Create an expectation of somebody, and they will SUBCONSCIOUSLY fill that expectation. It's simple, it's psychology.
Ever been in a class with the "jocks"? We talk all the time, we don't care what other people in the class think of us, because we EXPECT them to be friendly. Ever have one of us talk to you? When I talk to one of the "losers" in the class, they are more than friendly. It's almost scary.
THIS IS REALLY EASY FOLKS. Treat kids around you like friends, laugh with them, tease with them, talk with them, discuss with them, help them, and pretty soon you'll be hanging out WITH them.
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To recap:
1. Talk to everyone around you.
2. Don't just talk, however. Act like they are all your friends. The entire class is filled with YOUR FRIENDS. All you have to do is treat them that way. The "fearless" kids who appear as though they have no nerves when they talk out loud or laugh out loud aren't actually fearless...They just act as if everyone is their friend in the class. Would you be afraid of laughing infront of your friends? Hells no.
3. Hold eye contact, and smile. Ask a question or two. Start it off light, with a focus on the class itself. Get them talking. Better yet, get them talking about themselves. Share a funny story. Get them laughing.
4. People are conformists by nature. Set an expectation(of friendliness) on them, and they will conform to YOUR WILL. This is what true power is folks...Power over other people...The ability to take advantage of human nature...Not maliciously, not to harm them...But to benefit them and you...To make you friends...
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I never did talk about the results of doing this did I?
The results are great. First off, it will give a whole new meaning to "going to classes". Now instead of going to class to sit and be silent as humans SHOULD NOT BE, you are going to class to work WITH YOUR FRIENDS. It will give you motivation in school, knowing that the class is filled with friends rather than strangers.
Rather obviously, you will have more people to talk to. After working up some confidence for acouple weeks just talking to them about small stuff, fluff talking, and joking, you might even venture out on a limb to ask one of them for their MSN or email, or phone number. You might even get invited to a party, or hear of something "going down" this weekend. Your options start to open up, you start to become a social and popular kid. Your popularity is a different issue, but you definitely become more social and make yourself a better person with more friends.
Lastly, I figured I should add this as well. Girls notice guys with lots of friends...Especially in class. Guys who aren't afraid to talk to people and appear to be easy-going and comfortable for everybody to talk to are very appealing in a girls eyes. Trust me on this, again from first-hand experience. If you're the "fun" guy in the class, the one who isn't afraid to talk to people, girls start to notice you. I catch girls looking at me and smiling all the time, starting converstations with me, asking me retarded questions, whatever...Guess why? BECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS.
Aight, that's all I got for tonight folks.
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If anybody has any problems with making friends, throw me a PM, I'll be glad to help. I'm still learning and practicing making friends, so I benefit by helping you guys as well, understanding different situations and stuff...
peace out brotha's.
