So I have known this chick for about 8 months, recently her boyfriend broke up with her and about a month after that we kinda started dating and it has been about 3 weeks. All we have done so far was made out and cuddled, I went stayed with her over the weekend and she did not even let me sleep in the same bed with her because she said "she knows what its going to lead to". Another thing is that she never calls at all she only texts and only starts to text about 3 out of 10 times with me starting the rest of the times. Also she rarely initiates anything in terms of kissing or anything physical which is fine but a bit weird. Now the thing is that one time a conversation came up when we started dating between her and a friend about her brake up and the way she was responding seemed like she was not over him almost at all and at the moment they are like friends. Basically what I would like you guys to do is give me some pointers or if anybody has been in a similar situation give me some advice.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Any thoiughts on this chick?
- Thread starter Early DJ
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
you're trying to make her your gf so soon after her breakup?.... you see what she is doing to you, how she is treating you. it's how you should be treating her. you're way more interested in her than she is in you. i suspect she'll dump you for her ex or when the next one comes along. of course it doesnt have to be this way if you play your cards right.
Aight I have a few words to say only because I was just in this situation..dude do not try to make this girl your girlfriend so soon..when you do that she will not be interested much longer I had to learn the hard way..now what you need to do is act like your busy and make her follow you..make yourself look like the prize..meet other women.
You can't just initiate everything, your going to make everything to easy for her, lose your value, and lower her interest level to the negatives. You have to back off sometimes or withdraw attention especially if she isn't very responsive to the attention that you give her. Don't think about her ex, it'll just make you feel insecure. If she's not over him, then move on, it was her loss.
Romjuan
Don Juan
chances are the reason why she isnt initiating anything is because she is still thinking about her ex and probably still fooling around with him. Im kind of in a similar situation where im thinking about my ex and still fooling around with her, yet these other plates im spinning ask me out and wonder why i dont respond to them enough... my reasoning is i dont care about them. im more concerned about my ex that i have these plates to boost my ego and keep me busy.
bottom line is, if i were you i would keep myself distant from this girl till she figures things out with the ex. you will end up being either rebound guy or orbiter for her ego. if you want to raise your value walk away for a month and see how her relationship is then with the ex.
bottom line is, if i were you i would keep myself distant from this girl till she figures things out with the ex. you will end up being either rebound guy or orbiter for her ego. if you want to raise your value walk away for a month and see how her relationship is then with the ex.
after reading your post again im more confident about my response. they are not "friends." they are still going through that break up stage where she still feels dependant on him and is probably still having sex with him. she'll be in this stage for about 3-6 months. If you try and chase her during this time you will FOR SURE be ljbfEarly DJ said:
“The 22 Rules That Turned Me From Invisible to Irresistible With Women… Starting Tonight”
You can skip the expensive cars, the fancy clothes, and the endless gym selfies. Completely unnecessary.
I used to freeze the second a beautiful woman looked my way. Frustrated. Awkward. Watching other guys walk away with the girl while I stood there tongue-tied.
Then I discovered 22 simple rules that rewired my entire dating life. The anxiety vanished. Conversations flowed effortlessly. Women started chasing me for a change.
These rules trigger a woman's subconscious attraction switches. And you can start using them tonight.
Those are all good points and I am not attached, just testing the waters at the moment, but she does like me from the signs I got from her even from before we started dating. Also I cant really disappear for six months or even a month really since we both know the same people.
Kailex
Master Don Juan
Okay... how in the BLUE HELL do you "kinda start dating".Early DJ said:
What does this entail? Do you kinda go out to have drinks and kinda get into the bar and then kinda talk to her? I don't get it.
Either you two are going out or you aren't. There's no KINDA in this.
3 weeks means nothing to me.
How many times have you KINDA gone out? 1, 2, 16? That's the number I need.
So you were a good little puppy and decided to sleep somewhere else?
How's that Friendzone feeling?
At this point, you're not even rebound guy.
The only thing you are doing is providing her with the validation that she can get a guy to fill her an emotional void without any sexual investment. It's been 3 weeks of KINDA dating (whatever the hell that means) and you've gotten absolutely nowhere.
And then she told you not to get into bed with her because it might lead to sex? Isn't that the POINT? If you make out and cuddle, you lead to sex... not to sleeping on the other bed by yourself... I can't believe you just took that.
At that point, I would have left to go sleep in my own bed in my own apartment.
How does it feel to be an orbiter?
You are nothing more than that right now. Like I said, you are filling her emotional validation slot that her boyfriend is no longer filling. You are temporary. And the worst part: You're not getting anything in return for it.
Newsflash: You're not kinda dating. You're nowhere even close. You're just the guy she kisses when she needs to be kissed. And nothing more.
Stop texting her, stop calling her... stop KINDA DATING HER.
You mean absolutely nothing to this girl and that will not change at all.
You are not in the process of LJBF... you were already LJBF-ed when she told you not to sleep in the same bed.
I'm sorry, but it's game over.
It seems like you have zero chance, she already told you that she doesn't want you to sleep in the same bed. It seems like LMR but you didn't plow through it, so it's too late now. She expects nothing more than a compliant lapdog to kiss and cuddle with whenever SHE wants to.
She's holding the entire frame, you're nothing more than a pawn in her chess game.
Stop being a pawn.
Stop seeing her as a potential lay.
So you two are in the same social circles? Fine, keep her as a friend and nothing more.
Save yourself the mental anguish of trying to figure out how to get her, because she already figured out how to keep you at bay.
And the sad thing is that most guys don't even realize it. They're just so happy to finally have a GF (well, in this case, kindaKailex said:
) that they either can't or don't want to see it.Early DJ, like Kailex said, just keep her as a friend and do not be emotionally involved with her anymore.
Upon looking into it further and throwing some tests you guys are absolutely right. One question though why does she keep throwing out compliments that have to do with looks and such. Like I went out with a few of our friends last night and she came but I barely gave her any attention and when I left she texted "You looked really nice tonight " I just thanked her and that was that
" I just thanked her and that was that"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
If she doesn't dig you, she's basically fishing for a return compliment and/or free dinner/drinks/entertainment. An AFC would have said "You looked really nice too! Can I buy you dinner next Friday? Please? PRETTY PLEASE!!?? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO OUT WITH ME!!???" (okay those two last ones were exagerated ) but you played it absolutely perfect by just thanking her and not complimenting back. Good job!
) but you played it absolutely perfect by just thanking her and not complimenting back. Good job!KingofHearts
Don Juan
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ditto what kailex said - if she isn't giving you all of her, then you're not her #1 choice.
Kissing or not, you situation is the definition of being an emotional tampon. Don't take it personal. Just understand that you can and should do better for yourself and get a girl (or several!) that is really into you and doesn't have bf drama
Kissing or not, you situation is the definition of being an emotional tampon. Don't take it personal. Just understand that you can and should do better for yourself and get a girl (or several!) that is really into you and doesn't have bf drama
KingofHearts
Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2009
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You didn't give her enough attention during the night, so she threw out a compliment to draw you back in. Doesn't mean you didn't look good! Perfect response from you though, just take the compliment and move on.Early DJ said:Upon looking into it further and throwing some tests you guys are absolutely right. One question though why does she keep throwing out compliments that have to do with looks and such. Like I went out with a few of our friends last night and she came but I barely gave her any attention and when I left she texted "You looked really nice tonight
You're the rebound guy, she's using you as validation material.
You got much to learn, but don't worry, you'll get there...
As to how cool things down, just tell her this:
"I don't think this is working out between us"
and keep it with that, in the end, you shouldn't let yourself be used by a woman and you said it in a respectfull way to her that your "relationship" (even though it wasen't even that) has just ended.
Then at least one of you had respect for the other, cause clearly, she has none for you.
(Not that that's a reason to be angry at her, it's their nature)
PS: Don't ever go back with her, cause she'll just end up using you AGAIN...
You got much to learn, but don't worry, you'll get there...
As to how cool things down, just tell her this:
"I don't think this is working out between us"
and keep it with that, in the end, you shouldn't let yourself be used by a woman and you said it in a respectfull way to her that your "relationship" (even though it wasen't even that) has just ended.
Then at least one of you had respect for the other, cause clearly, she has none for you.
(Not that that's a reason to be angry at her, it's their nature)
PS: Don't ever go back with her, cause she'll just end up using you AGAIN...
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.