slitherjef
Senior Don Juan
Just wondering if there where any introverts here on SS. If so, did you have to change your tactics when it comes to women, especially if you don't like to be around people.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
Any introverts here?
- Thread starter slitherjef
- Start date
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
coochieman
Don Juan
I feel you, dawg. I am too. In fact, I kinda hate people. I keep to myself cos I don't feel the need to explain, talk excessively or make people happy. But then in funny way, I'm humorous. So its like its C&F every time I talk (especially amongst dudes).
The thing is... when you are an introvert, you offer less clues and info about yourself than the normal person would and people interested enough tend to judge the type of person you are by how they think you judge yourself and how others judge you.
See it this way..... You are right in the middle between being a "loser, by the corner, shy kid" and "mr-silent-cool, mysterious, there's something about him- I gotta know him-gentleman". U dig ???
Use this to your advantage.....
First, have cool friends.... At least a couple. Real recognize real, period. It automatically disassociates you from the loser identity and they would broaden your social reach. Socialize alongside them. The higher their perceived status, the higher yours. That's the truth. You don't need to become as "loud" or as "outgoing" as them. No! Be the cool one in the gang.
Have a flawless body language.... Yes! Own it! You don't really talk with your mouth so what would people resort to ? You guessed right... What you tell them with your body aka Body language. Act like a king to be treated like a king. Heads up, chest up, stand tall and walk slow like "its your world".
These two would get you good enough to go... Others include...
1. Show a hint of playfulness once in two/three blue moons. Try.
2. Never be eager to impress, you would come across as needy or seem like you're trying desperately to make a point. Talk and help people calmly and gently.
3. Socialize more. Try to. But still maintain you reserved mentality, just get to know more people as much as possible. Nothing wrong with that.
4. Smile.... half of a lot. Don't just make it random.
5. Be very confident. In your talk, walk and actions. Flirt well. Make it look like "I'm reserved because I want to, because I am like that not that I'm scared or I that have to"
6. Humor. Crack people up with the little chance you get.
7. Look the part. Wanna advertise without words ? Then, look it. Have a good dress sense, own that quality of "there's something about him, I can't figure". Remember charm and charisma. Just don't try to force it, brah. Be cool.
8. You are reserved. Fools might mistake your gentleness for weakness. Fools would wanna test you. Always stand your ground.
Understand people would despise you cos you aren't as hyper as they are or you make "being cool" seem so effortless. Its natural, you wish they would know better. Have a good laugh about it. Enjoy, the world's your playground.
The thing is... when you are an introvert, you offer less clues and info about yourself than the normal person would and people interested enough tend to judge the type of person you are by how they think you judge yourself and how others judge you.
See it this way..... You are right in the middle between being a "loser, by the corner, shy kid" and "mr-silent-cool, mysterious, there's something about him- I gotta know him-gentleman". U dig ???
Use this to your advantage.....
First, have cool friends.... At least a couple. Real recognize real, period. It automatically disassociates you from the loser identity and they would broaden your social reach. Socialize alongside them. The higher their perceived status, the higher yours. That's the truth. You don't need to become as "loud" or as "outgoing" as them. No! Be the cool one in the gang.
Have a flawless body language.... Yes! Own it! You don't really talk with your mouth so what would people resort to ? You guessed right... What you tell them with your body aka Body language. Act like a king to be treated like a king. Heads up, chest up, stand tall and walk slow like "its your world".
These two would get you good enough to go... Others include...
1. Show a hint of playfulness once in two/three blue moons. Try.
2. Never be eager to impress, you would come across as needy or seem like you're trying desperately to make a point. Talk and help people calmly and gently.
3. Socialize more. Try to. But still maintain you reserved mentality, just get to know more people as much as possible. Nothing wrong with that.
4. Smile.... half of a lot. Don't just make it random.
5. Be very confident. In your talk, walk and actions. Flirt well. Make it look like "I'm reserved because I want to, because I am like that not that I'm scared or I that have to"
6. Humor. Crack people up with the little chance you get.
7. Look the part. Wanna advertise without words ? Then, look it. Have a good dress sense, own that quality of "there's something about him, I can't figure". Remember charm and charisma. Just don't try to force it, brah. Be cool.
8. You are reserved. Fools might mistake your gentleness for weakness. Fools would wanna test you. Always stand your ground.
Understand people would despise you cos you aren't as hyper as they are or you make "being cool" seem so effortless. Its natural, you wish they would know better. Have a good laugh about it. Enjoy, the world's your playground.
Sir Psycho Sexy
Senior Don Juan
Yeah im an introvert. For me its worst when im around crowds of people. But meeting women can be hard. I have better luck by becoming their friend first. It takes a woman more than a 10 minute conversation at a bar or party to decide that im a normal guy and that shes attracted to me.
Having a gf brings new problems. Being around her for two hours is enough for me when she would rather try to spend the entire weekend at my house.
Having a gf brings new problems. Being around her for two hours is enough for me when she would rather try to spend the entire weekend at my house.
European-DJ
Master Don Juan
I am probably the biggest introvert out there.
I think it has something to do with the way i was raised - "Keep silent while the adults are speaking".
So i have never been a great speaker, nor extroverted.. but i am practising, i hope it is something you can adapt.
I think it has something to do with the way i was raised - "Keep silent while the adults are speaking".
So i have never been a great speaker, nor extroverted.. but i am practising, i hope it is something you can adapt.
zekko
Master Don Juan
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See, this is a bad outlook. You're saying you're an introvert, and the extroverts are "normal people". There's nothing wrong with being an introvert, being an introvert IS normal. Although introverts have often been thought to be in the minority, this study shows introverts to actually make up 50.7% if the population - a slight majority:coochieman said:
http://www.thoughtful-self-improvement.com/percentage-of-introverts.html
Being an introvert simply means that socializing drains your energy, while solitude re-energizes you. Extroverts are the exact opposite. It doesn't mean you are a shy, malformed, awkward, pathetic freak.
Most people are actually a mix of the two and fall in the middle of the bell curve. They just slightly lean one way or the other.
I'm a strong introvert (INTJ), happily so. I would honestly rather enjoy time by my self than be around a bunch of people. But I'm not shy. I am very social when I go out, and I do public speaking in my job. I just don't NEED to be around people. I do live with my girlfriend, but for whatever reason, she doesn't really drain my energy, she's like a part of me. I would hate to be an extrovert because I would not want to have to depend on other people to make me happy.
I was very painfully shy when I was younger, because I was raised as an only child. But over the years I worked on building up my social skills and eventually conquered it. Introverts may be more inclined to be shy, but with a little effort to build their skills, they can be just as good at socializing as anyone else. Don't buy into the idea that there's something wrong with you, because there isn't.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
coochieman
Don Juan
zekko said:
Replace "normal" with "average" in my post. I meant normal as in "common" and not "standard".
You should have understood me better.
Of course, introverts are normal people. Do I think I'm abnormal because I half-hate socializing? Lmao!, Nope. I do not feel the need to always follow or tag along with people to catch fun, I would be sad if that were the case.
Gone are the days when my introversion caused me to get unnecessarily shy. I socialize well when I wanna but I prefer it 'cos its who I am and its when i get to do something really useful like reading, blah, blah...... I would hate to be an extrovert too, 'cos it sucks man.
Good to hear you were raised as an only child, me too. Automatically gives you extra love credits in ma heart.
The main issue for myself is when introverted man meets introverted woman. An extroverted woman with high interest is at least somewhat likely to approach the man and save him some effort, while an introverted woman will likely never initiate anything no matter what.
It's a shame as I tend to like introverted women more since they're not as loud and annoying as extroverted women, but they make you do even more work and that quickly gets tiring.
It's a shame as I tend to like introverted women more since they're not as loud and annoying as extroverted women, but they make you do even more work and that quickly gets tiring.
slitherjef
Senior Don Juan
You know, I was doing some thinking and perhaps I am not as socially inept as I thought I was. I think its my nature to mess with people, have fun and joke with the guys, BS with them, and when it comes to the ladies, well, after I get to know them a bit (perhaps so I know what I can get away with). Its just that initial hump I got to get over. When I am around a chick I am comfortable around, the teasing, chatting, ambiguous comments, mild flirting comes naturally. I guess I don't need to learn this stuff. I already have it
For example, I have started to talk to two other ladies at work. Small chatter, just hows it going, name and so on. Getting positive responses. One is a hair trigger, I swear, I know more then say, Hi, name to one and its automatic, upbeat "fine! How are you!" And I am sitting here thinking,
Wow! I wish I could do that. Perhaps I will tell her one of these times, "Wow, you are so upbeat, how do you do it?"
Bad social skills? I can make a customer laugh in 30 seconds, some one I don't even know. People who I know, yeah, no sweat. I have even made an ass out of my self - and got away with doing so.
I suspect my self esteem issues stem from the fact that most women are not going to make the first move. So I had this notion that if a chick is into you, she will make it known. I guess this is not the case, but since they are expecting ME to make that move, when I look at them and they look down and away or they sweep their gaze off the the side. They never came up to me. I perceived this as a rejection. Once I read a couple books and learned that some women will look down and away... like I do, if I just keep watching I may know my answer. Or have my foot in the door if they look back shortly thereafter.
Shesh....
They may think I am rejecting them because I don't keep looking to see if they look back.
Ironically I think I would prefer an introverted female so that I don't get overloaded nor does she.
For example, I have started to talk to two other ladies at work. Small chatter, just hows it going, name and so on. Getting positive responses. One is a hair trigger, I swear, I know more then say, Hi, name to one and its automatic, upbeat "fine! How are you!" And I am sitting here thinking,
Wow! I wish I could do that. Perhaps I will tell her one of these times, "Wow, you are so upbeat, how do you do it?"Bad social skills? I can make a customer laugh in 30 seconds, some one I don't even know. People who I know, yeah, no sweat. I have even made an ass out of my self - and got away with doing so.
I suspect my self esteem issues stem from the fact that most women are not going to make the first move. So I had this notion that if a chick is into you, she will make it known. I guess this is not the case, but since they are expecting ME to make that move, when I look at them and they look down and away or they sweep their gaze off the the side. They never came up to me. I perceived this as a rejection. Once I read a couple books and learned that some women will look down and away... like I do, if I just keep watching I may know my answer. Or have my foot in the door if they look back shortly thereafter.
Shesh....
They may think I am rejecting them because I don't keep looking to see if they look back.
Ironically I think I would prefer an introverted female so that I don't get overloaded nor does she.
zekko
Master Don Juan
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Coochieman, I was just using your statement as a way to make a point. I wasn't trying to infer that you were a self-hater or anything like that.
Slitherjef, you're right, you're probably not that inept. I think reading this forum can sometimes set up unrealistic expectations. Like some guy will say "Yeah, I went to the club and every girl there could sense my alphaness, and 15 HB9s offered me their number without my even asking for it", or whatever. Then you think "Well, why doesn't that happen to me"?
One thing to remember when you're the introspective type is that you still have to play the male role, which is to initiate and make things happen. A lot of guys will lay back and let the girls do this for them, and that can work, but it isn't the best way. As a man, you have to step up, whether you're an introvert or not. That's the way I look at it.
Slitherjef, you're right, you're probably not that inept. I think reading this forum can sometimes set up unrealistic expectations. Like some guy will say "Yeah, I went to the club and every girl there could sense my alphaness, and 15 HB9s offered me their number without my even asking for it", or whatever. Then you think "Well, why doesn't that happen to me"?
One thing to remember when you're the introspective type is that you still have to play the male role, which is to initiate and make things happen. A lot of guys will lay back and let the girls do this for them, and that can work, but it isn't the best way. As a man, you have to step up, whether you're an introvert or not. That's the way I look at it.
I think "introvert/extrovert" is a self-limiting belief if you ask me. I used to consider myself an introvert because I was quiet, was drawn to solitary activities, and shy to open myself up to people. To be honest, I was really just painfully shy, and probably lie somewhere between introverted and extroverted rather than belonging to one, pigeonholed category. Introversion and extraversion is a spectrum of personality trait, and all of us lie somewhere along this line. In fact, most people, by definition, lie somewhere between the two, give and take 10-20%. It's like a bell-curve.
You have to ask yourself: Do you enjoy meeting new people? Do you want to have a richer social life, but lack the confidence or social skills to do so? In that case, you may be an extrovert disguised as an introvert. It all boils down to how much you want to make new friends or be more social. By definition, an introvert is drained by social interaction and energized by spending time alone, whereas an extroverted is vice-versa.
I'm really neither, to be honest. I have some days where I want to be around tons of people and party, and I have other days where I spend all day reading, thinking, and doing solo activities.
Just remember not to confuse shyness with introversion. Know how much socializing is just right for you. For me, being shy all throughout my teen years sort of forced me to become introverted as a defense mechanism. It wasn't until I moved a few months ago, surrounded by tons of family and cousins and new people, that I realized just how socially-deprived I was and how much I enjoyed parties.
If you need to improve your social skills, read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. The book was originally written for salesman to "charm" people into liking them and therefore increase their success, but I think the book can apply to your average Joe looking to gain a richer social life.
Remember during social interactions to get the person to talk about themselves as much as possible. Focus outward, not inward. Get rid of that analytical, inhibiting voice in your head that only focuses on you you and YOU. Ask them questions about themselves. Talk in term of their interests. People love to talk about themselves, and once they get talking, the conversation will go alot more smoothly and natrually. Use their name a lot. Use touch more often. Don't act too serious and remember to use humour.
Breaking out of your shell will take time and effort, but my lord, is it ever worth it.
You have to ask yourself: Do you enjoy meeting new people? Do you want to have a richer social life, but lack the confidence or social skills to do so? In that case, you may be an extrovert disguised as an introvert. It all boils down to how much you want to make new friends or be more social. By definition, an introvert is drained by social interaction and energized by spending time alone, whereas an extroverted is vice-versa.
I'm really neither, to be honest. I have some days where I want to be around tons of people and party, and I have other days where I spend all day reading, thinking, and doing solo activities.
Just remember not to confuse shyness with introversion. Know how much socializing is just right for you. For me, being shy all throughout my teen years sort of forced me to become introverted as a defense mechanism. It wasn't until I moved a few months ago, surrounded by tons of family and cousins and new people, that I realized just how socially-deprived I was and how much I enjoyed parties.
If you need to improve your social skills, read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. The book was originally written for salesman to "charm" people into liking them and therefore increase their success, but I think the book can apply to your average Joe looking to gain a richer social life.
Remember during social interactions to get the person to talk about themselves as much as possible. Focus outward, not inward. Get rid of that analytical, inhibiting voice in your head that only focuses on you you and YOU. Ask them questions about themselves. Talk in term of their interests. People love to talk about themselves, and once they get talking, the conversation will go alot more smoothly and natrually. Use their name a lot. Use touch more often. Don't act too serious and remember to use humour.
Breaking out of your shell will take time and effort, but my lord, is it ever worth it.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Upside
Senior Don Juan
I remember one day sitting on my grandpa's lap and my cousin was asking questions about me. These were people I knew my entire life and I couldn't get words out. I'm still the same way now. I am no longer that painfully shy, but I really understand who I am as a person now. I will probably not be the center of attention at every party. I probably will not have girls circle me when going to bars.
I see myself as a lone wolf. I do a better job of attracting girls when I am with her one on one. I am much more sociable and open in a one on one setting. For whatever reason I am also more comfortable around females. I haven't had a guy "best friend" since I was around 14. However, and maybe I am wrong on this one, but I feel as if I could never have true friends. I went to a baseball game this past weekend with a buddy of mine. I knew he wasn't the biggest fan of baseball but we normally get along well. During the game we talked here and there but it wasn't sustained. I enjoyed myself because I love baseball, not sure about the other guy. We normally go to bars and stuff like that, but it feels like if I don't say anything then I must be the weird one rather than the other way around.
My current girlfriend is probably the easiest person I have been able to talk to in my entire life. This isn't an understatement. We can talk about the stupidest crap and it becomes interesting and funny to me. I hate it when she texts me though. Also, as of late I have been getting annoyed by her constant desire to travel and hopefully moving in with me one day. I already explicitly told her that I can't travel the amount she wants to (which is unrealistic for her anyway) as well as telling her that I will not be moving in with her anytime soon. Period. But she still brings it up.
She has been to hockey and baseball games with me in the past and sometimes I just like to take in the game and not really talk. Again, I feel as if I am being the weirdo with her at these times. I think the ultimate litmus test between us will be the day we go to a game and we just sit there, watch, and exchange a smiling glance or two over the course of three hours without many words and we still both have a good time and I know that I don't NEED to say anything. It's not that I can't talk, sometimes I just don't want to.
My point is that I think people talk too much. I can't really sustain a 5 hour conversation and I don't know why. When dating girls I just met, usually what happens is we go on our date, talk for about 2-3 hours while doing whatever activity I had planned, have sex/make out ad naseum, talk for a little after and call it a night.
I'm not shy. I have no trouble actually talking to people. My biggest issue is connecting with people on a level where they want to talk to me rather than me feeling as if i have to sustain a conversation. I am an INTJ to the max. I have very few friends, it's difficult to talk to my own brothers sometimes, but I can still do decent with girls. Not great, but decent. And at this point I accepted that this is just who I am. It's all about fine-tuning at this point.
I see myself as a lone wolf. I do a better job of attracting girls when I am with her one on one. I am much more sociable and open in a one on one setting. For whatever reason I am also more comfortable around females. I haven't had a guy "best friend" since I was around 14. However, and maybe I am wrong on this one, but I feel as if I could never have true friends. I went to a baseball game this past weekend with a buddy of mine. I knew he wasn't the biggest fan of baseball but we normally get along well. During the game we talked here and there but it wasn't sustained. I enjoyed myself because I love baseball, not sure about the other guy. We normally go to bars and stuff like that, but it feels like if I don't say anything then I must be the weird one rather than the other way around.
My current girlfriend is probably the easiest person I have been able to talk to in my entire life. This isn't an understatement. We can talk about the stupidest crap and it becomes interesting and funny to me. I hate it when she texts me though. Also, as of late I have been getting annoyed by her constant desire to travel and hopefully moving in with me one day. I already explicitly told her that I can't travel the amount she wants to (which is unrealistic for her anyway) as well as telling her that I will not be moving in with her anytime soon. Period. But she still brings it up.
She has been to hockey and baseball games with me in the past and sometimes I just like to take in the game and not really talk. Again, I feel as if I am being the weirdo with her at these times. I think the ultimate litmus test between us will be the day we go to a game and we just sit there, watch, and exchange a smiling glance or two over the course of three hours without many words and we still both have a good time and I know that I don't NEED to say anything. It's not that I can't talk, sometimes I just don't want to.
My point is that I think people talk too much. I can't really sustain a 5 hour conversation and I don't know why. When dating girls I just met, usually what happens is we go on our date, talk for about 2-3 hours while doing whatever activity I had planned, have sex/make out ad naseum, talk for a little after and call it a night.
I'm not shy. I have no trouble actually talking to people. My biggest issue is connecting with people on a level where they want to talk to me rather than me feeling as if i have to sustain a conversation. I am an INTJ to the max. I have very few friends, it's difficult to talk to my own brothers sometimes, but I can still do decent with girls. Not great, but decent. And at this point I accepted that this is just who I am. It's all about fine-tuning at this point.