Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Any DJs here struggling with alcohol?

AAAgent

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Been drinking almost every time I go out. Its not too bad but its becoming a bit concerning.

Ive been in the game for 10 years (Im 28) now and I dont enjoy it anymore. Im in a scene where im not meeting the type of chicks I want at all.

Hard to find the ones I like.

In general, I dont really seem to get much dopamine from interacting with women anymore. Im either jaded or just women are not attractive to me (im almost exclusively attracted to foreign women).

Ive been finding myself drinking more because I just dont enjoy going on dates as much. I almost feel like they're more of a chore than anything else.

Kind of a rant but lets shoot the sh1t
I was also getting to the point where i was drinking too much in NYC, meeting women I didn't like all to often, partying, etc.

I left NYC to head back home, getting an okay job, and living a more simple life. It was okay for a while but unless your in one of those unique top tier industries that make bank, moving back to smaller cities, burbs, country isn't too great career wise. What that did do for me was give me time to breathe, save, and ultimately make money in other ways.

Also, less friends to drink as often. In NYC, i could probably find someone to grab a drink almost any day of the week.

I stopped searching for girls in places where I wouldn't want to meet quality women. I started going to libraries, gym, even resorting to having friends set me up with dates (i typically don't like to **** where I eat). Eventually, I just came to the conclusion, i'd likely not find anyone in the west/US. I'd rather be single than to deal with how ridiculous its become. Granted I dated and had girlfriends but nothing I wanted to settle down with.

Instead I shifted focus to myself. Working on improving myself through education and experience. I had a bit less stress being outside of NYC and was still making similar money, albeit had a lower cap on earning potential being outside of NYC. Eventually I made my progress on myself significantly, met my future wife while not expecting it.

I see a surprising trend these days on SoSuave. This is a men's self help forum. Much of the foundational material, especially those by pook emphasize focusing on yourself instead of the women. So many on this forum just focus on game, the chase, numbers, etc. Those are important and I did those as well. What was significantly more valuable to me instead was changing my life. turning myself from a piece of ****, into someone that gets **** done. Enough that I'm constantly being recruited, asked by others to start new companies with them, etc.

I used to think about how bad my life was. Being in debt, having low paying jobs, no savings, lacking intelligence, experience, culture, overall just a fvck up. I chalked about my failures to making dumb decisions and having poor mating selections to also my poor decisions. So instead of focusing entirely on finding a mate, I instead focused on fixing all my dumb decisions that resulted in poor opportunities.

After I paid off my debt, I realized I had more freedom to take on risks. After reading and self studying for about 8 years non stop, I realized my speech improved. My perception of discussion topics changed. I went from not understanding things, to people not being able to understand me. People started calling me smart in my late twenties. This was something I've never heard in my life and honestly took me years to acknowledge. More opportunities started to open up cross country and internationally because of my improved knowledge and growing experience. More money allowed me to be pickier. More women also started to become available, ones that I actually liked. I outgrew my old friends and made new ones. Smarter, more successful, more ambitious, basically friends with similar interests that could uplift me or join me on the journey. My childhood friends still exist and we hang out now and again, but we can't chat about anything meaningful, basically just sports and kids.

Make good choices like investing in yourself, and good results will come your way. Cut down on drinking and smoking. Focus on yourself which should be the prize. If you're a sh1tty prize, definitely will get someone worthy of that type of prize and vice versa.
 

SpartanWarrior77

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SpartanWarrior77

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I was also getting to the point where i was drinking too much in NYC, meeting women I didn't like all to often, partying, etc.

I left NYC to head back home, getting an okay job, and living a more simple life. It was okay for a while but unless your in one of those unique top tier industries that make bank, moving back to smaller cities, burbs, country isn't too great career wise. What that did do for me was give me time to breathe, save, and ultimately make money in other ways.

Also, less friends to drink as often. In NYC, i could probably find someone to grab a drink almost any day of the week.

I stopped searching for girls in places where I wouldn't want to meet quality women. I started going to libraries, gym, even resorting to having friends set me up with dates (i typically don't like to **** where I eat). Eventually, I just came to the conclusion, i'd likely not find anyone in the west/US. I'd rather be single than to deal with how ridiculous its become. Granted I dated and had girlfriends but nothing I wanted to settle down with.

Instead I shifted focus to myself. Working on improving myself through education and experience. I had a bit less stress being outside of NYC and was still making similar money, albeit had a lower cap on earning potential being outside of NYC. Eventually I made my progress on myself significantly, met my future wife while not expecting it.

I see a surprising trend these days on SoSuave. This is a men's self help forum. Much of the foundational material, especially those by pook emphasize focusing on yourself instead of the women. So many on this forum just focus on game, the chase, numbers, etc. Those are important and I did those as well. What was significantly more valuable to me instead was changing my life. turning myself from a piece of ****, into someone that gets **** done. Enough that I'm constantly being recruited, asked by others to start new companies with them, etc.

I used to think about how bad my life was. Being in debt, having low paying jobs, no savings, lacking intelligence, experience, culture, overall just a fvck up. I chalked about my failures to making dumb decisions and having poor mating selections to also my poor decisions. So instead of focusing entirely on finding a mate, I instead focused on fixing all my dumb decisions that resulted in poor opportunities.

After I paid off my debt, I realized I had more freedom to take on risks. After reading and self studying for about 8 years non stop, I realized my speech improved. My perception of discussion topics changed. I went from not understanding things, to people not being able to understand me. People started calling me smart in my late twenties. This was something I've never heard in my life and honestly took me years to acknowledge. More opportunities started to open up cross country and internationally because of my improved knowledge and growing experience. More money allowed me to be pickier. More women also started to become available, ones that I actually liked. I outgrew my old friends and made new ones. Smarter, more successful, more ambitious, basically friends with similar interests that could uplift me or join me on the journey. My childhood friends still exist and we hang out now and again, but we can't chat about anything meaningful, basically just sports and kids.

Make good choices like investing in yourself, and good results will come your way. Cut down on drinking and smoking. Focus on yourself which should be the prize. If you're a sh1tty prize, definitely will get someone worthy of that type of prize and vice versa.
Solid success story there bruv. The old you kind of sounds like me, can barely hold onto a job sometimes. I'm like the archetypical good looking loser but in a nerdier way. So did u get married? If so, is living in the US more tolerable or do u still find suburban life boring and miserable?
 

AAAgent

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Solid success story there bruv. The old you kind of sounds like me, can barely hold onto a job sometimes. I'm like the archetypical good looking loser but in a nerdier way. So did u get married? If so, is living in the US more tolerable or do u still find suburban life boring and miserable?
I get you. I'm also somewhat similar. People often say I have the fvckboy look. Never knew this until my 30's.

Yes, married happily with a kid.

I went from the burbs, leaving finance sales in NYC moving into regional ad sales in my home town region. Suburbs was boring but not miserable. I spent time self studying and investing. Found a niche and became an expert at it and made money. Due to my expertise I ended up in silicon valley and started crushing it in tech. From tech branched out into gaming, and moved to Texas last year to wait out this economic storm. I negotiated no pay cut and permanent remote status, although I do travel to west coast, europe and asia for work.

It's slower here but great for family. I live in a nice area now, make great money, have lots saved up, have emergency funds, in decent shape, drink a lot less. Probably 1 bottle of wine a month. Still vape heavily but my work is pretty stressful and I use that to relieve the stress. Would like to cut that out soon but moving and prepping for this coming storm has been stressful (its now done and over with).

"A fool pulls the leaves. A brute chops the trunk. A sage digs the roots."

My recommendation if you want better selection of mates, become a better prize. I practiced game literally as a complimentary routine to my normal schedule, never as a primary focus. I came to the conclusion early on, that if I wasn't able to see the value in myself, others definitely wouldn't. Lying to myself believing $40k annual salary was a catch has never been my way. I own my faults and overcome them. On my way to and from work, grabbing lunch, shopping for supplies, to and from gym, etc I would practice game. If I got lucky, then great. Most of the times I did not achieve success but at the very least, I improved my conversational skills and breaking the ice/overcoming awkwardness. The focus was never to improve my game but to improve myself. The bulk of my time I spent improving myself as an overall package. Studying finance, economics, history, business, start-ups, reading leadership based fiction novels (prefer fiction to autobiography). Even studied climate, war, science and math. I would for the most part, be able to talk to almost anyone from any profession and have an intellectual conversation. For complex discussions, I'd be able to understand high level and breakdown their profession into something more simplified that they could relate to. This not only improved my language skills, my efficiency at work, my conversation skills, my outward perception from others, my planning, but also my game.

My future > women

I tell my wife anytime she acts up. You are welcome to leave at anytime. Our relationship is a mutually agreed upon partnership that both parties add value and improve each others lifestyles. If you ever feel I am not doing that for you and you want to find better, you are welcome to do so and likewise I will do the same. I also made it clear if my wife ever came in-between my future, I would choose that over her.

She says the main reason why she stays with me is my ambition. Although recently I feel my ambition dying out in favor or spending time with my daughter. She also thinks I'm one of those bad boys that needs to be controlled which she likes. Likely true, but I am trying to be the best man I can be. Being human, we're prone to make mistakes which I have made plenty as well. Luckily nothing yet I haven't been able to recover from. Which is why I believe everyone can change and you still have plenty of time.
 
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SpartanWarrior77

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I get you. I'm also somewhat similar. People often say I have the fvckboy look. Never knew this until my 30's.

Yes, married happily with a kid.

I went from the burbs, leaving finance sales in NYC moving into regional ad sales in my home town region. Suburbs was boring but not miserable. I spent time self studying and investing. Found a niche and became an expert at it and made money. Due to my expertise I ended up in silicon valley and started crushing it in tech. From tech branched out into gaming, and moved to Texas last year to wait out this economic storm. I negotiated no pay cut and permanent remote status, although I do travel to west coast, europe and asia for work.

It's slower here but great for family. I live in a nice area now, make great money, have lots saved up, have emergency funds, in decent shape, drink a lot less. Probably 1 bottle of wine a month. Still vape heavily but my work is pretty stressful and I use that to relieve the stress. Would like to cut that out soon but moving and prepping for this coming storm has been stressful (its now done and over with).

"A fool pulls the leaves. A brute chops the trunk. A sage digs the roots."

My recommendation if you want better selection of mates, become a better prize. I practiced game literally as a complimentary routine to my normal schedule, never as a primary focus. I came to the conclusion early on, that if I wasn't able to see the value in myself, others definitely wouldn't. Lying to myself believing $40k annual salary was a catch has never been my way. I own my faults and overcome them. On my way to and from work, grabbing lunch, shopping for supplies, to and from gym, etc I would practice game. If I got lucky, then great. Most of the times I did not achieve success but at the very least, I improved my conversational skills and breaking the ice/overcoming awkwardness. The focus was never to improve my game but to improve myself. The bulk of my time I spent improving myself as an overall package. Studying finance, economics, history, business, start-ups, reading leadership based fiction novels (prefer fiction to autobiography). Even studied climate, war, science and math. I would for the most part, be able to talk to almost anyone from any profession and have an intellectual conversation. For complex discussions, I'd be able to understand high level and breakdown their profession into something more simplified that they could relate to. This not only improved my language skills, my efficiency at work, my conversation skills, my outward perception from others, my planning, but also my game.

My future > women

I tell my wife anytime she acts up. You are welcome to leave at anytime. Our relationship is a mutually agreed upon partnership that both parties add value and improve each others lifestyles. If you ever feel I am not doing that for you and you want to find better, you are welcome to do so and likewise I will do the same. I also made it clear if my wife ever came in-between my future, I would choose that over her.

She says the main reason why she stays with me is my ambition. Although recently I feel my ambition dying out in favor or spending time with my daughter. She also thinks I'm one of those bad boys that needs to be controlled which she likes. Likely true, but I am trying to be the best man I can be. Being human, we're prone to make mistakes which I have made plenty as well. Luckily nothing yet I haven't been able to recover from. Which is why I believe everyone can change and you still have plenty of time.
You sir are seemingly in a good spot mentally and financially. The cigs is something Ive been doing the past few days out of stress. Ive been trying to curb my ambition a little bit personally. In my experience, ambition is something u can afford if u have the right emotional management structure, otherwise, ambition can kill a man, make him too susceptible to vice. For me, I gotta move slow and steady.

Good on you for keeping the frame w your wife.

Im surprised you are able to stay happy in the burbs in TX but at the same time when u have a wife, kid and good paying job, it must not be too bad. Im not in that boat so the isolation, boredom and ****ty job periods are on the forefront of my experience to some degree. I do have a strategy that if I see through WILL free me but its like a 3 year plan and its tough.
 

AAAgent

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You sir are seemingly in a good spot mentally and financially. The cigs is something Ive been doing the past few days out of stress. Ive been trying to curb my ambition a little bit personally. In my experience, ambition is something u can afford if u have the right emotional management structure, otherwise, ambition can kill a man, make him too susceptible to vice. For me, I gotta move slow and steady.
Ambition is all about structure and energy imho.

Most people lack structure and framework to plan out how to realize their ambition. I unconsciously planned my entire future out for years to help me realize my ambition. Being a fvck up, I obviously didn't have this engrained into me via education. Structure was always something I figured out. Competitive sports and success in sports helped my to translate the training process, skill refinement, etc. over to life. I don't think it's about the speed at all but more about breaking down your goals, into sub goals, and breaking down the sub goals into objectives/milestones. Then you start to plan on how to position yourself to achieve those objectives. No matter how long it takes, as long as the structure and path makes sense, you just continue the grind. That is how I achieved many of my sub goals which brought me much closer to my end goal. I'm very fortunate that my brain was able to figure this out.

You can see an example of how I planned it out in my head. I never really wrote it down but had it memorized but i think it helps to see it for others so i'll outline it here.

Goal - $100m net worth

Sub goal -

A: $10m net worth
B: $1m net worth
C: $100k annual salary

Objectives: to reach sub goal C

- Get a job in NYC
- improve my analytical skills
- improve my english reading and writing skills
- improve my conversation skills

Objectives: to reach sub goal B

- achieve sub goal C
- pay off my debt
- culture myself by visiting other cultures first, second, and 3rd world
- understanding how the world works
- focus on an industry/skill set to specialize in (i chose sales)
- develop leadership and management skills

I obviously had estimated times for when I should realistically be achieving my goals but they never worked out according to plan. I reached majority of the objectives for sub goal C but never actually achieved my goal of having a $100k annual salary until 6 years in. Very demoralizing and i almost gave up many times. Nonetheless, I sucked it up, although being very disappointed and unhappy. Eventually when I reached subgoal C, it wasn't really a celebration and more of a finally got that out of the way. By year 8, all the foundational work I built to achieve sub goal C and the ground work I layed and objectives I completed for sub goal B catapulted me in 2 years to reach $1m. Then I got really close after that and almost snowballed into $10m.

Life has a way of testing you to see if you're worthy of these rewards and achievements. I couldn't tell you how many times I felt hopeless, trapped, and didn't know what to do. Only thing I knew for sure was "I can't just give up and do nothing. The plan makes sense, but there's no guarantee it will get me there. If I don't know a better way, its either keep going or just give up and accept failure forever." , so i just kept pressing forward.
 

AAAgent

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Im surprised you are able to stay happy in the burbs in TX but at the same time when u have a wife, kid and good paying job, it must not be too bad. Im not in that boat so the isolation, boredom and ****ty job periods are on the forefront of my experience to some degree. I do have a strategy that if I see through WILL free me but its like a 3 year plan and its tough.
It's partly cost benefit. You want to fvck around, you will eventually find out, ya know? Is it worth it? Also, innately, don't like to be selfish but selfishness is built into our DNA. When I travel to meet friends and co workers, do I get sh1tfaced and party....yes sometimes. Mistakes happen. But overall, my ambition, my goals, etc. are the focus. Fun is something I throw in there to keep myself sane but within moderation/reason and never a focal point.

So is TX boring? Yes. However, it's a trade off I deem acceptable and within reason. I can change that when necessary.

I do want to add that removing yourself from fast paced environments does help curtail the vices such as drinking. I was getting to the point of drinking almost 2 drinks daily. 3-4 drinks i would consider alcoholic. Moving to more suburban/rural areas definitely slowed down the pace. The only fast pace environment is now what i create for myself in my own remote bubble.
 
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Divorced w 3

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Alcohol, by a margin a mile wide, has taken away more good things from me over the years than it has ever given me back. It ruins health, it seriously disrupts decision making, creates legal risk, etc. Alcohol is generally the best friend of the emotionally unbalanced, the morally weak, the insecure that need a boost, etc.

The peer driven lifestyle around alcohol often creates a snowball effect. One night begets another, and in the blink of an eye everything you held close and were proud of about your personality, character and frame can disappear.

Socially, if I can keep it to two, fine. I generally don’t. My friends are a mix of testosterone driven alcoholics, single guys and married men with kids who still want to hang and live vicariously.
 

AAAgent

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Alcohol, by a margin a mile wide, has taken away more good things from me over the years than it has ever given me back. It ruins health, it seriously disrupts decision making, creates legal risk, etc. Alcohol is generally the best friend of the emotionally unbalanced, the morally weak, the insecure that need a boost, etc.

The peer driven lifestyle around alcohol often creates a snowball effect. One night begets another, and in the blink of an eye everything you held close and were proud of about your personality, character and frame can disappear.

Socially, if I can keep it to two, fine. I generally don’t. My friends are a mix of testosterone driven alcoholics, single guys and married men with kids who still want to hang and live vicariously.
I stopped hanging out with my childhood friends because all they did was drink and party every weekend. Then it got to the point where I was doing it without them in NYC with co-workers and other friends.

Saw the writing on the wall and got out of NYC. Anything in excess is never good. Especially the vices of gambling, drugs, alcohol, and women.
 

JoyDivision1990

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I stopped drinking hard liquor around two years ago. I replaced that addiction with another much more healthy one, working out and eating healthy, fruits, veggies, lean meats, protein shakes.

It literally changed my life, I look younger, feel younger. My sexual stamina and performance improved dramatically too!

Best decision I ever made.
 

Machine10033

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I am pretty sure I have some type of issue. I am very successful, in insane shape, have great hobbies and goals... eat well... sleep well....

But I love wine... i wake up at 4am every day... run, go to work, get home.. work on my golf game... go do my evening workout... finally sit down at 730... and have 2 big glasses a night.

I then fall asleep... and repeat. I never go above that.... and never get completely wasted. I hate liquor and beer... but love red wine. I am sure if I told my doctor that I drink over a bottle most evenings they would have a fit.
 

NoBiscuits

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I stopped hanging out with my childhood friends because all they did was drink and party every weekend. Then it got to the point where I was doing it without them in NYC with co-workers and other friends.
Same. My friends also started getting into hard drugs. They couldn't meet in any room or location sober. If we went somewhere, they would always justify smoking beforehand to make it better. Half the time after smoking, the original idea was forgotten.

It was beneficial to have a community of people tied together in some way, even if it was just partying. But there was a point where I took a look around me at a house party one night still sober while everyone was already drunk and honestly asked myself if this was a good way to spend time. What exactly is "fun" or "exciting" about this anymore? I've already checked out of going to bars. I was around 23 at this time.

I went from a party hard person to straight edge pretty abruptly. Because it was so routine for so many years to bust out the intoxicants upon meeting, I didn't know what to do when I was around other people and neither did my other friends who began leaving that circle too. It took a while.

There really is a point where you cap out on socializing yourself to meet strangers and you can be doing far better things with your time.
 

Divorced w 3

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Looking at this from the perspective of a DJ: If you’re hammered, even once, and there is an altercation in any sense (fight, issues with your girl, whatever) - you’re never going to know for sure what happened that night. What if it ended up being an important incident in your life, relationship , etc? Tough lesson to learn for me but an important one.
 

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AmsterdamAssassin

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Looking at this from the perspective of a DJ: If you’re hammered, even once, and there is an altercation in any sense (fight, issues with your girl, whatever) - you’re never going to know for sure what happened that night. What if it ended up being an important incident in your life, relationship , etc? Tough lesson to learn for me but an important one.
That's one of the reason I don't drink and ride (I don't drive much, but I ride a motorcycle). If something bad happens, I would always wonder how much of a role the alcohol would've played.
 

SpartanWarrior77

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I am pretty sure I have some type of issue. I am very successful, in insane shape, have great hobbies and goals... eat well... sleep well....

But I love wine... i wake up at 4am every day... run, go to work, get home.. work on my golf game... go do my evening workout... finally sit down at 730... and have 2 big glasses a night.

I then fall asleep... and repeat. I never go above that.... and never get completely wasted. I hate liquor and beer... but love red wine. I am sure if I told my doctor that I drink over a bottle most evenings they would have a fit.
Not sure what to think about this one. Depends on the person I guess. Mike Platz famous bodybuilder did the same thing as u during his whole bodybuilding career.
 

obelisk

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I finally realized along the way the past 6 months or so that I need to just not drink. Some of us can simply have a glass and be fine and others of us like the effect of being buzzed or worse and one glass very easily leads to two, then three (especially at home solo if I bring beer or a bottle of wine into the house). Too many days of lost productivity (bounce back is worse and worse the older I get) for zero benefit.

When you sit down and research how truly bad alcohol is for your body, your liver, messes with your hormones etc. then you start to question what truly are your priorities in life. No judging those who drink but for me it is something I try (and occasionally fail) to keep to a minimum.

One benefit of lurking the board for awhile is seeing people talk about how being out and social and not drinking is more accepted these days.
 

Fruitbat

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Been drinking almost every time I go out. Its not too bad but its becoming a bit concerning.

Ive been in the game for 10 years (Im 28) now and I dont enjoy it anymore. Im in a scene where im not meeting the type of chicks I want at all.

Hard to find the ones I like.

In general, I dont really seem to get much dopamine from interacting with women anymore. Im either jaded or just women are not attractive to me (im almost exclusively attracted to foreign women).

Ive been finding myself drinking more because I just dont enjoy going on dates as much. I almost feel like they're more of a chore than anything else.

Kind of a rant but lets shoot the sh1t
Im the same - nearly all my LTR have been foreign. I have a thing for it. They are different and interesting. I find the best western women are usually married young, and what was left in my 30s wasn’t for me.

I had a lot of issues with alcohol too. However, as a young man I found alcohol absolutely vital to meeting new women. 3 drinks and I had the courage to talk to anyone. I has some amazing weekends boozing with women too. Though these were mainly British ones (I’m English).

Alcohol now is a hindrance. I try to reserve it for special occasions. Also; in business, I like having a boozey one with new contacts. You build a bond with a new person quicker when you’ve been drunk with them. As one of my Sikh friends said, “you can’t trust someone if you’ve not had a pint with them”. Clearly he was having a dig at Muslims but I think it’s a cool phrase and somewhat true from our cultural perspective.
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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As one of my Sikh friends said, “you can’t trust someone if you’ve not had a pint with them”. Clearly he was having a dig at Muslims but I think it’s a cool phrase and somewhat true from our cultural perspective.
You can't trust someone until you buried some bodies with them.
 
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