Any advice here would be greatly appreciated

[Nexus Polaris]

Okay, so I haven't posted here in awhile because awhile back I decided to take a break from the game just to work on myself. It's been up and down for the most part, but I guess I've made some progress.

Here's the problem.

The more time away I've taken, the more I've come to realize that fear has controlled my life for way too long on levels extending way beyond just women. A huge roadblock in my success with women and with life in general has been this paralyzing fear I've developed over years and years that stems from getting picked on and beaten up during my growing up years.

It's not even about the women anymore. It's about people in general. It's actually more about other men. I can't look them in the eye when talking to them for fear of looking at them the wrong way and them beating my ass. I was not always this big of a püssy. I have no idea what happened.

And what makes this worse is that I work the door at a bar where I have to deal with confrontation with drunken and belligerent guys, many of which are a lot bigger than me. And even my own co-workers don't have any faith in my ability to handle confrontational situations. It's that obvious.

It's embarassing as hell when ****tail waitresses are handling problems you're getting paid to deal with. I hate it.

And the fact that this scaredy wuss behavior is kryptonite to women isn't even what bothers me most. What bothers me is that I'm tired of being timid and running from everything. I'm sick of being afraid all the time. The quality of my life would vastly improve if I could just grow some damn balls and keep them. Every time I grow some, they're gone the next day.

I've enrolled in martial arts classes, done all kinds of affirmations and other silly mental tricks, and anything else I can think of. But nothing seems to work.

Do any of you guys have any other suggestions as to things that could potentially toughen me up? This is what I need most in my life right now, and until I get this conquered, nothing else is going to get fixed.

 

[dannyegg4575]

You say you've enrolled in martial classes but have you actually attended them?

It's ok to be scared. I dont care who you are or who you say you are, there's a weak little guy deep down inside. And the bully next door is no different. You are not alone.

Lets look at it this way. Were you afraid when you wanted to learn to walk? come on, you didn't have to think about that did you? Did you tell yourself,

"what if I fall and hurt myself if I stand up and start walking?"

It's ok to be scared. What's no ok is to be controlled by it.

Martial arts is good in a sense where it brings equilibrium to your well being. Where there is strength, it teaches you to be calm. Where there is weakness, it teaches you to be strong. That's why it's called self defense. When you deal with a fool that has no sense of direction on his attacks, he leaves himself vulnerable in all directions for the calm mind to attack.

We only fear what we do not know. We are hardwired to wanting to control everything. That's why when we face uncertainties, we are afraid of what will happen next and we are afraid of not knowing how to handle it. But if we will just experiment with the obstacles ahead, we'll see that there really isn't anything to fear. It's our own little mental game that's f>cking us.

Have you ever gone swimming? What was it that prevented you from going into the water? That's right. Drowning. But what if I tell you that the water isn't that shallow and that it's up to your waste? You'll test the waters out and go in wouldn't you? But what if you learn to swim? Suddenly, the deeper end of the pool isn't that scary anymore is it?

 

[WC2]

For starters, no one should have self-confidence as low as you say you do. These kind of people live a stressful life with little time for enjoyment. With that said, I've seen far more depressed men work themselves out of holes all the way to the top. All it takes is a little realization and some action.

When I say realization, I mean realizing what you already have. Think of 5 things that you are good at. Maybe you're smarter than others, maybe you are more talented at certain things, who knows. There's rarely a person who doesn't have something going for them.

Now, realize what you need to improve on. You aren't happy with the way you look or the way your body is shaped? Hit the gym. You're not happy with the fact that you can't look another guy in the eye? Force yourself to stare everyone in the eye that you talk to for a week straight. You are afraid of getting your ass kicked? Get into a fight. But no seriously, approach your fears head on. No more of this evasive action of dodging your fears. You do that and you'll be living in fear the rest of your life. Take them head on now, and sooner than later you will get rid of them.