Any advice for a novice?

[CBBanker05]

Just to let it be known, I am a complete novice when it comes to talking to girls. I'm very shy around most women and just try to be courteous around them.

I work in a bank and there's this very attractive girl who comes in with change orders from the nail salon next to my bank. She knows who I am and we have a pretty good rapport. When I help her in the lobby she smiles and is very friendly.

Its gotten to the point where I just can't stop thinking about her. When I work in the bank's drive-thru I try to see if she's working that day. Every single day that I don't do something about it, I kick myself.

Yesterday, I was helping someone else and went over to my co-worker's desk where she was being helped. She said hi to me without me even looking in her direction. I was shocked that she ackowledged me without even glancing at her.

I spoke to one of my female co-workers about it and she thought it would be a good idea if she went and got her nails done and try to find out some information about her. Already I know her name, where she lives, how old she is and a few other things from being able to look up her account as a bank teller.

Also, I've looked at some of the tips and advice on this website. Its been helpful in boosting my confidence and getting some ideas of how to ask her out.

If anyone here has some good advice please let me know.

Much Apprieciated,
Sean

 

[Bussey]

Well Sean, if you haven't read the Bible then I'd suggest you start there. There is a lot of great ideas, confidence boosters and just great material in general.

You've been so shy around women for so long that now that this girl shows the slightest friendly "Hi" or smile that you've made her into an obsession as you described saying you can't stop thinking of her.

It happens when you have limited female contact, the women who gives it to you becomes immediately facinating and desirable.

Now with that being said, you could simply try saying 'Hey, we should get together after work someday, what's your number?'

Now granted this may be hard to do... and if it comes across as unconfident and shy, she may reject you on that basis. But I'd highly suggest you try to break your shell and talk to as many women as possible. You need to break that fear to advance and be able to do it whenever.

Again, read the bible!

 

[Silkandsteel]

First, don't use a proxy, especially another woman to find out about a woman you're interested in...

Second, don't ever let her know you checked her out ELECTRONICALLY, she needs to know you want to find out about her yourself (as above)

It worries me that a female co-worker would go and get her nails done to find out about a girl on your behalf...I can't decide what aspect of it worries me the most but something about it doesn't fit mate...who is this female co-worker?

Get this helpful co-worker to cover for you next time this lady comes in and speak to her. Get a conversation going and ask for her number. Mentally prepare yourself, but not so much that you work it up into a massive deal when the time is right to do it. Be in control, be comfortable and talk to her. Ask her to go for a drink or something where you can be alone, away from co-workers.

If you're thinking about her all the time, then you've probably prized her a lot by now (she's the big deal to you, not you to her) so you're going to have to try hard to not let that affect how you come across to her when you speak to her or you won't communicate smoothly.

If she's saying hi to you off her own back, then I don't see an issue with you saying hi off your own back. Doesn't sound like she's gonna blow you off for trying to speak to her, even if she's not interested in you, so go for it.

Don't be kicking yourself anymore, at the VERY LEAST you will have made the effort to go and speak to a woman you're (very) interested in and you'll get something out of the experience, even if it's merely a "well, I did it at least" moment for you. Take some confidence from the fact that you tried where many just can't...

She's a woman you think is awesome, not something you should be frightened of, she's not a scary monster, she's an attractive woman.

All the best, I hope it goes great

 

[CBBanker05]

Well Sean, if you haven't read the Bible then I'd suggest you start there. There is a lot of great ideas, confidence boosters and just great material in general.

You've been so shy around women for so long that now that this girl shows the slightest friendly "Hi" or smile that you've made her into an obsession as you described saying you can't stop thinking of her.

It happens when you have limited female contact, the women who gives it to you becomes immediately facinating and desirable.

Now with that being said, you could simply try saying 'Hey, we should get together after work someday, what's your number?'

Now granted this may be hard to do... and if it comes across as unconfident and shy, she may reject you on that basis. But I'd highly suggest you try to break your shell and talk to as many women as possible. You need to break that fear to advance and be able to do it whenever.

Again, read the bible!

I do read the Bible . The hardest part is that I don't know if it would be a good idea to ask her out in front of my co-workers during work or going over to her work and humiliating her in front of her co-workers. I'm not sure how I'll be able to find the right setting or maybe she doesn't mind me asking her out at my workplace.

 

[Bussey]

I do read the Bible . The hardest part is that I don't know if it would be a good idea to ask her out in front of my co-workers during work or going over to her work and humiliating her in front of her co-workers. I'm not sure how I'll be able to find the right setting or maybe she doesn't mind me asking her out at my workplace.

Why is going and talking to her going to humilate her? Your biggest issue is your mindset man. You're way to concerned with the outcome and not concerned enough with the present.

Break your habits of worrying abotu what she might think, what her friends might think, what your coworkers might think.

All that should matter is what YOU think.

 

[CBBanker05]

First, don't use a proxy, especially another woman to find out about a woman you're interested in...

Second, don't ever let her know you checked her out ELECTRONICALLY, she needs to know you want to find out about her yourself (as above)

It worries me that a female co-worker would go and get her nails done to find out about a girl on your behalf...I can't decide what aspect of it worries me the most but something about it doesn't fit mate...who is this female co-worker?

Get this helpful co-worker to cover for you next time this lady comes in and speak to her. Get a conversation going and ask for her number. Mentally prepare yourself, but not so much that you work it up into a massive deal when the time is right to do it. Be in control, be comfortable and talk to her. Ask her to go for a drink or something where you can be alone, away from co-workers.

If you're thinking about her all the time, then you've probably prized her a lot by now (she's the big deal to you, not you to her) so you're going to have to try hard to not let that affect how you come across to her when you speak to her or you won't communicate smoothly.

If she's saying hi to you off her own back, then I don't see an issue with you saying hi off your own back. Doesn't sound like she's gonna blow you off for trying to speak to her, even if she's not interested in you, so go for it.

Don't be kicking yourself anymore, at the VERY LEAST you will have made the effort to go and speak to a woman you're (very) interested in and you'll get something out of the experience, even if it's merely a "well, I did it at least" moment for you. Take some confidence from the fact that you tried where many just can't...

She's a woman you think is awesome, not something you should be frightened of, she's not a scary monster, she's an attractive woman.

All the best, I hope it goes great

Thanks for the info, some good ideas there.

Obviously, I would never tell her that I looked up her info on my teller computer that would suicide. My female co-worker offered to help out, it was her idea. I'll make sure that she doesn't make it obvious.

 

[CBBanker05]

Why is going and talking to her going to humilate her? Your biggest issue is your mindset man. You're way to concerned with the outcome and not concerned enough with the present.

Break your habits of worrying abotu what she might think, what her friends might think, what your coworkers might think.

All that should matter is what YOU think.

Well I don't know if many ladies visit this forum but I could be wrong... if I were a girl and a guy came over to my workplace and asked me out infront of everyone, I'd feel pretty awkward.

 

[Bussey]

Missing the bigger picture on my last post. It wasn't abotu the situation, it was about your attitude towards it.

You're creating in your mind reasons why NOT to approach her, why not to ask her out.

I've asked girls out who work at coffee shops, clothing stores, restaurants. It should matter where they are or what they are doing.

 

[CBBanker05]

I'm going to sleep now. Thanks for all the help there guys. If she comes in tomorrow, I'll try to have a nice conversation with her and go from there.