I've been suffering with a severe case of anxiety for the past few years, and I feel like i've hit rock bottom. Basically, I'm a pretty good looking 23 yr old tall guy, and I've been able to meet over 100 girls online in person despite my anxiety.This has been the only way i've been able to meet women in my life. In public, i get very anxious. symptoms are bad feelin in my stomach, extreme muscle tension around the neck and shoulders when walking or sitting, rapid heartbeat, and I stutter a lot (mainly at work). I work in a corporate setting, so I feel this all day at work, and its really really painful to deal with on a daily basis. I pretty much just keep to myself at work due to all of these symptoms because I stutter a lot at work, so I get labled as shy and quiet all the time. I know that I need to change my life because I cant keep living like this. So far I've commited myself to going to the gym 3 days a week to lift (I'm skinny), and I plan on starting either lucinda bassets program or the overcoming social anxiety program. Theres a few girl that i used to talk to that i would want to date, but i've lost all confidence to even take action. Can you guys please offer some insight into my issues because I've hit absolute rock bottom . Thanks
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Anxiety issues .. help needed!
- Thread starter Dman101
- Start date
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
tsmith2334
Master Don Juan
I've been diagnosed with a anxiety disorder too but it's more mental then social or physical. There have been times in my past where I've suffered from anxiety attacks and once even a nervous breakdown from stress. That being said...
I find confidence in "practicing" my social techniques on strangers. Hell, start with men even. If you see a nice, friendly looking person on the street; smile, nod or say hello.
If you're at a party, say what's up and introduce yourself occasionally... you'd be surprised how many people are inherently friendly and pleasant.
Also, think about characteristics you have that you like. For instance, I like my first name, Tom. I know it's relatively simple and popular, but I just enjoy introducing myself to people as Tom. I feel confident shaking hands and saying "My name is Tom, nice to meet you."
Now, I "practice" on attractive women that I see in public. It's great to try to talk to attractive cashiers. The other day I saw a beautiful cashier wearing shorts at work and I commented that it must be fun to be able to wear shorts on the job. Not the easiest thing to do socially (especially if you have crippling anxiety), but it usually pays off with a smile and a pleasant (albeit brief) conversation.
All this will slowly build your confidence. Trust me
I find confidence in "practicing" my social techniques on strangers. Hell, start with men even. If you see a nice, friendly looking person on the street; smile, nod or say hello.
If you're at a party, say what's up and introduce yourself occasionally... you'd be surprised how many people are inherently friendly and pleasant.
Also, think about characteristics you have that you like. For instance, I like my first name, Tom. I know it's relatively simple and popular, but I just enjoy introducing myself to people as Tom. I feel confident shaking hands and saying "My name is Tom, nice to meet you."
Now, I "practice" on attractive women that I see in public. It's great to try to talk to attractive cashiers. The other day I saw a beautiful cashier wearing shorts at work and I commented that it must be fun to be able to wear shorts on the job. Not the easiest thing to do socially (especially if you have crippling anxiety), but it usually pays off with a smile and a pleasant (albeit brief) conversation.
All this will slowly build your confidence. Trust me
Charlie Gordon
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2006
- Messages
- 53
- Reaction score
- 2
You've identified a major social obstacle: anxiety. It sounds like you deal with a lot of it and that you have even greater problems than breaking the ice. This goes above and beyond the sort of thing we should be trying to help you with.
I'm impressed with the number of women you have met through online dating. You are blessed to be tall and good looking, but you may need to address your anxiety in a context apart from this forum. You could speak to a therapist who would render a professional opinion and direct you to the appropriate resources.
I picture this guy who's destined to be happy and successful, but who has this brick wall in front of him. The DJ bible or whatever they have you read here these days might not be able to touch it. Take care of yourself and best of luck.
I'm impressed with the number of women you have met through online dating. You are blessed to be tall and good looking, but you may need to address your anxiety in a context apart from this forum. You could speak to a therapist who would render a professional opinion and direct you to the appropriate resources.
I picture this guy who's destined to be happy and successful, but who has this brick wall in front of him. The DJ bible or whatever they have you read here these days might not be able to touch it. Take care of yourself and best of luck.
FloridaLurker
Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2008
- Messages
- 25
- Reaction score
- 0
Yeah I suffer from severe anxiety too. But due to my past drug use that I admit to my therapists, they refuse to prescribe me appropriate medication that actually works (Xanax for me).. So I self medicate.. It helps a lot, and I made a rule to myself never to take it more than twice a week. I only take it when I'm in a social setting that has a lot of people I need to interact with. It helps because over the course of a month after I've used it to establish conversations without the anxiety, it built my confidence a lot and I dont have to use it too much anymore to talk to people. Im sure eventually I wont have to rely on it to be well socially, because I really hate having to rely on it.
That being said, see a therapist, and I'm sure theyll give you some medication and/or group therapy that can help you jump start yourself to kick this anxiety out of your system.
That being said, see a therapist, and I'm sure theyll give you some medication and/or group therapy that can help you jump start yourself to kick this anxiety out of your system.
I also have social anxiety. See a therapist (with a plan of getting off the drugs ASAP), keep pushing your boundaries (If your feeling anxious, it's good, you're pushing), internet dating, try to travel, maybe go on an exchange student program, and start weight lifting!
Last edited:
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.