I've been suffering with a severe case of anxiety for the past few years, and I feel like i've hit rock bottom. Basically, I'm a pretty good looking 23 yr old tall guy, and I've been able to meet over 100 girls online in person despite my anxiety.This has been the only way i've been able to meet women in my life. In public, i get very anxious. symptoms are bad feelin in my stomach, extreme muscle tension around the neck and shoulders when walking or sitting, rapid heartbeat, and I stutter a lot (mainly at work). I work in a corporate setting, so I feel this all day at work, and its really really painful to deal with on a daily basis. I pretty much just keep to myself at work due to all of these symptoms because I stutter a lot at work, so I get labled as shy and quiet all the time. I know that I need to change my life because I cant keep living like this. So far I've commited myself to going to the gym 3 days a week to lift (I'm skinny), and I plan on starting either lucinda bassets program or the overcoming social anxiety program. Theres a few girl that i used to talk to that i would want to date, but i've lost all confidence to even take action. Can you guys please offer some insight into my issues because I've hit absolute rock bottom . Thanks
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Anxiety issues .. help needed!
- Thread starter Dman101
- Start date
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
tsmith2334
Master Don Juan
I've been diagnosed with a anxiety disorder too but it's more mental then social or physical. There have been times in my past where I've suffered from anxiety attacks and once even a nervous breakdown from stress. That being said...
I find confidence in "practicing" my social techniques on strangers. Hell, start with men even. If you see a nice, friendly looking person on the street; smile, nod or say hello.
If you're at a party, say what's up and introduce yourself occasionally... you'd be surprised how many people are inherently friendly and pleasant.
Also, think about characteristics you have that you like. For instance, I like my first name, Tom. I know it's relatively simple and popular, but I just enjoy introducing myself to people as Tom. I feel confident shaking hands and saying "My name is Tom, nice to meet you."
Now, I "practice" on attractive women that I see in public. It's great to try to talk to attractive cashiers. The other day I saw a beautiful cashier wearing shorts at work and I commented that it must be fun to be able to wear shorts on the job. Not the easiest thing to do socially (especially if you have crippling anxiety), but it usually pays off with a smile and a pleasant (albeit brief) conversation.
All this will slowly build your confidence. Trust me
I find confidence in "practicing" my social techniques on strangers. Hell, start with men even. If you see a nice, friendly looking person on the street; smile, nod or say hello.
If you're at a party, say what's up and introduce yourself occasionally... you'd be surprised how many people are inherently friendly and pleasant.
Also, think about characteristics you have that you like. For instance, I like my first name, Tom. I know it's relatively simple and popular, but I just enjoy introducing myself to people as Tom. I feel confident shaking hands and saying "My name is Tom, nice to meet you."
Now, I "practice" on attractive women that I see in public. It's great to try to talk to attractive cashiers. The other day I saw a beautiful cashier wearing shorts at work and I commented that it must be fun to be able to wear shorts on the job. Not the easiest thing to do socially (especially if you have crippling anxiety), but it usually pays off with a smile and a pleasant (albeit brief) conversation.
All this will slowly build your confidence. Trust me
Charlie Gordon
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2006
- Messages
- 53
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You've identified a major social obstacle: anxiety. It sounds like you deal with a lot of it and that you have even greater problems than breaking the ice. This goes above and beyond the sort of thing we should be trying to help you with.
I'm impressed with the number of women you have met through online dating. You are blessed to be tall and good looking, but you may need to address your anxiety in a context apart from this forum. You could speak to a therapist who would render a professional opinion and direct you to the appropriate resources.
I picture this guy who's destined to be happy and successful, but who has this brick wall in front of him. The DJ bible or whatever they have you read here these days might not be able to touch it. Take care of yourself and best of luck.
I'm impressed with the number of women you have met through online dating. You are blessed to be tall and good looking, but you may need to address your anxiety in a context apart from this forum. You could speak to a therapist who would render a professional opinion and direct you to the appropriate resources.
I picture this guy who's destined to be happy and successful, but who has this brick wall in front of him. The DJ bible or whatever they have you read here these days might not be able to touch it. Take care of yourself and best of luck.
FloridaLurker
Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2008
- Messages
- 25
- Reaction score
- 0
Yeah I suffer from severe anxiety too. But due to my past drug use that I admit to my therapists, they refuse to prescribe me appropriate medication that actually works (Xanax for me).. So I self medicate.. It helps a lot, and I made a rule to myself never to take it more than twice a week. I only take it when I'm in a social setting that has a lot of people I need to interact with. It helps because over the course of a month after I've used it to establish conversations without the anxiety, it built my confidence a lot and I dont have to use it too much anymore to talk to people. Im sure eventually I wont have to rely on it to be well socially, because I really hate having to rely on it.
That being said, see a therapist, and I'm sure theyll give you some medication and/or group therapy that can help you jump start yourself to kick this anxiety out of your system.
That being said, see a therapist, and I'm sure theyll give you some medication and/or group therapy that can help you jump start yourself to kick this anxiety out of your system.
I also have social anxiety. See a therapist (with a plan of getting off the drugs ASAP), keep pushing your boundaries (If your feeling anxious, it's good, you're pushing), internet dating, try to travel, maybe go on an exchange student program, and start weight lifting!
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"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.