For as long as I can remember I have always had some form of anxiety that revolves around what people think of me and making mistakes/failures/looking stupid. Whether this is biological or whether it is due to being brought up by a man who was a neurotic, short tempered perfectionist, with no patience, I am not sure.
My anxiety seems to be at its peak when I am starting a new job as I fear making mistakes and looking stupid in front of other people. Also I have this fear of offending strangers, so usually I am always very cautious in conversation topics with people I don't know too well, which can make conversation very bland and boring. Speaking with girls can be an issue sometimes, fear of rejection etc..
A lot of people say 'stop caring what other people think and only care about what YOU think of yourself' it makes perfect sense but its easier said than done. I've read so many self help books and topics about this and they all point to the same answer, stepping outside your comfort zone etc. However the anxiety this produces is crippling for me at times, so much so that I won't think straight and my mind goes blank.
A few months ago I was working in a sales job. My job was to cold call clients and try and sell our product. This process generally created a state of real anxiety in me until I finally took a really bad call, and then after that I would get an adrenaline rush and wouldn't give a fvck and my anxiety disappeared. Then I would go for lunch and when I came back after lunch my anxiety of cold calling would be back again. So I could break out of this anxiety/fear of cold calling but it would always return eventually, making every day a rollercoaster of anxiety to a don't give a fvck state of mind, and then back to anxiety always winning in the end. This seems to be how the battle with anxiety works for me in other lif situations. I step out of my comfort zone and face my fears but then its not long before I slip back into anxiety mode.. Perhaps the answer is to be permanently out of my comfort zone? But how does one do that?
Anyway, It was apparent that a lot of the other staff took some form of drugs to cope with the work environment. I'd say about 33% of the sales floor were on drugs. A lot would spoke weed on their breaks, some were taking cocaine every day, some speed and there was also a fair few taking Xanax and diazepam. . I ended up being offered some diazepam and took it. What it feels to take diazepam is how I imagine people without anxiety issues to feel, what it feels to be normal. I was no longer bothered about taking bad calls, I would happily strike up random conversation with strangers, I didn't give a fvck about making mistakes, looking stupid or whether I was dressed well or looked good or bad on any particular day. I felt free and I felt like a normal person no longer plagued by thoughts of inferiority or what other people thought.
After a few weeks of taking diazepam I became more tolerant. I did some research and found out that you can get addicted and that you were only meant to take this medicine as a short term prescription. I immediately stopped taking them. Fast forward and the anxiety issues are back.
I have been to my doctor in the past about my anxiety and she just gave me a book to read, which was helpful but didn't help me too much.
Perhaps I need to go and see a doc again to find an answer to this. All I want is to feel normal and not have anxiety stopping me get on with my life. I don't even care too much about women at the moment. I just want to get anxiety issues sorted and then women will probably come naturally.
Anyone else been through anything similar? If so did you find a solution be it medication or self help?
My anxiety seems to be at its peak when I am starting a new job as I fear making mistakes and looking stupid in front of other people. Also I have this fear of offending strangers, so usually I am always very cautious in conversation topics with people I don't know too well, which can make conversation very bland and boring. Speaking with girls can be an issue sometimes, fear of rejection etc..
A lot of people say 'stop caring what other people think and only care about what YOU think of yourself' it makes perfect sense but its easier said than done. I've read so many self help books and topics about this and they all point to the same answer, stepping outside your comfort zone etc. However the anxiety this produces is crippling for me at times, so much so that I won't think straight and my mind goes blank.
A few months ago I was working in a sales job. My job was to cold call clients and try and sell our product. This process generally created a state of real anxiety in me until I finally took a really bad call, and then after that I would get an adrenaline rush and wouldn't give a fvck and my anxiety disappeared. Then I would go for lunch and when I came back after lunch my anxiety of cold calling would be back again. So I could break out of this anxiety/fear of cold calling but it would always return eventually, making every day a rollercoaster of anxiety to a don't give a fvck state of mind, and then back to anxiety always winning in the end. This seems to be how the battle with anxiety works for me in other lif situations. I step out of my comfort zone and face my fears but then its not long before I slip back into anxiety mode.. Perhaps the answer is to be permanently out of my comfort zone? But how does one do that?
Anyway, It was apparent that a lot of the other staff took some form of drugs to cope with the work environment. I'd say about 33% of the sales floor were on drugs. A lot would spoke weed on their breaks, some were taking cocaine every day, some speed and there was also a fair few taking Xanax and diazepam. . I ended up being offered some diazepam and took it. What it feels to take diazepam is how I imagine people without anxiety issues to feel, what it feels to be normal. I was no longer bothered about taking bad calls, I would happily strike up random conversation with strangers, I didn't give a fvck about making mistakes, looking stupid or whether I was dressed well or looked good or bad on any particular day. I felt free and I felt like a normal person no longer plagued by thoughts of inferiority or what other people thought.
After a few weeks of taking diazepam I became more tolerant. I did some research and found out that you can get addicted and that you were only meant to take this medicine as a short term prescription. I immediately stopped taking them. Fast forward and the anxiety issues are back.
I have been to my doctor in the past about my anxiety and she just gave me a book to read, which was helpful but didn't help me too much.
Perhaps I need to go and see a doc again to find an answer to this. All I want is to feel normal and not have anxiety stopping me get on with my life. I don't even care too much about women at the moment. I just want to get anxiety issues sorted and then women will probably come naturally.
Anyone else been through anything similar? If so did you find a solution be it medication or self help?
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