cordoncordon
Master Don Juan
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Make sure you don't. It will drive her crazy though lol. Not that you should care.
"The Kiss of Death Mistake"
You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?
Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.
One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.
Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Another update on the "need advice" topic from below!
- Thread starter PTC
- Start date
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
PTC said:
Strike one: you read her email. Strike two: you didn't block her. You are toast. If you read these emails it's a certainty that you will be drawn in again. It is only a matter of time, a short period of time, before you engage her. This is precisely what I meant by you being the Passive participant here. The reality is that you still crave her contact and have an investment in the drama you two create. You aren't done with her. It's clear that you are just as dysfunctional as she is, and are equally responsible for perpetuating this mess, this slow motion train wreck. I see dishonesty all around. With all due respect, the value of this board for you is that it has been a place to vent, blow off steam, rest between episodes, and a way for you to relive the back and forth drama you have ongoing as a matter of course with this woman. I don't think you're remotely ready to embrace the advice being offered here. Sorry to be so blunt.
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MacAvoy
Banned
This is the best advice. Don't even read the emails, who cares, by reading them, your looking for either validation that you made the correct choice, however you'll get over her even faster if you totally block her from entering your mental/emotional mindset.persistent exaction said:
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
He'll cave, unless he initiates some new options and soon. It's the chemical rush from the drama that's addictive; that endorphine-adrenaline fight or flight rush that needs to kick in to get that same thrill. He's reading the email and being voyueristic to restimulate it.
ROB, you need to take evry card, every note, every IM or email you ever saved, every ƒucking stuffed animal she ever gave you, every photo, every love song compilation CD, anything and everything that has her taint on it and THROW IT THE FUKK AWAY! Put it in a cardboard box and chuck it in the dumpster behind the nearest liquor store. Change your phone number (again) and get a new email address. So long as you're titilated by her frustration, so long as you're amused with the reaction you're getting from her - you haven't gotten over her.
The opposite of love isn't hate. The opposite of love is indifference. You need to make yourself indifferent to her.
ROB, you need to take evry card, every note, every IM or email you ever saved, every ƒucking stuffed animal she ever gave you, every photo, every love song compilation CD, anything and everything that has her taint on it and THROW IT THE FUKK AWAY! Put it in a cardboard box and chuck it in the dumpster behind the nearest liquor store. Change your phone number (again) and get a new email address. So long as you're titilated by her frustration, so long as you're amused with the reaction you're getting from her - you haven't gotten over her.
The opposite of love isn't hate. The opposite of love is indifference. You need to make yourself indifferent to her.
squirrels
Master Don Juan
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Hear hear. Thread over. Lock.Rollo Tomassi said:
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
I did that last night. I took everything that hd anything to do with her and threw it away! I even put my house on the market yesterday.Rollo Tomassi said:
And I'm not going to cave! Just because I read her emails doesn't mean I am going to cave in. I know the best thing is no contact and I wanna get on with my life,...and today is the first day of the rest of it. I am weak in some ways but I have my breaking points like everyone else. But I also have my pride and my self esteem(Rollo) that i need to regain. This chick broke me down as low as I could go so now its just "baby steps" back to the top!!
Last night I actually felt a blanket of relief and it felt good
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
:yes: I couldn't agree more.Rollo Tomassi said:
KontrollerX
Master Don Juan
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Her email confirms that you got to her PTC and are now the winner of this sorry mess.
However what persistent exaction said about you getting caught up in re-living the drama is true.
Just delete the email address now or something. You've won and you need to disconnect or she will only draw you back in and because of the way you've treated her she'll take massive vengeance meaning once the two of you are back together she'll act sweeter and better than ever for a little while just long enough to make you believe in her then she will cheat on and betray you in the most brutal gut wrenching way you can possibly imagine when things with you and her are at their peak and when you least expect it.
However what persistent exaction said about you getting caught up in re-living the drama is true.
Just delete the email address now or something. You've won and you need to disconnect or she will only draw you back in and because of the way you've treated her she'll take massive vengeance meaning once the two of you are back together she'll act sweeter and better than ever for a little while just long enough to make you believe in her then she will cheat on and betray you in the most brutal gut wrenching way you can possibly imagine when things with you and her are at their peak and when you least expect it.
she's calling you a liar because she is desperately trying to drag you down to her level.PTC said:
you took the high road. she doesnt like it. so she is going to now accuse you of ever dirty little thing she can think.
even if they make no sense, she doesn't care. her ENTIRE purpose from this point moving forward is to get you to STOP thinking rationally and START thinking emotionally.
the ONLY thing she does NOT want is for you remain calm and unemotional.
if she can get you rilled up enough then she can work you with her standard tactics. basically, get you rilled up big time, then apologize and tell you how much she loves you - basically get to play captain save a ho.
remember, she rules emotion, you rule reason, if you start playing by her rules (reason) you will lose.
fyi, im glad you didnt respond, that was the REASONABLE course of action
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
i should add as well - the reason she is accusing you of cheating is becuase generally speaking thats an accusation that peopel feel the need to respond to.
and all she wants to do is reopen the lines of communication.
so by accusing you of something like that - being a cheater, being a liar - she is turning herself in to the victim while simultaneously attacking you in such a way as you feel you ahve to respond.
the absolute best thing to do is NOT react to her words. you are threw with her and what she thinks no longer matters to you.
and all she wants to do is reopen the lines of communication.
so by accusing you of something like that - being a cheater, being a liar - she is turning herself in to the victim while simultaneously attacking you in such a way as you feel you ahve to respond.
the absolute best thing to do is NOT react to her words. you are threw with her and what she thinks no longer matters to you.
PTC, with regard to the opinion others have that you will contact her.
the KEY to avoiding that is that you have to truly see her as a toxic person. you have to truly understand that just about anything she says from this point forward is a TACTIC.
at this stage you WILL NOT get the truth from about anything. not her feelings, not why she did what she did, NOTHING. everything from this point forward is going to be about manipulating you - dragging you back in so that she can later crush you emotionally.
you really should stop reading the emails and what not, because she's just going to keep saying different things until she finds one of your buttons and you respond.
you are on your own now bud. she is NOT a resource of support for anything. period.
the KEY to avoiding that is that you have to truly see her as a toxic person. you have to truly understand that just about anything she says from this point forward is a TACTIC.
at this stage you WILL NOT get the truth from about anything. not her feelings, not why she did what she did, NOTHING. everything from this point forward is going to be about manipulating you - dragging you back in so that she can later crush you emotionally.
you really should stop reading the emails and what not, because she's just going to keep saying different things until she finds one of your buttons and you respond.
you are on your own now bud. she is NOT a resource of support for anything. period.
So true joekerr31,...so true.
I know i need to quit readding her emails but I'm just curious to see how far she goes.
She did send me another after that one that read:
"I know u 2 have been talkin. Dont blow smoke up my a ss! But thats fine. It doesnt matter anymore. Have a nice life."
I just laughed at that one.
I know there will be days that I will still hurt over this. You spend almost 2 years with someone almost everyday,.. your going to feel something. I am human,...i'm just glad this board and you guys are here, even though it took a while for everything you said to soak in!! :crazy:
Thanks again and I will continue to give updates!
I know i need to quit readding her emails but I'm just curious to see how far she goes.
She did send me another after that one that read:
"I know u 2 have been talkin. Dont blow smoke up my a ss! But thats fine. It doesnt matter anymore. Have a nice life."
I just laughed at that one.
I know there will be days that I will still hurt over this. You spend almost 2 years with someone almost everyday,.. your going to feel something. I am human,...i'm just glad this board and you guys are here, even though it took a while for everything you said to soak in!! :crazy:
Thanks again and I will continue to give updates!
jophil28
Master Don Juan
Hmmm ! I have been in your position ( most of us have ) and deep down there is a part of you that is hoping that your " making a stand" will act like a nuclear blast inside her and that she will be transformed into the woman who "really " loves you. This is magical thinking. She is mentally ill and cannot love anyone. She only "loves" her own whims and wants . Notice that I did not say that she can only love 'herself'. SHe is truly incapable of that.PTC said:
She has the emotional development of a selfish child who has no scruples ..
Get ready for the "hoovering " campaign. This typically takes the form of some snivelling sentimental crap by her which is designed to tug at your heart strings and draw you back in. IF you re-connect with her after that she will dump YOUR a$$ a week later to regain her illusion of lost power...
The only way forward is NO CONTACT - any willingness by you to "talk about it " will be seen by her as a victory for her. If she has one victory she will try for another until she is back in control. THis stuff is foreign to the male mind, but these "women" do this as a life strategy
She does not love you , she used you, she exploited you and she emotionally abused you. It is what she does, LIke a crocodile bites its victim !
These women are the worst examples of a how crap women behave.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Dude...you are 41. You have a little girl. And a woman that was cheating on you and care nothing about you.PTC said:
And you still talking and acting hurt? WTF is wrong with you?
I am willing to match Rollo's $10 and agree with him. I have NO doubt about that.
You will notice that my only reply was "Pathetic". The reason was because I KNEW you were the same person that created that other thread. Your writing style and story gave you up.
Hey...you want her back. And that's fine. After all...if you get her back it will show TWO things:
1- You are an AFC
and
2- A terrible father
PATHETIC! You are going to put the house in the market because you cannot get away from an ex-fiance? You are going to change your little daughter's world...because you cannot be man enough to move on and live life?PTC said:I did that last night. I took everything that hd anything to do with her and threw it away! I even put my house on the market yesterday.
And I'm not going to cave! Just because I read her emails doesn't mean I am going to cave in. I know the best thing is no contact and I wanna get on with my life,...and today is the first day of the rest of it. I am weak in some ways but I have my breaking points like everyone else. But I also have my pride and my self esteem(Rollo) that i need to regain. This chick broke me down as low as I could go so now its just "baby steps" back to the top!!
Last night I actually felt a blanket of relief and it felt good
What's going to be next? Next time you meet another woman and thing does not work? Would putting the house on the market again (and changing once again your little girl's world) be the solution?
For Christ sake!
jophil28
Master Don Juan
Do not open her emails - when you see her address in your INBox, hit DELETE.PTC said:
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.