Another nice guy

[TheNastyAfrican]

I saw this in my newspaper's advice column this morning. It's another example of the struggle of nice guys.

Dear Carolyn:
I met the king of the nice guys recently and started dating him. He is sweet and kind and sensitive; you get the idea.He remembers even the smallest of details about me and never stops surprising me with flowers or cards. He has made himself totally available to me and seems to be hiding nothing.

So why, then, am I not attracted to him? Why would I rather be with a jerk who treats me like he couldn't care less, is evasive as hell, hardly ever keeps his word, or is always too busy doing something else? I like him so much and I've even been praying to be more attracted to him, but what gives? Why can't I like him the way I do the men I should hate? - D.C.

Dear. D.C.:
Look at it this way. If you did like this guy, people would accuse you of falling for the first guy who was nice to you.

I realize it's axiomatic that women aren't attracted to nice guys, but that doesn't mean you aren't. Could be you're just not attracted to this nice guy.

You could also be acting on a number of common, mistaken impressions - confusing danger with chemistry, for example, or crushes with lasting attraction. Or, confusing the desire for a mate with being mature enough for one. You could be confusing "sweet and kind and sensitive" with "dry toast."

The only answer is time. Give nice guys time so you can see if sparks develop - since sparks are essential, but not always there at first sight. Give yourself time to get to know people slowly, or just to grow up; mature women aren't the ones tempted by jerks.

If there's a trick to it - and how can there be, with something so complex as feelings - it's in distinguishing actual promise from wishful thinking and false hopes.

Promise is when you're excited to talk to a guy when he calls; an intellectual connection can grow into a physical buzz.

 

[Tomatoes]

It makes no sense.....however it is very true. I should know. I was arguing with my friends last night about if when you want to keep a girl intrested you need to not ring her and act like you dont care to an extent. They argued that it was a load of **** and you should be nice. I then brought up a small pissing contest in the fact that I have slept with more girls this year than all of them put together. Thats before i found a great gf. They went quiet on that one.

Makes no sense but its the way things are. Women like a challenge. They like to have to work for acknoledgement.

 

[Rovalier]

What Carolyn is trying to say in her excess of padding and drival is she does not really know why. You cannot force yourself to be attracted to someone over "time". The DJ answer is that this "King of Nice Guys" is not a very masculine man. End of story.

 

[szof]

Like Milton's 'fawning' Satan, the smooth flatterer crawls on his belly, twisting and turning with changing circumstance. He is purely reactive, a parody of femininity, each word and deed a cloying mime of the ruler's desire.

From Camille Paglia, Sexual Personae 143.

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

Give nice guys time so you can see if sparks develop

Attraction happens quickly. It may take time for it to develop into lasting love or other things, but that chemistry has to be ever-present. It doesn't "occur" over time. You don't wake up one morning and say "you know what, I am really attracted to this guy/girl!"

The people who give advice on these kinds of columns should really be introduced to the community so they can give advice that works.

 

[Docs]

You don't wake up one morning and say "you know what, I am really attracted to this guy/girl!"

Unless she's right beside you. (poor me -_-, I had to leave too)