Another Lady asking for advice

[kathy]

Hello all. I came to this sight to check out the male insight of things after the recent visit from some of your members to LS. I am a member there but rarely post. I came here only to see if I could get some answers from a mans POV. Nothing else, Nothing more. And I will probably never post here again. I feel Im your old fashioned girl, gives her all, would never cheat, doesnt like games kind of person. My last relationship(if I can even call it that) was with the DJ type. I give him props as he's very good at it. I was never before introduced to these and yes the attraction for me was absolutely crazy. My question is... Is it ever possible to win someone like this heart? I mean what as a woman do I need to know in the future? Im sorry Im having a hard time verbalizing my question and hope you understand. I love this guy alot but it doesnt seem to matter too much

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Will you marry me?

 

[jophil28]

I love this guy alot but it doesnt seem to matter too much

Are you asking us for tips on how to get him to be more attracted to you and be more committed to your relationship OR are you wanting to know how to act/be in a future relationship with a DJ type?

You talk about your "last relationship with a DJ" and then you talk about what you need to do in the future... ????

 

[kathy]

Thanks I was hoping I wouldnt get flamed right off the bat. Seriously is it ever possible to have a LTR with someone like this or is it pretty much impossible?

 

[Latinoman]

This is how I define a REAL DJ. A DJ is a man that is not ashame of his masculinity. He works to enhance himself. He works on his career, intellect, health, fitness, etc. And because of that...his life does not revolve around women. In fact, women are a by-product of his success. A REAL DJ won't lie to do to get into your pants. He does not have too. You will recognize he is a unique man and might be willing to be with him, regardless of some imperfections (e.g. maybe he is a philanderer, or maybe he might be lack a six pack, or maybe he does not call you everyday, or maybe he is not afraid to express his opinion).

Do NOT confuse a PUA (e.g. pick up artist) with a DJ. A PUA for the most part rely on lines or perceptions to get a woman interested. Consequently, they are not good in relations...because they cannot hold a woman interest for a long period of time.

While a DJ...understands PUA principles...and might apply some just to get a woman interested...but will go back to his regular DJism and confidence (which is not fake).

To answer your question: A LOT of DJs are married. Some are divorced. And others are in LTR, but not married. Others might have several women in their lives. Some DJs are faithful to their wives, consequently, yes, you can win his heart.

If he is MATURE enough and don't fail to recognize when he has something good in front of him...you might.

But if you are dealing with a PUA...you might as well forget it. As most PUAs lives relies on b.s. and lies anyhow. I know...I used to be a VERY good one.

Don't confuse the two.

 

[kathy]

Are you asking us for tips on how to get him to be more attracted to you and be more committed to your relationship OR are you wanting to know how to act/be in a future relationship with a DJ type?

Well he is/was in another relationship and we are not together now. Im having a awfully hard time getting over him, but Im trying. As a middle aged woman back in the dating world Im finding there are more and more of the DJ type. Any tips from either perspective would be welcome.

 

[KarmaSutra]

In essence you're the proverbial "hooker with the heart of gold".

You want a man who is strong in character, mental fortitude and testicularly confident and want him to commit to you.

Quite the conundrum and there is no easy answer.

You need to become grounded in the best woman you can be. As daring and strong willed, yet charitable and giving but not a pushover. A man of worth will then seek YOU out.

It may not come tomorrow or ten years from now but if you exude your best, your most confident energy, your electromagnetic field will pull in that same energy.

Please realize that there are no "soul mates". This is a fallacy which Disney and Dr. Phil promote. It's a lie. Relationships thrive and then die. It's the cycle of life. Once you realize this and you're comfortable with it, you'll be open to a clear reality.

 

[kathy]

I have to agree with everything you said Karma. (except the hooker part!)

 

[Latinoman]

Kathy...make sure you add your age in your profile. Mature Forum rules. We don't want your thread to be deleted.

 

[Phyzzle]

Short answer: yes, though it may not be with you.

Realistically, men place far more emphasis on appearance than women; you know this. You could do everything right, and have a deep, spritual connection with him. But if there is a 30 year old somewhere in decent shape who likes him, gets along with him, and treats him well enough, then that's that for his romantic interest in you.

 

[kathy]

Short answer: yes, though it may not be with you.

Realistically, men place far more emphasis on appearance than women; you know this. You could do everything right, and have a deep, spritual connection with him. But if there is a 30 year old somewhere in decent shape who likes him, gets along with him, and treats him well enough, then that's that for his romantic interest in you.

But there will always be someone else better looking. And are you saying that us "older" women will always take a back seat to a younger one?

 

[Phyzzle]

And are you saying that us "older" women will always take a back seat to a younger one?

Yes, I'm afraid so.

 

[KarmaSutra]

But there will always be someone else better looking. And are you saying that us "older" women will always take a back seat to a younger one?

Absolutely not. This is where your confidence and experience will outshine her tight skin and ass.

Older women have a seductive allure, like an aged cigar and a bottle of Gentleman Jack.

Damnit, headed to the humidor! Be back after a smoke and a shot!

 

[Warrior74]

Some of these young aspiring djs could probably do with dating an older woman for a while.

personally I would rather have a woman around my own age who is intelligent, sexy and interesting than some 23 year old who is really hot and vapid. Now if all things were equal between them, then yes. I'd go with both of them.

 

[jophil28]

Well he is/was in another relationship and we are not together now. Im having a awfully hard time getting over him, but Im trying. As a middle aged woman back in the dating world Im finding there are more and more of the DJ type. Any tips from either perspective would be welcome.

DO you really mean DJ, or is he merely a 'player' and a challenge to you? Do you want him back only because you cant have him OR is he truly a man of VALUE ? Please don't tell me that you reealy loooooove him...and he is your soulmate.

You said that there are more and more of the DJ type on the dating scene...hmmm- I doubt it .... you see, WE know what being a DJ means but do you?. The vast majority of single AGAIN guys that I talk to out there are clueless wimps still acting like lost puppies looking for pvssy from any women at any price.

However the advice from Latino and Karma Sutra was sound.

 

[logic1]

I think your question needs more details. What is your interpetation of the DJ type?

I think if he was the type of man that the people on the MM forum consider a DJ you might not be confused. You would know his intentions from the start or have a general idea about it.

Give these guys some more info and I think they could give you some good insight.

 

[kathy]

Ok not sure if you would consider him a DJ or a player, definetly not PUA. He is a mature man, divorced. His mentality is his way or the highway. He answers to no one. He knows how to create attraction and sexual tension. He goes MIA whenever he wants. Doesnt always call or show up. Definetly knows what he's doing in the bedroom and usually has more than one girl on the line

 

[KarmaSutra]

Ok not sure if you would consider him a DJ or a player, definetly not PUA. He is a mature man, divorced. His mentality is his way or the highway. He answers to no one. He knows how to create attraction and sexual tension. He goes MIA whenever he wants. Doesnt always call or show up. Definetly knows what he's doing in the bedroom and usually has more than one girl on the line

= Don Juan.

And a well schooled one too.

 

[jophil28]

But there will always be someone else better looking. And are you saying that us "older" women will always take a back seat to a younger one?

Older women will always take a back seat to younger women UNLESS she truly understands the concept of VALUE plus ATTRACTIVENESS.

The vast majority of women of all ages believe that TRICKs and GAMES are the way - so we get older women who spend $200 on a hair-do and a pushup bra but are still overweight, smoke, drink too much, play stupid teenage games of "hard to get" at age 40, read 3000 self help books written by women or liberal wussy experts with a questionable PhD and get NOWHERE.

IT all does not work and she ultimately winds up alone and confused and bitter ,or dating some obedient puppy dog who provides her with the illusion of control and "security", but all the while feeling empty and bored and whining about "no good men" .

The principles of getting a good man is exactly the same as getting a good women . BE the best that YOU can be FIRST and then trust 'the process' to deliver.

 

[Latinoman]

But there will always be someone else better looking. And are you saying that us "older" women will always take a back seat to a younger one?

Let's say...he is 60. If he is 60...you are ALREADY younger in relative terms.

But if he is 45. I would have to say that if he finds a woman that is 35 and that meets his minimum requirements...he will choose that woman over you. Assuming you meet the SAME minimum requirements.

Assuming he is a DJ.

If he is 50...and you are 50. That's a toss up.

It depends what he wants in life. But the likelihood is that he will try for younger. I am talking in general terms here.