Another girlfriend stealing thread

[CoolBlue]

Hi! I've been reading all the girlfriend stealing threads here and there are so many conflicting opinions. I would like to hear more opinions, especially for people who have done it and would share their experience on whether they would do it again if they can.

My story here: Girl with AFC boyfriend. Girl obviously interested in me, goes out with me. BF is a chump and lets her go out with anybody. I most probably will be able to steal this, but I want to know whether it's a good idea.

Concerns:
- Can I get her to be LTR material?
- "If she leaves him she'll leave you too"
- Girl may be an attention ***** who just wants as much male attention as possible.

Comments please guys.

 

[Tesl]

My first two LTRs were with girls who broke up with their boyfriends to be with me instead. I've no moral issues with "stealing" a girl from another guy, clearly neither were all that happy in the first place.

Ideally you would want to pick a girl that doesn't have a boyfriend already, just to keep things simple (especially if you are likely to see this guy more in the future). But I don't think that should necessarily stop you.

 

[SandHawk]

I don't necessarily see this is girlfriend "stealing". Because in the cases you're actually "hijacking" someone's girlfriend, you are having someone who is unhappy fall for you. You're not going to ruin someone's relationship if they're completely happy with their situation. Yes, perhaps you are pointing out flaws she never noticed before, who knows.

However, there are a few drawbacks to this. You might end up with a clingy girl who's incapable of being alone, who's gonna hop to another guy soon after or she might just cheat on him with you and never break up. So if you're interested in an LTR, be careful, you might get hurt.

 

[Kailex]

Got yourself a real branch swinger there.

I hope you always pass the active test, because as soon as you get comfortable with this girl in this "LTR"... she's going to do the same to you.

Read my signature and look that up. It WILL happen.

How do I know... this post means that right now she is your only option. Know how I know that?

You didn't ask us whether she'd be DTF... you asked if she could be LTR material. You're not talking about sex, you're talking about a relationship, which means that you are already placing a girl willing to cheat on her own LTR... on a pedestal.

Not only that, but if you were going out with other single girls, you wouldn't even be considering this scenario.

I hope your inner game is REALLY strong. You are going to need it.
Right now she sees only the good things about you and the things her BF isn't.

What happens in 3 months once she begins to see your flaws?

Good luck with this.

 

[CoolBlue]

Oh I'm certainly aware of all those things. That's why I'm posing the questions here before making this decision.

Yeah but biggest worry is that there is no point getting her as she will leave me anytime. That's why I am asking for past experiences here to see if anybody has this worked out.

Anyway I do have other options, just that the other options aren't as attractive as her. Just a guy thing we want the hottest chick we can get.

As for the LTR thing, yea I'm asking to see if it's possible. If not I'll just go for messing around with her. No loss there.

I'm probably going to do this just to get it out of my system. So what will be the best way to go about it? Do I make it clear I want her to break up with her BF before moving in (seems like the right thing to do, but a little ***** footing though) or do I just take it and leave her BF eating dust?

 

[Kailex]

I don't know man. Something about this just doesn't FEEL right.

If it were just for the sex and you were ABSOLUTELY sure that you'd feel no remorse about it and that you wouldn't be thinking LONG TERM about it, I'd say: Go for it.

But right now you're mindset is that you want to make an LTR out of a cheating girl. Even if you try to convince yourself otherwise, the fact that you mentioned it... means that you've contemplated this notion. That can be VERY dangerous.

Oh I'm certainly aware of all those things. That's why I'm posing the questions here before making this decision.

I'm probably going to do this just to get it out of my system.

I don't get it, then why ask if you should or shouldn't. Are you sure you want to get this out of your system? What happens if you like her and then you can't get her out of your system? Are you ready to make a oneitis post in a few weeks/months?

Yeah but biggest worry is that there is no point getting her as she will leave me anytime. That's why I am asking for past experiences here to see if anybody has this worked out.

That's why I said before, if it's all about JUST sex, then go for it. At SOME point of their lives, I can guarantee that ALMOST all women are certified branch swingers. Sometimes you know about it, sometimes you don't. But it seems like you are already jumping the building blocks of a relationship from shooting from "Chick who cheats on chump to be with me" to "Girlfriend and maybe future wife" all in one shot.

Anyway I do have other options, just that the other options aren't as attractive as her. Just a guy thing we want the hottest chick we can get.

I'll take the LESS emotional baggage anyday. She's already going to come with a huge question mark on her forehead. Once she starts going out and you are left wondering: Is she doing it to ME... now?

And to clarify your statement... yes, we do want the hottest chick... but it's a sexual impulse... not an LTR impulse. Remember that.

As for the LTR thing, yea I'm asking to see if it's possible. If not I'll just go for messing around with her. No loss there.

Just don't be the one who gets messed with.

So what will be the best way to go about it? Do I make it clear I want her to break up with her BF before moving in (seems like the right thing to do, but a little ***** footing though) or do I just take it and leave her BF eating dust?

That's funny. You're talking about the "right thing to do" when it comes to making a girl cheat.

If you're going to take it... just take it.

There's no way you can try to come in here with a straight face and say you want to swing a girl over to you and then say that the right thing to do is to demand that she drops the AFC for you.


Like I said again, be careful... this situation spells danger for you.

 

[CoolBlue]

Well this brings me to another question. How do you guys choose your GFs?

Do you pick a less hot girl who you are sure won't cheat on you? Or do you pick the hotter girl with some risk that she might cheat on you?

Because the way I see it, NO ONE can be trusted. A hot girl trustable girl is an oxymoron. Hot girls get hit on all the time, and the moment someone better comes along she's gone.

That's why some will settle for the less attractive girls. You are sure that these girls aren't going to be attracting as much male attention and that she wouldn't be able to do better than you. That's why you trust her. This does not mean they aren't as much of a ***** as the hot ones. You can find a fat ugly and the absolute nicest girl that you know to be your gf, but if a young Brad Pitt comes along and wants to steal your gf for some crazy reason, she's gone. The crux to keeping the girl is to stay the best guy that she can attract.

So right now you're saying that we should be building a relationship based on the fact that your girl can't attract better guys than you. And that makes her wifey material. To ensure you're safe you'll pick someone less hot and less hit on by attractive guys. I dunno that doesn't sound too good to me.

If I settle for my other options, trying to move up to more attractive girls who I know I can get but might not be able to keep will always be at the back of my mind. The girl will keep me sated, but not satisfied. I don't think that's a good basis for a relationship either.

Maybe I really just need to do this to get it out of my system and get owned. Then I might get more practical and be happier with the less attractive chicks I can keep and stop thinking about the hot ones.

When I say "right" thing to do, I meant the best way to do it, not the morally right thing to do. Am I really making her cheat? If I demand that she breaks up first before I move in then that isn't really cheating is it? It's kinda like another company offering you double salary to come to work for them. You then give notice to your boss and he says there's no way he can afford to pay you that amount. So you serve out your notice time and tie up the loose ends in your company before moving on to your new one. I think that's better than you poaching staff directly and one day your boss comes to the office and realize that no one showed up because they are working at twice the pay at a new company now.

I would also like to add that girls moving up isn't new to me. I have seen many of my friends dump their old bfs to move up. Usually what happens is that they chose a funny and fun guy or a chump who will pay for everything and let her have her way at age 18-19. 4 years of maturation later their thinking changes and they start looking for guys with better criteria. Some straight up dump their old bfs and put themselves in the market, some still hold on to the branch waiting for another to come before swinging and others are still stringing their ex-bfs along making them think they have chance to get back at her when she's already with a new guy. This absolutely disgusts me yes, but you have to accept that most hot girls have done something along these lines. So are you saying hot girls with previous relationships can never be wifey material?

 

[Iceberg]

Well this brings me to another question. How do you guys choose your GFs?

Do you pick a less hot girl who you are sure won't cheat on you? Or do you pick the hotter girl with some risk that she might cheat on you?

I choose girlfriends by whether or not they're compatible with me. Not whether she's likely to cheat.

I don't really see a correlation between hotness and and promiscuity. I mean, yeah, the hot chick has more options, but any girl who I'd make my "official" GF isn't gonna be the type to f**k around on me.

You seem to equate hotness to cheating. If I had to look back on all the girls I've known, I'd say that the less attractive ones were the most promiscuous.

Because the way I see it, NO ONE can be trusted. A hot girl trustable girl is an oxymoron. Hot girls get hit on all the time, and the moment someone better comes along she's gone.

Honestly, it just seems like you're paranoid. If this hypothetical hot chick has agreed to make you her BF, then she's already rejected all these hypothetical suitors and chosen YOU over them.

That's why some will settle for the less attractive girls. You are sure that these girls aren't going to be attracting as much male attention and that she wouldn't be able to do better than you. That's why you trust her.

I'm sure you're a great guy and all, but your hypothesis reeks of low self esteem. Have you been cheated on?

Most of my friends who "settle" for less attractive girls do it because they don't believe they can get a girl of a higher status. It has nothing to do with security from cheating...it's more about these guys not wanting to put the effort to get a better girl. Fear of rejection, etc. No one says, "Oh I'm gonna settle for the less-attractive girl because she won't cheat." If that's your mentality, then you wake up every morning believing that you CAN get hotter women, but you "settled" for a less attractive girl for security. You can't have a functioning relationship with that mindset. Hell, YOU'D end up cheating with the first hot piece of azz that's available.

So right now you're saying that we should be building a relationship based on the fact that your girl can't attract better guys than you. And that makes her wifey material. To ensure you're safe you'll pick someone less hot and less hit on by attractive guys. I dunno that doesn't sound too good to me.

Jesus Christ. Where did he say that? You're scaring the crap out of me, dude. He just said that he'd choose less emotional baggage over more hotness. Which makes sense. How much good does hotness do you once you've already banged her, and now you gotta deal with this clingy, relationship-needy woman 24/7?

Maybe I really just need to do this to get it out of my system and get owned. Then I might get more practical and be happier with the less attractive chicks I can keep and stop thinking about the hot ones.

Hey, buddy...or you could just find hot girls who aren't in relationships. And it's not that I have a moral objection. It just seems like while you're jumping through all these hoops for one piece of azz with a BF, you could have went out and found 5 more single ones. Surely she's not the only hot girl in your town.

So are you saying hot girls with previous relationships can never be wifey material?

Seems like he's saying that a girl who'd leave her current BF to acquire a new BF isn't relationship material. Not girls with previous relationships...more like girls with CURRENT relationships. These girls who can't stand being single...the ones that jump from BF to BF....they're not mentally healthy. It's not normal to jump from one relationship to another. It's not normal to hate being single.

And the fact that you wonder about this being in a LTR with you shows me that you're putting her on a pedestal. Which is why Kailex, and now me, are telling you that if you want to bang her, then bang her. But expecting some girl to leave her man for you and then provide you with a stable, health relationship is unreasonable and naive.

Hey, she could be your "soul mate," but taking emotions out it...thinking about it logically....she's more likely to do the same thing do you that she'd be doing to her current bf. She's not guaranteed to. It just seems like that kind of behavior in a person is a character trait....not a one-time thing.

 

[Kailex]

Iceberg pretty much covered everything perfectly, so I am just going to add this:

Well this brings me to another question. How do you guys choose your GFs?

I choose a GF that will only add quality to my life.
It's not about whether she's less hot and might not cheat or whether she's more hot and is more prone to cheating...

It's about having someone in my life that adds more value to an already quality-filled life.

If she has nothing to offer to me within what I consider an acceptable parameter of quality... it's not worth it.

 

[CoolBlue]

So you guys are simply against taking a girl who is begging you to take her away? One who really wants to move out but is too afraid to drop her branch despite having already walked over it? Just asking

 

[SandHawk]

I'm not. In fact, I had sex with one last night. I don't have issues against it, it's just that you have to thread careful with girls acquired through seducing her while she has a boyfriend.

 

[Iceberg]

So you guys are simply against taking a girl who is begging you to take her away? One who really wants to move out but is too afraid to drop her branch despite having already walked over it? Just asking

I'm not against you taking her. I'm against you taking her with the assumption that she'd be a LTR for you. Like people already said 2-3 times...you wanna pursue her for sex? Go for it. Don't assume she'll be a good LTR.

I mean, she MIGHT be. But it goes against logical assumptions. Like, if I see dark clouds forming, I assume rain is coming. Might not happen, but it's the logical assumption.

If I see a girl leave her BF and go straight to a new BF, I logically assume she's a relationship-addict. I might be wrong....she could be the love of your life...but logic dictates otherwise.

If you said, "This hot chick has a BF, but she wants to bang me." it'd be a different story. You seem to be focused on LTR stuff. I don't want to see you putting this girl in a higher class than she's earned. That's my concern.

 

[CoolBlue]

Now that I have more time, I'm going to argue with some of the points here a bit.

We will do it in a very logical, businesslike fashion.

Girl #1. Single hot girl who dumped her bf and put herself in the market. Does it mean that if you go for this single girl, she will never leave you for a better guy?

Girl #2. Attached equally hot girl. Is done with her bf and shopping for a better guy. Doesn't wanna dump her bf as she still gets benefits from him. If you go for this girl, does she have a statistically higher chance that she will leave you for a better guy?

Most of my friends who "settle" for less attractive girls do it because they don't believe they can get a girl of a higher status. It has nothing to do with security from cheating...it's more about these guys not wanting to put the effort to get a better girl. Fear of rejection, etc. No one says, "Oh I'm gonna settle for the less-attractive girl because she won't cheat." If that's your mentality, then you wake up every morning believing that you CAN get hotter women, but you "settled" for a less attractive girl for security. You can't have a functioning relationship with that mindset. Hell, YOU'D end up cheating with the first hot piece of azz that's available.

Well the guys doesn't go after the hot girls because they don't think they are good enough, that kinda proves my point doesn't it. Girls go for the best guy they can get, and guys will go after less attractive women that they think they can get or keep. If you have a real stud of a guy, he will go after the hot chick without worrying as he's the best and it's unlikely anyone better will come along.

You seem to equate hotness to cheating. If I had to look back on all the girls I've known, I'd say that the less attractive ones were the most promiscuous.

I'm assuming all girls are the same. Assuming that the basic instinct of people are all the same and their behavior are shaped by their experience and circumstances, I would say the hotter chicks are more likely to leave you than the ugly ones. Simple mathematics: hot chicks get hit on more, the chances of a guy better than you coming to hit on her and take her away is higher. While ugly girls are hit on less and a guy better than you might decide to go after a single ugly girl instead of trying to get through you. I guess perhaps you think hot girls are less likely to cheat as the ones you know are attached to high value guys already and do not want to risk losing them as high value guys are hard to come by. Ugly girls on the other hand are not risking much to cheat as they can always get another ugly guy like you. And the temptation is especially great when a hot guy on a bad day decides to hit on your average girl for an easy lay...she'll be more likely to give it up without regard of her relationship with an average guy. While hot girls are hard pressed to find better guys than she already has.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that this boyfriend girlfriend thing isn't as sacred as you think. It doesn't mean much anymore in this day and age. Hell even marriage means nothing with 50% divorce rate. If a girl has a bf all it means is that she has just found herself a guy that she's willing to be close and exclusive with to share their lives to some extent. Doesn't make her any much different from a single girl at all.

 

[CoolBlue]

Iceberg pretty much covered everything perfectly, so I am just going to add this:



I choose a GF that will only add quality to my life.
It's not about whether she's less hot and might not cheat or whether she's more hot and is more prone to cheating...

It's about having someone in my life that adds more value to an already quality-filled life.

If she has nothing to offer to me within what I consider an acceptable parameter of quality... it's not worth it.

So what if the girl that can add the most quality to your life is currently attached and begging you to take her away? Are you going to be like "No, you will leave me one day, let's just have sex?"

Single hot girls are simply girls who are not satisfied with the quality of guys she is currently attracting. So she's holding out and keeping herself available until someone who meets her expectations come along. It does not mean that if she finds the guy, she will stay with him forever and won't leave him if an even better one comes along.

Attached hot girls are more like "Hey, this guy can provide everything I want! What am I holding out for? I'll just go for happiness now!" Then a few years later she's "Oops. Maybe this is not what I want. There are much better available! Maybe I should go for them?" Isn't that much different from the single girls to me.

 

[Iceberg]

Girl #1. Single hot girl who dumped her bf and put herself in the market. Does it mean that if you go for this single girl, she will never leave you for a better guy?

Girl #2. Attached equally hot girl. Is done with her bf and shopping for a better guy. Doesn't wanna dump her bf as she still gets benefits from him. If you go for this girl, does she have a statistically higher chance that she will leave you for a better guy?

I'm expecting a busy day at work, so forgive me if I'm not around much to respond...

Technically, any girl COULD leave you for a better guy. I just think it's more reasonable to assume that the girl who keeps a BF only because she "still gets benefits from him" is more likely to be emotionally unstable. If you don't like a person, you dump them. You don't keep a relationship just for benefits. It's not like a credit card.

Well the guys doesn't go after the hot girls because they don't think they are good enough, that kinda proves my point doesn't it. Girls go for the best guy they can get, and guys will go after less attractive women that they think they can get or keep.

Yeah, but these guys are too weak to even try. It doesn't prove your point, because it's not girls going for the best guy they can get...It's men who are too scared to even put themselves into the game. And trust me...all the hot girls I see dating broke, hipster toolbags. They're not going for the BEST guy they can get. It's not like all these hot girls in the world are going after rich jocks. They find a guy who likes them and they justify falling in love with him no matter what society thinks is "best" for them.

I would say the hotter chicks are more likely to leave you than the ugly ones. Simple mathematics: hot chicks get hit on more, the chances of a guy better than you coming to hit on her and take her away is higher.

I don't know, man. I'm an attractive person. I get hit on. It doesn't mean that random girls are taking me away from a girlfriend. Getting hit on does not equate to, "I should leave my relationship for this person." And the assumption that hot girls get hit on more is questionable anyway. Most guys are afraid to hit on hot girls. They're "intimidating."

I guess perhaps you think hot girls are less likely to cheat as the ones you know are attached to high value guys already and do not want to risk losing them as high value guys are hard to come by.

Wrong. I think that attractiveness has NO bearing on whether or not a person is a cheater. That's a personality trait, not a physical one.

Most hot girls don't even know they're hot. They're not all walking around town like "I'm so f**king hot." They're thinking about how they're fatter than the hot girl standing next to them. Or how their boobs are smaller than Lindsay Lohan's. Actually, studies have shown that attractive people tend to compare themselves to other attractive people. So, they don't generally walk around thinking that they're better than everyone. They walk around thinking that they're not as good as the hot people they know or see on TV. It's a psychological thing. I won't bore you with too much detail.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that this boyfriend girlfriend thing isn't as sacred as you think. It doesn't mean much anymore in this day and age.

Then why do you care about making this chick into a LTR? Just bang her, like we've said, and see where that takes you. Why do you want to give her the sacred title of "LTR" if it's not as sacred as I think? There's no rule saying that you have to stay with this girl.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

So what if the girl that can add the most quality to your life is currently attached and begging you to take her away? Are you going to be like "No, you will leave me one day, let's just have sex?"

I think the fact that a girl is attached to a man already, yet still flirting with me, means that she is NOT the kind of girl who can add the most quality to my life.

Single hot girls are simply girls who are not satisfied with the quality of guys she is currently attracting. So she's holding out and keeping herself available until someone who meets her expectations come along. It does not mean that if she finds the guy, she will stay with him forever and won't leave him if an even better one comes along.

I agree with everyone else. You just seem really insecure about this "hot girl" thing.

Simply being physically attractive does not mean that girl will cheat on you. You're blending personality characteristics with physical characteristics and that just doesn't work with humans.

This is probably why you're so fixated on this one girl. You think she's hot, and therefor she has all these mystical powers. No, bro...she's just a chick. I know smart hot chicks, dumb hot chicks, cheating hot chick, and committed ones. There's no rule for being hot. They're humans. They're all different. They're not more likely to cheat just because they're hot. Being hot gives you more options, correct, but it doesn't necessarily mean you look at the world that way.

Maybe you live in some small town where everyone's lives are built around relationships. I dont know. I know plenty of hot girls who break up with bfs for normal reasons....like simply being unhappy. Then they go on to be single, and enjoy life. It's not all about jumping from one man to the next because "something better" comes along. There's more to life than relationships.