Another "Girl at Work" scenario

[Darkmoon]

Hello all,

Been lurking on here for quite a while now after finding this site when I started a self improvement program a year or so ago. I'm 42 years old and have been (happily) married for over a decade.

Even though I managed to get hitched I have always been appalingly bad with women. AFC doesn't cover it. Seriously. I've never had much female attention for a variety of reasons , being short and only average looking at best just two. Some times it has bothered me, other times I couldn't have cared less, especially during the time I've been married. I did the classic thing of getting hitched, becoming content, putting on weight and generally letting myself go. As I said about a year ago I decided to get back into shape, lose the weight, dress better, the whole thing. So far I've lost 2 1/2 stone and go to the gym at least 3 times a week, bought some decent clothes etc etc. Also, after reading this site for several months I got a lot of answers to questions I had been asking myself for a long time.

Anyway the situation I need advice on is this. A few months ago a new girl started at work. She's 25, pretty, great figure and good fun to be around (yeah, yeah I know). I've always thought she was attractive but that's as far as it went. I didn't flirt with her and she didn't with me even though she has been quite flirty with other guys there. I just put it down to me being so much older than her and my previously mentioned apperance. We've always got on ok, nothing too friendly, just a normal working relationship I suppose.

Then a couple of weeks ago she started getting a lot more friendly towards me. She started coming to talk to me a lot more, giving strong eye contact, standing REALLY close to me basically spending a lot more time with me. I didn't do anything to encourage this and like I said she does the flirty stuff around others so at first I didn't really take that much notice of it.

Thing is though, I've started to get strong feelings for her. I'm now thinking about this girl far, far more than I know I should. I like being around her and enjoy it when she's close to me, which seems to be more and more often. In a way I'm angry at myself for allowing myself to have these feelings. Having said that and even though I've learnt so much from this site regarding all things female I still have very limited real life experience of how to deal with a situation like this.

I have an idea that at the moment I'm just "flavour of the month" and that her interest in me, such as it is will cease as quickly as it started and she'll move on to somebody else but I'm not sure. In a way I'm hoping that this is what happens. I know I should back away and try to get things back to the way they were a few weeks ago if that's possible but this girl and the attention she's giving me is like a very strong drug.I'm not used to it.

I can't make out whether this girl is just an AW or whether she does actually like me. I strongly think the former but I really don't know.

Question is of course what would you guys do in this situation?

 

[SecondHalf]

Darkmoon (good ID),

I see little more than a lot of risk and frustration here.

First, never date a chick from work. If/when it fails, then it's mega awkward. Not to mention the potential frown from management amongst other things.
You're messing with your livelihood here.

Second, a pretty flirty chick that is 17 years younger than you?
Unless she climbed up my back, straddled and enveloped my head, I'd not put much effort or thought into it (of course, the no thought or effort is what will get her there).

What I found is you can read the forums until you need glasses, but it's experience that makes it nature and not ... robotic.
If you're thinking of this woman obsessively, I'd guess that you're not getting out there, playing with a number of women.

My advice, don't go there!

If you must, focus all your disposable time outside of work on other women.
Lower your standards, take the blue pill if necessary, just do it. This type of woman you describe will respond better to your increased attention to others than her (disclaimer: I've only two paragraphs to make this judgement).

SH

 

[The Gambler]

I've never had much female attention for a variety of reasons , being short and only average looking at best just two. Some times it has bothered me, other times I couldn't have cared less, especially during the time I've been married. I did the classic thing of getting hitched, becoming content, putting on weight and generally letting myself go. As I said about a year ago I decided to get back into shape, lose the weight, dress better, the whole thing. So far I've lost 2 1/2 stone and go to the gym at least 3 times a week, bought some decent clothes etc etc.

Wait... I'm confused. I thought the general consensus of this forum is that looks don't matter? :crackup:

Sorry, but I had to throw that one in for the guys who are still clueless about the importance of their appearance.

Anyhow, we are the same age and here's my take. It sounds like you are still married, but you just kinda settled for who you're married to. Honestly, whether or not you decide to stay in the marriage should be a choice you make because of the needs and compatibility of YOU. In other words, I think leaving the marriage for a flaky 25 year-old would be a disaster. When a guy does something like this, and then the new gal leaves him down the road, the guy is left feeling like he made a foolish choice and just threw everything away.

My point here being if you're unhappy with your marriage, and feel it is truly beyond repair, then do what you have to do with honesty and integrity... and most importantly, do it with clarity and an understanding of why you did it -- not to try and bag a flaky 25 year-old, but because you only get one life and your spouse is not along for the ride on your road of personal growth.

Whatever you decide, take control over your feelings about this 25 year-old and her facade. Nothing but trouble there and not worth a spin.

The Gambler

 

[Darkmoon]

Thanks for the input guys.

You both make good points. Taking a step back and looking at the situation objectively I know that there would be nothing but trouble ahead if I ever tried to pursue anything with this girl. There are several good reasons why I should back away and start acting professionally when I'm at work. These being...

1. I'm married and I want to stay married.
2. She's married (forgot to mention that in my original post)
3. I'm seventeen years older than she is.
4. My job. IMO don't s**t where you eat is pretty solid advice and I don't want to risk my job over this.
5.The more I think about it the more I believe she's actually not that interested in me anyway. I maybe right, I maybe wrong, It's just a gut feeling I have.

Ironically it's the change in my behaviour towards women since reading this site that may have her acting like she does towards me. There a a few guys that she has wrapped tightly around her little finger who do things for her, orbit around her and whatnot, something I conciously decided not to do right from when she started even though I found her attractive. The old me would have acted differently.


Gambler, you are absoloutely right in advising me to take control of my feelings here. I need to get a grip.

 

[Epimanes]

Dude ... stay away from her. You would be risking your marriage if you dipped into that. Instead ... try putting as much effort towards your wife and learning what her emotional needs are .. and sharing to your wife what yours are. You can have an amazing marriage if you learned those two things. YOu sir .. are on a slippery slope if you keep at it with this "work girl". Keep your feelings in check ... reserve your lust for your wife. Read my intro thread if ya like for some ideas to better your marriage.

Epi

 

[kimberleah]

Hello all,

Been lurking on here for quite a while now after finding this site when I started a self improvement program a year or so ago. I'm 42 years old and have been (happily) married for over a decade.

Even though I managed to get hitched I have always been appalingly bad with women. AFC doesn't cover it. Seriously. I've never had much female attention for a variety of reasons , being short and only average looking at best just two. Some times it has bothered me, other times I couldn't have cared less, especially during the time I've been married. I did the classic thing of getting hitched, becoming content, putting on weight and generally letting myself go. As I said about a year ago I decided to get back into shape, lose the weight, dress better, the whole thing. So far I've lost 2 1/2 stone and go to the gym at least 3 times a week, bought some decent clothes etc etc. Also, after reading this site for several months I got a lot of answers to questions I had been asking myself for a long time.

Anyway the situation I need advice on is this. A few months ago a new girl started at work. She's 25, pretty, great figure and good fun to be around (yeah, yeah I know). I've always thought she was attractive but that's as far as it went. I didn't flirt with her and she didn't with me even though she has been quite flirty with other guys there. I just put it down to me being so much older than her and my previously mentioned apperance. We've always got on ok, nothing too friendly, just a normal working relationship I suppose.

Then a couple of weeks ago she started getting a lot more friendly towards me. She started coming to talk to me a lot more, giving strong eye contact, standing REALLY close to me basically spending a lot more time with me. I didn't do anything to encourage this and like I said she does the flirty stuff around others so at first I didn't really take that much notice of it.

Thing is though, I've started to get strong feelings for her. I'm now thinking about this girl far, far more than I know I should. I like being around her and enjoy it when she's close to me, which seems to be more and more often. In a way I'm angry at myself for allowing myself to have these feelings. Having said that and even though I've learnt so much from this site regarding all things female I still have very limited real life experience of how to deal with a situation like this.

I have an idea that at the moment I'm just "flavour of the month" and that her interest in me, such as it is will cease as quickly as it started and she'll move on to somebody else but I'm not sure. In a way I'm hoping that this is what happens. I know I should back away and try to get things back to the way they were a few weeks ago if that's possible but this girl and the attention she's giving me is like a very strong drug.I'm not used to it.

I can't make out whether this girl is just an AW or whether she does actually like me. I strongly think the former but I really don't know.

Question is of course what would you guys do in this situation?

I feel insanely bad for your wife. I hope she divorces you- this post is the sole reason I never plan on getting married. Men are selfish pigs. All a girl has to do is be somewhat attractive and give you attention and morals and integrity (if any are previously had in the first place...few men have this anyway) goes out the window. Marriage is a joke- 99% of men cant be satisfied and faithful with one woman for the rest of their life.

 

[Boilermaker]

Troll at work?