Another case of Oneitis

[Bambino0824]

This girl and I semi-dated for about 2 months. But I called things off because I knew that she wasn't ready for a relationship and things were dragging out.

We decided to be just friends and I thought after a couple of weeks, I would be over it. But my feelings haven't changed at all after a month. I was introduced to another attractive girl during this period, but I simply didn't want to even get to know her because I am still hung up on this girl.

We had a talk a few days ago and this is the state that she is in. When we first started seeing each other, I promised her that I will always be there for her and that we can take things slow. I seriously regret being indecisive and impulsive enough to call things off because that caused her to lose trust in me. When I told her that I still really like her, she told me that she doesn't like me anymore and that I promised the same things to her when I called things off. And it pushed her to realize that she doesn't want anything after all.

I know that this forum is all about "spinning the plates." I would agree with it if it was just another girl. But I really, really like this girl. Not just a girl I wanna have sex with, but a girl I want to be in a relationship with. How do I gain her trust back? My approach this time will be having no expectations... what killed me before was that I was expecting things to go a lot faster and that caused me to become frustrated when there was no progress.

From what I learned, she doesn't have another guy. I can say with 95% certainty that she just can't trust guys right now and doesn't want to be dating because her last relationship really drained her. She only decided to date me because I gained her trust and she told me that I was the only guy that she ever really liked (all her past boyfriends liked her a lot and convinced her into dating them).

Please help. I am not going to be a emotional tampon and send her good morning/how are you/have a great day texts daily. But I want her to know that I really like her and show consistency and gain her trust back. Thanks guys!

 

[RangerMIke]

I had a horrible case of "Oneitis" between the ages of 20-22 three years. I got over it when I drunk dialed her house and her father chewed me out over the phone. That's when I realized I had to move on. But it took me another year to finally get over it. So this is from experience...

(1) Do not dwell on mistakes you made. For me I made some basic mistakes that caused me to lose this girl. Sounds like you did the same. You have to realize that it's not just you but how she responded. Girls with high interest levels will forgive mistakes. Accept you are only partly to blame.

(2) Do not contact her or let her friend zone you. You MUST avoid her at all costs. Get rid of anything that reminds you of her... pictures letters anything... I hung on to this cr@p until I lost it in a move and realized just how damaging to my well being it was to hang onto that.

(3) Even though you don't want to do this you have to Go after and date other girls.

(4) Stay active, anything to get your mind off her. The worst thing you can do is dwell on her. Anytime you start thinking of her distract yourself anyway you can. I saw someone recommend wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it every time you think of her... never tried it but that sounds like a good idea. I just started thinking of something else.

Good luck. Remember you are not the first to go though this we all have at some point... it's all part of life experience. Try and learn from it.

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=222964

 

[The LadyKiller]

Oneitis was a major problem for me too. Last year, I fell for a girl harder than I ever had. And you know what? It didn't work out. I was crushed. But the experience taught me a lot.

- I realized how crazy I was acting in front of my friends. We would see girls at bars and parties, but I was fixated on only one girl. For some reason, I thought she, a girl I hadn't even dated or been with ,was better than everyone else. I have no idea why.
- It's her loss. By rejecting you, she is saying, "I think I'm better than you." It's up to us to prove her wrong. Don't let her see your pain. The best revenge is living well and having a great life without her. She had the opportunity to join you on your awesome journey, but she foolishly said no. I don't take back girls who turned me down; they missed the one-time opportunity.
- And finally, sometimes it's better that she said no. Yes, you read that right. With the girl mentioned above, I'm happy that things didn't work out. Although she and I get along, I learned we have several philosophical differences, and that she has an entire bag of crazy when it comes to her and her dating past.

So, this HB foolishly turned you down. Missing out on you is something she has to deal with. It's not your job to chase after her. She has to come to you. And then YOU hold the power on what to do next. But remember the past, because you don't want to get duped by the same girl again.

 

[Mr_Maximus]

The best chance you have is to not contact her and move on. Let her come to you. If she does it will probably be when you are least expecting it.

If you are 95% certain that she cant trust guys and does not want to be dating then your odds are heavily stacked against you.

Find women that want you....