Annoying Ex Boyfriend.

[zen511]

Ok so I have a slight dilemma. I have been going out with this great chick casually for the past two months and things are progressing nicely. Great convo, she’s very cute, and seems to be rather genuine and is almost like one of the guys, which is very refreshing after my last gf. It really seems to feel like we are moving to the bf/gf stages and would not mind going there myself. I met the parents and seemed to have even hit it off with them as well so I have no reason not to want to date this chick until I noticed that her ex bf seems to be constantly calling her. Now she kinda made it known that the guy is a pain in the ass and doesn’t stop calling until she picks up but I never seen it in action until tonight. I am not the jealous type and the fact she has a lot of guy friends does not bother me she is simply more of a girl that is into guy stuff so I don’t see any issues there. However, this guys constant calling, I can tell will begin to bug the **** out of me. She apologized for it when it happened tonight and proceeded to send him a text that she will call him later to stop. Now that is what got me thinking why appease him. I know she wants to try to remain friends with him since she said he is a good guy but he is way to possessive and jealous to date her which is why they broke up.

Fellow DJ’s how do I handle this, do I ignore it, do I bring it up that it bothers me she is appeasing this guy whom is plain out obsessive and rude, or do I simply finally confront this guy when it is really incessant and pick up the phone myself and be firm but cordial and say something like listen its rude to both the ex and myself, she will call you when she is ready to call you one call is enough. I think that is probably a bad idea because I might come off as a jerk, but I know I do have a fuse long enough to deal with it if it continues for too long. It also seems to bother me that she will allow herself to put up with that ****, should I take that as a sign that she has not truly moved on, or that she is just too nice? Any advice, comments, or criticisms are welcome.

 

[Dongfu]

make her an ultimatum and dont tolerate this bs for two seconds. Sounds like this girl is trouble. Hit it and hit the road. I personally dont have time for women who cant cut old ties.

 

[KontrollerX]

Don't talk to him.

You'll just p!ss him off more and the calls will become even more frequent it doesn't matter how you act nice or angry you are the other guy and as such you will be hated.

As for this guy you never know what may of happened between them despite what she tells you.

She may of just left him in the dirt out of the blue which could be the reason he calls her so much and her story on him being jealous and possessive may not be true at all.

Just keep your eyes open and don't believe everything a chick tells you unless her actions consistently match her words for at least 6 months to a year when it comes to you.

What dongfu said is also a good idea.

 

[zen511]

Yeah I am thinking about giving it a little more time and see how things go since I actually do really like this chick, this is the first one in quite some time that I seem to have feelings for. If we actually do the bf gf thing and its still going on at that point then I think giving an ultimatum is the only thing to do, and I need to be prepared to stand my ground. I guess its a good thing that its still a new relationship where I really would not have any major quam at just ending it right there without thinking twice.

 

[KontrollerX]

Hmmm, curious does she have any or many female friends at all?

Does she talk positively about other women that she knows??

 

[War Against Betaism]

Something like this happened to me a couple months ago. Convo lasted 5 minutes, but basically I just said "hey man, that's not cool, lay off the girl, she's mine now, go find another one, or I might have to get serious."

 

[WaterTiger]

You want her to get rid of him? I'll tell you a secret. Women are professional cowards. The media has made it sound like every strange man is a rapist and every ex-bf is a murdering stalker. Play on her fears. Tell her you're worried about her "Stalker BF". how jealousy causes men to do some horrible things.

Make her stop looking at her ex as an AFC trying to get her attenion, and start looking at him as a crazed lunatic bent on murdering her family to get her back.

Act concerned next time he calls. Make him sound like a creep.
"Does he do this alot?"
"Has he threatened you?"
"Threatened to harm you/your family/me?"
"Is he on medication?"
"Should he be on medication?"
"History of violence?"

If she sees him as a snarling pit bull instead of a sad little puppy, she'd be more inclinded to get rid of him for good.

 

[Snowyk]

I have seen this happen time and time again. The problem is, there is no real clear cut answer.

Sure, she may be appeasing him because she is an attention wh0re who loves the attention and drama. She might not have moved on. Or she could just be too nice for her own good.

The first thing you have to ask yourself is "Is this girl worth it?".
And think hard, because it ISN'T an easy question.

If you decide she isn't, Bail. There are plenty more fish in the barrel.

If you decide you are going to continue and try to sort it out, the next thing you need to realise is the one thing common to all guys who call girls (ex girlfriends or otherwise) incessantly, is that they are whiney little *****es.

So you are one up on him already.

Next time he calls, talk to your girl about it. From what you've said, it sounds as though she is stressed and embarrassed by it. Tell her that it's not acceptable behavior (From him OR her for enabling it) and tell her to sever all ties until he can behave appropriately. If that's never. So be it.

If a few weeks pass and she is still answering, messaging and replying when he calls. You failed. Cut and run. She's an attention wh0re, and she is in it for the drama.

Good luck bloke. Keep us informed.

 

[Jon55]

Aaahh my eyes in the future please use more paragraphs.

 

[zerocelcius]

Ok so I have a slight dilemma. I have been going out with this great chick casually for the past two months and things are progressing nicely.

Great convo, she’s very cute, and seems to be rather genuine and is almost like one of the guys, which is very refreshing after my last gf. It really seems to feel like we are moving to the bf/gf stages and would not mind going there myself. I met the parents and seemed to have even hit it off with them as well so I have no reason not to want to date this chick until I noticed that her ex bf seems to be constantly calling her.

Now she kinda made it known that the guy is a pain in the ass and doesn’t stop calling until she picks up but I never seen it in action until tonight. I am not the jealous type and the fact she has a lot of guy friends does not bother me she is simply more of a girl that is into guy stuff so I don’t see any issues there.

However, this guys constant calling, I can tell will begin to bug the **** out of me. She apologized for it when it happened tonight and proceeded to send him a text that she will call him later to stop.

Now that is what got me thinking why appease him. I know she wants to try to remain friends with him since she said he is a good guy but he is way to possessive and jealous to date her which is why they broke up.

Fellow DJ’s how do I handle this, do I ignore it, do I bring it up that it bothers me she is appeasing this guy whom is plain out obsessive and rude, or do I simply finally confront this guy when it is really incessant and pick up the phone myself and be firm but cordial and say something like listen its rude to both the ex and myself, she will call you when she is ready to call you one call is enough.

I think that is probably a bad idea because I might come off as a jerk, but I know I do have a fuse long enough to deal with it if it continues for too long.

It also seems to bother me that she will allow herself to put up with that ****, should I take that as a sign that she has not truly moved on, or that she is just too nice? Any advice, comments, or criticisms are welcome.

Had to do this so I could read it...

 

[zerocelcius]

I am inclined to think he is doing more than just calling. If she can't tell him to stop calling, than she isn't able to stop him in other areas (like coming over, meeting somewhere, etc.)

It is up to her to end the relationship and she has to. You can not have your cake and eat it too (what does that mean...)!! It isn’t your place or your responsibility. If she can’t let go of him than you have to let go of her.

The ex is like a tumor on your relationship. Unless she cuts it off it will consume and destroy any chance of success and happiness you two have.

 

[IceCream]

heh what a coincidence!

My best friend is going through the exact same thing, but he's in the place of the other guy. His ex girlfriend was the one that first initiated the text of saying how she doesn't want to cut him out of her life, and it seemed like she wants to get back with him. Being the AFC he is, he replied back and they've been texting each other here and there. (they broke up about 2-3 months and he called her the exact day you posted this)

Now i'm wondering, for your sake, if this girl you are seeing is the same girl i'm talking about (or like her), because if she is, she's the one that can't cut the ties, she's the one that wants to talk to him. Whether it be the same girl or not, you better watchout, because that's a big red flag that she hasn't moved on.

 

[NeverFear]

its obvious

"Now she kinda made it known that the guy is a pain in the ass and doesn’t stop calling until she picks up"

This is absolute ******** bull ****. She can easily end it in twenty seconds by telling him "never call here again or im calling the police".

So obviously shes a psycho drama queen attention *****.
NEXT

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

:nono: Beware of becoming the "Rebound Guy."

 

[Frink']

The boyfriend destroyer -- whatever she says about him, you reframe it to make him sound like a really nice. Like a really nice guy. I did that with my current gf. She broke up with her last bf cause of it. Girls just don't like niceguys. They loose interest. Maby this is what he's trying to do?

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

:nono: Beware of becoming the "Rebound Guy."

:thumbsup:

Ok so I have a slight dilemma. I have been going out with this great chick casually for the past two months and things are progressing nicely. Great convo, she’s very cute, and seems to be rather genuine and is almost like one of the guys, which is very refreshing after my last gf. It really seems to feel like we are moving to the bf/gf stages and would not mind going there myself. I met the parents and seemed to have even hit it off with them as well so I have no reason not to want to date this chick until I noticed that her ex bf seems to be constantly calling her. Now she kinda made it known that the guy is a pain in the ass and doesn’t stop calling until she picks up but I never seen it in action until tonight. I am not the jealous type and the fact she has a lot of guy friends does not bother me she is simply more of a girl that is into guy stuff so I don’t see any issues there. However, this guys constant calling, I can tell will begin to bug the **** out of me. She apologized for it when it happened tonight and proceeded to send him a text that she will call him later to stop. Now that is what got me thinking why appease him. I know she wants to try to remain friends with him since she said he is a good guy but he is way to possessive and jealous to date her which is why they broke up.

Fellow DJ’s how do I handle this, do I ignore it, do I bring it up that it bothers me she is appeasing this guy whom is plain out obsessive and rude, or do I simply finally confront this guy when it is really incessant and pick up the phone myself and be firm but cordial and say something like listen its rude to both the ex and myself, she will call you when she is ready to call you one call is enough. I think that is probably a bad idea because I might come off as a jerk, but I know I do have a fuse long enough to deal with it if it continues for too long. It also seems to bother me that she will allow herself to put up with that ****, should I take that as a sign that she has not truly moved on, or that she is just too nice? Any advice, comments, or criticisms are welcome.

Well, if your not yet officially bf/gf what you getting your panties in a bunch for? Hors are for everybody!! :crackup: You been with the chick for 2 months now. Have you had sex with her yet? Don't get involded with the ex or sh!t will hit the fan. You might consider saying: "Hey, we been dating for 2 months now and I'd like to be ecslusive with you. But, if you and your ex want to still continue calling/texting then, we're gonna have to end what we have."

 

[strong like bull]

actions speak louder than words.
the bottom line is more accurate than heresay or excuses.

if you ever want to evaluate someones performance you have to look at what they DO. not what they SAY. results are FACTUAL and can be measured.. words cant!

the BOTTOM LINE is that another guy is calling her. she is accepting that behavior. just because she "complains" about it to you doesnt mean she isnt accepting it. it is happening and she is allowing it to continue.

when i re-read your post i noticed that you say you two are "casually" dating. if you arent yet exclusively her boyfriend... is it your business who calls her?

regardless, what it looks like to me:
-you two arent together yet
-she may be very interested in you
-"crazy" ex boyfriend is still interested in her
-she is USING ex boyfriends calls, to show YOU that other guys desire her, in an attempt to raise HER OWN VALUE

is she trying to raise her value, so you'll get more attracted to her and jump into a relationship.... or just being an attention *****? or still fvcking him? who knows...

something to keep in mind though is that suspicious feeling you get about the whole situation. thats your gut telling you something is wrong. if a girl really didnt want someone calling them all the time, theyd fix it. either theyd threaten to get the police involved, go cry to their daddy for help, change their cell number... she is letting this happen.

-SLB

 

[Maximus Rex]

Technology Is Amazing

Tell her to block his number from her phone. If she doesn't block his number. Tell her to call you when she has dude is completely and totally removed from her life.

YOU ARE IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER TO ENGAGE THIS DUDE!!! If you engage the guy it will only make matters worse and will be viewed by the ex-boyfriend as a challenge to his manhood.

If she doesn't block his number from her phone and get a restraining order if neccessary, it only means she's an attention wh*re and she enjoys strife and conflict.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

The fact is if she had dealt with her baggage and was more interested in you than him, this wouldn't be an issue. Like Max-Rex said, technology is amazing (especially if the person wants to use it).

 

[zen511]

Yes you guys are exactly right, I have no business who calls which is why I did not say or do anything, which is more or less my first inkling. Basically all I was more or less was asking if we were bf/gf in due time I basically just say something that I.A.F.Y.B. mentioned.

Her actions seem as if we are moving to the bf/gf thing which is why this one issue is bothering me. ie. She is offering me invites to go on vacations in the future, two months or so down the line. These are ones that will incur no cost on my end since she won them. So I see the signs of signifigant interest. And yes we have done the whole sexual thing so it is not lacking there either.

I don't know if I can take this for face value or not but she more or less explained to me that she had the lines of communication closed with this guy for some time, but she felt that there was a possibility to be friends since in the past she had never had a problem before with her other ex's and actually two of them are really good friends. I don't think she is playing me on that becuase I got to meet these guys at a function a few weeks back and both are in LTR. She is more or less their emotional tampoon that listens and advises them about their gf troubles from what I have noticed.

More or less I just dont want to invest two more months or so into something and it be a situation that will colapse becuase I handled things the wrong way. I do think in the near future, I will just mention something similar to

"I know we are not exclusive and have not talked about it, but we seem to be seriously acting like it and if it did go any further I am not comfortable with the way she is allowing herself to be treated by this guy, I think that it does a diservice to the relationship, if she wants to talk to him if hes acting properly, but I wont be able to stand her allowing and appeasing his behaviour."