And So We Learn... DJ'ing isn't everything

[ali-g]

But it does count for something.......

I don't know if any of you remember me... "BEING A DJ IS RUINING MY LIFE" >>> perhaps what i'll type is a therapy for myself...

Before I go to work here.. theres a few things I would like to say. That is that this site has been very very helpful for me, it has taught me the basics and i credit all of you, and the information here to my sucess with women. BUT

I notice people come here for help with women, and often the response is a negative one... you shun those that have not accomplished the DJ goal... many of the response posts are along the lines of "you're an afc.. read the bible.. AFC!!.. "etc etc.. especially when the questions seem the most desperate... (just shut up if you don't have anything productive to say) I'm going to share something that is hard to share, and I don't really want to have insult added to injury..

Back to it... I am extremely confident with women (thanks to sosuave).. and even in failure, i'm confident because I know that we're all a work in progress.

I have a girlfriend..... I love her. I however cheated on her once a month or so ago, and then almost did again recently.. (I live in a residence at a university right now) and women are constantly throwing their asses around, it was a moment of (intoxicated) weakness and I've told my girlfriend about both (and got tested) --- and believe me!! looking into her eyes and saying the things I had to say.. literally was the hardest thing I've had to do in my life.

Before I told her... I had to go to the hospital for chest pains from anxiety.. Since i cheated on her the first time, I lost interest in dance clubs.. began drinking copious amounts of booze, and doubling my daily intake of the pot... I couldn't take it. I stopped studying, going to class, making efforts to maintain friendships etc etc..

At first i told her that i almost cheated on her on the most recent occurance... she took it hard, i guess cause she loves me... but then i realized i couldn't go on with my dirty secret.. so the next day....

I told her.......... I wrote it down on a piece of paper (along with some other important things), and told her beforehand that if she would let me start reading it, that I needed her to let me finish it.... Odly the same day I break her heart like this... is the same day we realize that we're in love.. I left after 5 hours of conversation that ended with; i love u's from both of us... half of me wishes she'd have dropped me right there so i'd learn my lesson the hardest way..... What i'm trying to get out here is that although i haven't had a girlfriend as serious as this one previously..i realize that intimacy is impossible without trust and loyalty..

and loyalty is ten times harder when you know that you can have any piece of ass that you want on campus... but then you realize that it doesn't matter... women will always be there for the taking, whats important is when you've got a girl like mine, you don't fvck it up by screwing around like i did.

IM young and INEXPERIENCED.. but don't hate me because of that.. I'm learning.. and I'm trying to share something that maybe others have gone through aswell.. (19 y/o in 1st yr)

I've been off pot for 8 days now!!! with zero desire to go back...

and this time I haven't been medicating myself with sleeping pills or alcohol to help myself sleep... I realize why i couldn't sleep before!!! it wasn't the dope entirely... It was me running from my problems.. My head has been the clearest it's been all year! and its funny because just the other day I had a few friends up visiting.. while getting a hot dog this perfect 10 girl hit on me; "ALISTAIR!!! I lost my philosophy notes!! can i have your number" i'm like... "you know i don't go to that class hahaha" lol then i realize i'm getting hit on.. then as she walks away (with my #, incase she actually does need help, i know others in that class and i wouldn't like it if someone shut me down and i ACTUALLY needed help) i turn and say to my friends "thats that chick from the video i showed you last night" ... our uni has a cool file sharing thing called DC++ and she accidentally included some sensitive material on her shared files, which a whole bunch of people have seen... which is hilarious.. but anyways..

I don't even care about that girl, or all the other hot chicks around.. it seems like once you get to where I've gotten with women, or rather, with my woman, theres a path backwards to the realization that being an AFC is BLISS.. i almost wish i was still insecure and afraid of women, but I can't go back in time.. I think that now i'm a more mature person becuase of what's happened, and i realize that if this relationship ends.. after a time.. i will go back to being a stone cold pimp and run all the game until i find what i'm looking for in a woman.....

mom always said i was a hands on learner.. lol.. i've learned things that many can credit to their parents, peer groups etc.. learned them the hard way... but i sit.. four walls just staring at me in my single room in rez... we're all alone in the end... every living creature dies alone. i'm opening my eyes to realize i'm not in the womb anymore, i can't scapegoat my problems, i have to accept responsibility. (apoligies for the lengthiness)

No woman, No cry.. and thats the damn truth.

 

[The Brotrain]

No woman, No cry.. and thats the damn truth.

That quote doesn't work when you F'ing cheat on the girl. Your issue is that you run from problems. At the same time you want to blame your problems on anything, including a website who probaly played no small part in helping you get the girl you love. Being an AFC sucks, don't pretend like it is some iggnorant bliss, otherwise why we would most people on this site be clamoring for knowledge/help.

So sauve is not some magic fix all, you cannot come to it as if it were a fortune teller and expect to know how to handle your immediate. It is the formation of an attitude that has been long last, a simpler time, when being a man was simple and didn't carry the pretensions of modern existence and society.

Best of luck my friend, but, don't turn people away from this site, because you screwed up.

 

[ali-g]

i kno

no no.. i don't mean to bad mouth the site at all

If anything i've given this site to my close friends that i can see are having toubles with women.. i really enjoy the stuff on here and have a lot of respect for it..

i'm not saying that being an AFC is good... you're right it does suck.. but all i was really trying to say is that if i couldnt get women as easily i wouldn't run into the problems like this.. maybe..

i know that quote shouldn't work for me.... i'm learning,, and i can honestly say that i will never cheat on someone ever again,

wish i'd learned more about not letting them fall in love with you, and not falling in love with them..

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

You missed a key ingredient about this site..

Its not about how many woman you can bang..or how many digits you can get..or how hot the women you date look..

Bottom line...the stuff you learn and read on this site is about CONTROL.

Control not calling a woman 100 million times a day. Control in how you talk and present yourself. Control in your physical appearance. AND control of your mental.

The stuff you did shows a lack of control.

All good..you're young..and you have many lessons to learn in life..growning pains..

 

[tmpgstx]

Good points ..

To be in control is to be patient

To not be in control is to be desparate
To be desparate is looking for approval
Looking for approval is submission
submission is a lack of self-respect

It works for some, but if you want to be the 'man' in the relationship, do not succumb to any of the above. It will keep you from being a whipping post too.

 

[A-Unit]

but all i was really trying to say is that if i couldnt get women as easily i wouldn't run into the problems like this.. maybe..

So...you're deflecting the blame of your consequences on SUCCESS with women??


My friend, it sounds like a problem handling responsibility. Whether you're ****y or not, or fvcking fat chicks while cheating on your girlfriend, SUCCESS is not pain. With success COMES responsibility. This is why so few people desire success because it means HARD choices, LATE nights, and doing things FEW even want to do.


Sure having loads of women chasing you is fun, but until you can develop into the type of guy who knows how to handle that mass of women, it won't be fun. You'll have to tell girls you're not interested, and be cool enough not to care if your interest in them peaks once again. You have to carve words into poems so that you can keep all the girls you do meet while dating the same amount with no problems.


This site offers 2 roads...1 longer, 1 shorter.


The shorter one teaches the male, at any point in his journey about women and life in general. Alot of guys come from the "CHASE" mentality, and want to do all the right things to make women fawn over them like some celebrity. The reframing must occur that, HUMANS have become QUITE simplistic in their choices. Due to the complexities of life, we have become highly evolved at looking for 'CERTAIN traits' that indicate precisely what we desire. Animals have done this to distinguish friend from foe. It's no different in dating. In dating, women and men have evolved into highly intelligent creatures that take large swaths of information and seek a few key points to determine attraction and a host of other factors. When most come here, they're still BOYS, and will remain BOYS as long as they SEEK to play with girls who enjoy head games, flirting, cheating, gaming, promiscuity and so forth.


The second, longer road is to change MAN'S overall position in society. Through societal engines, men HAVE been pussified. You want proof???


Look at the whole of sosuave. The questions, when REALLY considered are not of inept men, but of boys. They're minds don't want answers, they just WANT SOMEBODY to tell them it will be ok. Think I'm wrong?


Each question is so basic, so simplistic, that what is one to do once the simple ones are answered the more complex scenarios occur?? It's like asking HOW DO I TIE MY SHOES?? Once you get the fixed...HOW do I TIE MY TIE? PUT ON a belt? DRIVE to WORK? Make LUNCH? And so forth. Everything is truly common sense, which is why common sense is so valuable.


I'm not knocking guys, in fact, I see the cry for help and won't enable a person. A famous public speaker, Larry Winget said something to the effect of..."I don't care what my public wants. If I give them what they want, it doesn't help me or them. I give them myself, what I believe, and what I know to be right, even if initially it hurts, it seems wrong, or they reject it, because I know, as the end goal, it's what they desire."


See...most who come here want one thing, but THAT is just one REST STOP on a long journey. The end goal is much bigger and loftier. Yes, the journey of 1,000 miles starts with a single step, BUT, you must be cognizant of that journey and where it leads and set your sights for the goal, not the obstacles you'll encounter along the way. Goal driven, not process driven. See the light at the end of the tunnel, and not the dark shadows before the light.


The root cause of "pain" in the dating world isn't "women" or 'Lack of confidence". It never has been. It's greater than that, so once it is rooted out, ALL other areas come together. A host of issues is nice, and profitable for companies, and gurus, and even the human brain, but it's not reality.


Being an AFC period, is not who anybody is. All guys were born as boys, and transitioning is something ENTIRELY different than how a girl becomes a woman. For men, it's action that differentiates boys from men. Men are willing to die, both in a metaphorical and literal sense. Die in that, they can burn relationships and be ok. They can accept responsibility and let their reputation die. They can die physically by protecting kids, or family, or home, or ideals. Boys are too afraid to die. They can't approach, for the death of the ego and confidence abounds. Yet, each day is the death of yesterday. Each night the death of day. Each day the death of night. The past is nothing but a blanket the mind clings to as its own validation of identity. If you never clung to the past, the only thing you'd have is now, and what comes in the future.



A-Unit

 

[DrDope]

Why in the world did you tell your girlfriend you cheated on her?

Your relationship is now permanently scarred. This should have been your dirty little secret. She can now justify cheating on you.

Plus, do you think it made her feel any better to find this out? She would have been better off in ignorant bliss.

In the future, if something like this happens again, bury it with a shovel, then bury the shovel.

 

[ali-g]

Originally posted by DrDope
Why in the world did you tell your girlfriend you cheated on her?

Your relationship is now permanently scarred. This should have been your dirty little secret. She can now justify cheating on you.

I told my girlfriend i cheated on her because it was my dirty little secret... it wasn't about making her feel bad, or her justifying cheating on me..

fact of the matter was that I couldn't sleep at night, study, maintain friendships, or even carry a conversation with her without these thoughts running through my head... my stress led to CHEST PAINS. I've been to counselling recently, I'm having my exams deferred.. i'll write them in september...

Since last i posted.... we took a break of about a day and a half... its hard when you live in the same building... but she is coming around, it seems fast for her, i don't want it to go back to the way it was before - i want it to go to the way it will be now..... we're both coming close to the wire.. school's out in 4 days -- i'll be in toronto, and she in guelph... the distance isn't something neither of us want or will be able to take easily.. it would take 2 hours on the bus, or an hour car ride.. a liscence is waht i need right now...

I realize telling her may have scarred the relationship, but cheating on her scarred the relationship, and I find it better that she heard from me, than someone else, if ever it got out.

What i happened was a lack of control on my part... although alcohol induced, and possibly subconsciously motivated.. it was still my mistake, fvck up, weak point.. i've told her that i can't make excuses and that i truly fvcked up bad, but i've also told her so much more, and realized so much about myself in the process..

the main culprit to my clouded mind and lack of control, but not something i can blame entirely... alcohol abuse and being a heavy smoker of dope, not specifically regarding cheating, but regarding the relationship problems.. the reason i wasn't at that bar with her that night.. that kind of stuff...

I've quit dope, and i'll never go back... if they legalize it i'll flip!! they don't tell you about the real problems with marijuana... they tell you about the health problems --- we're all gonna die some day, thats how people that smoke cigs can justify it.... But dope is different **when you abuse it to the level i did**... all the sudden all your friends are pot heads.. all you do in your liesure is get high and either eat, watch something, or participate in some other useless waste of life. an opiate for the masses. you become nocturnal.. seeing the sun rise every morning... sleeping until 5 or 6 pm. (it had this effect on me because i'm a student(in a single room), i guess those with responsibilities wouldn't let this happen... i miss working..), seems like you can't sleep without it.... always wanting to get high.. Cdn weed is cheaper than US weed, and stronger, and easier to get.. the temptation of selling it, and then actually doing it.. if this stuff sounds familiar -- consider quitting, cause its not worth it.

smoking when your sad.. smoking when your happy.. and eventually smoking not because you want to get high, but because you can't stand being sober [that might just be unique to my situation]... not to preach.... i supose weed wouldn't be the evil it was for me.. if you have control..................

something i'm trying to bring back into my life.

 

[Skullcrusher]

That's not DJing. Get your facts straight boy.