and here i am friendzoned again

[LittleBigOne]

Today my colleague came over to my place to make food for me. She intended to cook for me a while ago. The last months we flirted pretty much (touching eachother, teasing etc.). We are both in a relationship. The situation was perfect, good weather no other people around us.
What went wrong? Well, we had fun when we went to the supermarket and when we cooked, good so far. But she didn´t flirt as much (less touching) and for some reason i couldnt get the conversation to a deeper or a sexual level, no sparks came over. I told her after we had dinner let´s go walking through the town i live, we did and again i couldn´t make her more open up. I can´t say i was nerves but at the end we said goodbye and me and she didn´t even intent a kiss. I feel f#cked up now. One part of me says i was not showing enough guts or intentions and that she might be dissapointed now but on the other hand i have the strong feeling that she just likes it to have my attention at work and that´s pretty much it.
Friendzoned anyway.

 

[Skalioppe]

Yep is sounds quintessentially friend-zone.

Your only hope is to escalate, flirt, sexual innuendo etc. Try doing it by texting or email. People tend to be more receptive and more daring through such interfaces. Otherwise you have no hope...

 

[LittleBigOne]

I did flirt, i made sexual innuendo´s. The opening to escalation just wasn´t there, she didn´t really cooperate. But at work she is really much more touching, joking and teasing. We have holiday now for seven weeks. Then our work starts again. Maybe it becomes more clear then what this all meant. When she is not acting flirty no more (or less) then i know she lost attraction for me. At the moment i feel like back off, you had your change! She was alone with me, could have done her moves but she didn´t. She is daring enough to do that without email or texting, i noticed because at work she flirts with me on a regular base.

 

[Gro0ver]

I have a theory on this one. Could be right, could be wrong.

When it comes to breaking the rules, (i.e. cheating, kissing work colleagues, etc) women often want to do it in a certain way. They like it to feel accidental, like "oops", or "I just couldn't stop it from happening", or "I just did it, and later my brain caught up and I realised it was a bad idea".

Perhaps it felt a little too staged, too set up. Perhaps your intentions were all too clear and it felt to her almost too....intentional.

To men, cheating is cheating whichever way you do it. But to women, if they get swept away in the moment and experience a loss of control (however wilful it may be), they can somehow justify it more. Only a slut would intend to cheat.

Just a theory but one worth considering. Perhaps a better strategy would have been to be low key and friendly, then catch her by surprise at an opportune moment, rather then a steady build up and escalation strategy.

 

[Zarky]

Ah, another young guy trying to date a co-worker. I wish the topic could be stickied.

-----> Don't date co-workers <-----

 

[LittleBigOne]

To Groover: your theory sounds interesting. It might be right. She might already have known my intentions.

To Zarky: Thanks for the compliment, i am 35 and yes still feeling young. i don´t agree about your opinion about don´t date co workers. However, it´s not the topic right now. It´s more that i don´t understand that this woman is flirting at work and when she finally is at my place it´s just nice and neutral. Is it me to blame or she was just seeing as being friendly?

 

[DonJuanit0]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=181433

 

[LittleBigOne]

To DonJuanitO: nice thread. And good for you how things went. If the girl i talk about stays flirting when our workseason starts again i am gonna ask her at some point the question about friendship between males and females. However, i am pretty sure she knew somewhere my intentions.

 

[DonJuanit0]

To DonJuanitO: nice thread. And good for you how things went. If the girl i talk about stays flirting when our workseason starts again i am gonna ask her at some point the question about friendship between males and females. However, i am pretty sure she knew somewhere my intentions.

Oh, my friend, they all do! They might act like they don't but trust me, they do! Even the chicks that say "OMG I can't believe it, we were friends for so long! I never thought we was looking me THAT way"! Well lady, **** you!

Don't ask her straight up, try to get the convo there somehow, or else you'll give your self out easily! She knows, but you don't have to reassure her about it!

 

[WorkingDJ]

Both of you are in a relationships. Come on...

 

[Skalioppe]

Gro0ver is right and I've had a similar theory on this for a few years and it seems to play out to be true. Let me add my theory to the debate......

Women have an anti-slut defence mechanism (ASDM) - it's their contrived, moral side and a pre-action guilt device (stops them doing stuff). Evolutionarily, it's designed to ensure their mate doesn't leave them or they don't put off potential mates with a bad reputation.

Women also have an animalistic mechanism. It's their primeval response, their natural, libertine side, and is the post-action guilt device (allows them to do naughty stuff, but punishes them after, reinforcing ASDM after the act). Evolutionarily, it is designed to introduce new genes into their offspring line.

The ASDM normally sits in dominion over the animalistic side, because it is the safest approach, however, the animalistic mechanism can usurp it in several ways, with the following triggers....

1. Emotions (comedy, happiness, awe-inspiring, empathy, relationship doubt, jealousy, sadness, guilt, sexuality...)
2. Alpha maleness (No explanation required, they are evolutionary programmed to fvck Alphas)
3. Territory (if another women is vying for / is a threat to the source of male attention they are getting).
4. Lowering of inhibitions (through flirting, sensory stimulation, alcohol, drugs, dance, excitement, kino, etc.)

The key is to either :
A. Hit those triggers in unison from all angles like a fvcking nuclear assault in a short period.
B. Do a sustained, continuous, trigger attack over a longish period to wear the ASDM down.

The trouble with B. is the ASDM rebuilds as soon as you take your eye off the game....

Just a thought!